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I have just bought my NAL on river as I absolutely know in my heart of hearts that this is my only chance of leading a normal life.
I think about AL all the time, compare myself to NORMAL drinkers/people, always wanting to be like them. I have drank all of my adult life and started to realise it was a problem about 5 years ago if I am honest, maybe more. At this time, I would do stupid things at parties, argue with family and not remember what I had said etc. As time has gone on after trying various strategies, only drinking at weekends, thursday to sunday, only b4 dinner, etc. None worked for more than a few days. The brain always wins (or the addiction does).
Over the past 12 months I have started to feel a dull pain in my right side in the middle of the night/early morning often after I drink. My enzymes were slightly elevated 3 years ago and an ecograph showed a slightly enlarged liver, but nothing at all serious. I know deep down I should go again and have them all checked. But I also know that if I do and there is something wrong, I still wont be able to stop, which scares the **** out of me even more. So I figure, If i am still going to drink then I am going to do TSM.
Over the past 9 months I have struggled from moderate/serious anxiety issues which I know are partially if not mostly down to my alcohol intake and worry about the damage it is doing. I am not taking any tablets, only the odd valium type tablet and only then when I awake at 3-4 am with this absolute anxiety and feeling of impending doom. Which is awful. Unfortunately at the moment this is starting to happen nearly every night and I am now getting scared of going to sleep.
I know that if I went AF, a lot of the anxiety, sleep problems will stop. But I also know I cant do more than a month (only done that once) b4 I am back on it and usuall worse.
I dont know really what I am asking here, but does anyone have these anxiety/sleep related issues at all. I cant think of another alternative to TSM, and I want to be posiitve and just let it take its course, but I am also so impatient to get rid of these anxiety issues and 6 months seems to be such a long time to wait. I also wonder if my liver will take another 6 months of drinking.
Sorry I am rambling now. Thanks for listening, but the fear is paralysing me at the moment and the thoughts about all this are becoming all consuming. I need to give my brain a rest, but dont know how to.
Forgot to say I am a daly drinker, usually sparkly such as cava, or red wine. NOt much else between 4 and 8 glasses daily. Occasionally more.
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