Wow. I've just spent the past couple of hours (I have quite a bit of time on my hands these days) reading this entire topic.

Generic, what an illuminating ride you've had. I'm so sorry for your miscarriages; the last one so, so traumatic. Your bravery in chronicling your overall very successful experience has given me hope that Nal may be the solution that works for me, as well. Finally. And as others have noted, your writing is superb - you may have the makings of a novel here. Or a series of articles in Esquire. Seriously. So please keep on posting.

I'm a bit embarrassed now with my 'writeratlarge' member name, but I've used it for so long. I'm really just a professional word whore, aka advertising/marketing copywriter/editor. But fortunate that I can make a living writing catalog or web descriptions that enable companies to sell their silly clothes or motorcycles or moisturizers or watches or whatever. Really, I guess you could say I'm saving the world, one skirt at a time. That's how meaningful my writing is. You all don't know me yet so I'll just say in case it doesn't come across, that's me being self-deprecating. But actually this a pretty educated, intelligent lot we have here, so that prolly didn't need saying. Besides, akaMonique, one of my other monikers, sounds a little too whore-whore. But I digress.

I also wanted to thank you for mentioning where you live; I lived in The City for five pretty wild years in the mid-eighties. First in Cow Hollow (Union St @ Steiner), where one night I barely remember being at Boz Skaggs house doing copious amounts of cocaine. Riding my motorcycle through SoMa in the wee hours, sunglasses at night, all black leather and blonde hair flying, trying to create a cool persona to mask how lost I was already. I also lived in Noe Valley just above Castro and had many, many wonderful gay friends. Even went to my very first AA meeting in SF, 20-some years ago. I'll save what drove me to that first meeting for another topic...

What a long, strange trip it's been.

So here I am, in week 3. My pre-TSM was 2-3 bottles of wine every day. My immediate goal is single-digit days, and this week that's where I'm headed, 2 9-unit days so far. The next goal, 5 units per day or less. Then I'll start working on AF days.

I liked what you wrote recently about intentionally leaving that last glass in the wine bottle. I'll keep that one in mind.

Oh, by the way, I do see a Dr., let's call him Dr. W. He's a GP as well as the lead psychologist at a counseling clinic (mostly for addiction) up here in the middle of nowhere Idaho. I was prescribed Naltexone by a different Dr. years ago and that didn't affect my ability to get new insurance when I changed jobs one bit. It didn't work to curb my drinking then because that Dr. had mistakenly prescribed it to be used only when I was sober and at that time I had no awareness of TSM.

It was Dr. W's suggestion, well, one of his suggestions, the other being traditional detox/withdrawal/abstinence, that I try Naltrexone and TSM. I downloaded and read the book the following day. And my current insurance covered the Rx when I used my card at the pharmacy, no problems there. Many people don't feel the need to include a Dr. in their treatment and I respect whatever works for every unique situation. For me it helps keep me accountable and perhaps more mindfull of tracking (I'm very strict on that and taking my Nal per the protocol). I'm also under his care for acute depression so it makes sense for him to be in the loop on my total co-occuring disorders package.

Sorry, I didn't mean for this to go on and on.

A note to UKBlonde, prior to my relapse 6 weeks ago, I had 14 months sober. But not very healthy sober. I became best friends with Hagen Daaz, to the tune of a pint a night! The sugar cravings were almost every bit as compelling as alcohol. I also got addicted to eBay shopping, though at least I turned that into a side business, promptly reselling my endorphin-fueled auction wins. With my recent depression nose-dive and the Naltrexone, I have barely any appetite, and have finally started exercising again. So am hopeful that once the units go down, the lbs. will, too. Also, where is the Don't Panic thread you mentioned, if you don't mind saying? Or you can pm me.

Anyway, I'm glad to be here and thank all of you for your frank disclosures. Keep them coming!