Hello,
It's nice to see the support on these forum boards. Like you all, I have the misfortune of having the genetic + environment combo. I was able to be AF over 8 years ago but only for one month, kept fighting it (miserably and poorly, even getting a DUI) then went to Rational Recovery for 3 days (outside of Sacramento, CA) and was AF for 7 years. My entry back (in 2010) was not a quick slide, but that doesn't matter now, as I began drinking more heavily two years ago (and smoking - bleck). I've stopped the smoking and was using Antabuse here and there to have AF days here and there, but knew that wouldn't be the solution. I want to be able to have 1 or 2 drinks when I'm with my boyfriend 1-3 times a week. I find I drink more when alone (bored, lonely), or the nights I have the kids (anxious) and want to be AF on those nights. I feel so badly that I've exposed my kids to this. They knew me as the AF mom for years and now I feel like the TW (train wreck) mom. I started drinking wine out of the box which has been a disaster, since I can't really see how much I've been drinking. I'm sure it's close to a bottle or more on some nights. When I was AF for those years I enjoyed the absence of guilt, paranoia, and cravings that wasted so much space in my brain. I'm looking forward to that absence once again and feel hopeful, patiently hopeful. I started last night by taking 25 mg, and drank more than I would have liked. Will keep you all posted.
Thanks,
Committed1

Hi, committed1. I know what you mean about feeling bad about the kids. Kids shouldn't have to see that, and it can be a big motivating factor for us.

I wouldn't feel too bad about the first night. You're still on half a dose, you still have habits to break, and for some reason wine drinkers seem to have a longer path than beer drinkers (the liquor drinkers are all over the place).

It can work, and it usually does. Give it time. You may see immediate changes when you increase the dose to 50mg, or it may take a couple of months to see a decrease, but that's okay. When we remember that this is a permanent fix, a few months isn't such a bad bargain.

Are you keeping a journal? That can be extremely helpful. After a few months, when we still feel like we're drinking too much, it's great to look at the record and see that we've actually come a long way.

Welcome committed1. I did a lot of drinking in Sacto and got sober there too! I was sober for 19 years then thought I was in a better place to drink which I've been doing for the past 6 years and of course gradually losing control again.

I have kids who have seen me quite drunk occasionally, and very hung over and in bed all day several times per year, which I feel bad about and I definitely never wanted that to happen.

I hope things work out for you!