Just a quick update. Yes, Mer, survived the ExBF's overtures. Spent a lot of time writing a very long post about the current and prior relationship issues only to lose it - to everyone's benefit here except mine since it was way TMI! But good for me to revisit past disapointments and failed expectations so I don't fall into old patterns. I'm happy to report that if I see him, it will be on my terms, with zero expectations, and while there are still feelings on both sides, for my part, they aren't nearly as fierce and tunnel-visioned as they once were. And it doesn't affect my plans to relocate.

The other good news is that although the situation was prime for emotional triggers that a couple of months ago would have sent me in search of alcohol-fueled oblivion, that didn't happen, and I had a great week last week, units-wise, and only had 4 and 5 glasses of wine Friday and Saturday night, even when things were heating up with the ex. The NAL is doing its job! I'm feeling very optimistic about my progress.

Chris, sorry to hear about the feline/bird fiasco. Damn cats!

Planning my trip and really looking forward to getting away. Fresh perspective, new vistas, all that.

Take care, and hope everyone's having a good week.

Sheryl,
So glad to hear that you're doing so well. You sound really upbeat and positive...which is great for all of us reading your posts.
It's fanatstic that the emotional triggers just aren't triggering you...hooray! I think that's such a major advance. Sometimes, we can get hung up on the numbers when actually it's the difference that the nal is making to our attitudes, emotions and button pushing potential that really counts (although having said that you're numbers are really good too!).
Long may it last.
Ruth

Just a quick check in... I've been on an extended road trip to see family and get out in the world. My drinking went up a little and I'm not pleased to admit that some of that included drinking while I was actually driving, though not over-indulging, at least not by my usual standards. And always following protocol of Nal 1-hr prior. It was fun to stop at a vineyard for a wine tasting and take advantage of free cocktails at one hotel's happy hour - I'd forgotten what a heady experience a well-made martini can be.

But it's time to get back on track, and be more proactive about reducing the drinking and getting in some AF days. Since that hasn't happened 'naturally,' I'm considering trying a 30-day AF experiment. So far, just considering.

I will look forward to catching up on everyone's progress and adventures!

Hi Sheryl,
Good to have you back. Sounds like you enjoyed your trip....well done for sticking to the protocol. There's a charity campaign running here at the moment called "Go sober for October". It's a fund raising idea which gets people to sign up to no booze for a month. I did think about doing it, but decided it was a step too far for me at the moment!! They do another one in January called "Dry January"...I might aim for that one instead. Good luck to you if you do decide to go for a 30 day AF.Just the fact that you're considering is a sign that you're moving in the right direction.
Ruth.

Hi Sheryl,

I will be a new 'face' for you.

Was on the board in the spring, but than things happened...Anyway this is for my progress report area.

Read through the posts.

You're story in a way reminds me of mine.

Husband left, two kids, feel lonely and vulnerable; have to run like a mad person to achieve everything. I am still working too. I live in the uk and units here are different!

But I also would have wine instead of coffee; drink and drive etc.
Just got back on TSM on my own head last Fr (was on it from Jan till May this year)

Had a bit of a shake up last week - liver tests not ok, very tired and sick, have got myself in trouble at work now and with social services...
What can I say?
But have now sworn no drinks first thing or day or work....

Anyway you are doing fantastic; keep it going!
Oh, and I have a cat too, but he does not like going out much

Sheryl,

Reading about how far you have come already is inspiring! Not allowing the "enablers" back into our lives is a huge step.

Just an FYI. I have hypothyroidismt too. Last year I quit drinking for three months, and it went away and I lost 25 pounds. My tests came back really well during that time! When I started drinking again the hypothyroidism came back! There may be a correlation.

Best wishes on your walkabout!

Hi Ladies, and thanks for the encouragement.

Ruthie, yes, definitely moving in the right direction, though I updated my numbers for this week, and I really want to be recording something different, but have to stay honest.

Alice, welcome back - it sounds like you're back just in time. Rough week - but you're making the effort to alter the course, that's the important thing. Do you have a weekly progress report from your previous time? Were you experiencing positive results? How old are your kids? Hope you feel better. Im afraid to have a liver screening but at least my eyeballs aren't yellow

Hey CrazyLadyToo! My Dr. would not prescribe for hypothyroid because only one of my test numbers was borderline, but I feel so much better since I started taking the Armour Thyroid and so will keep taking it. I know the only way the weight will come off is eliminating the wine, so I pray for my vanity to overtake my desire to drink! 25lbs would be fabulous. In full disclosure, I have to admit that I allowed the BF back into my life, but on my terms. And I'll be moving soon anyway for a new job so its kind of a moot point. I'm having fun driving TLC (The Little Car - a Mazda Miata) this week with the top down on sunny days - it's hard to be sad in a convertible! We traded cars because he's in Sun Valley for a state realtor's conference and it's tough to haul golf clubs and fly fishing gear in the Miata, so he drove my Jeep.

Oddly enough, when I saw my Dr. on Tues., his recommendation was that I keep chipping away at consumption and not go cold turkey, but to follow TSM plan, and when I have 2-3 weeks in the 20-somerhing units (vs my 30-40+ currently), then aim for 2-days at some point, targeting that 2nd day for something that will spike those endorphins sans alcohol. He's happy with my progress, and the depression is easing as well. I'm making myself be aware of triggers; unfortunately, right now they're in hindsight. Like yesterday, I had a really good phone interview for a new job (they want to fly me to Atlanta next week to meet folks) and I was so exhilarated that I took my Nal and poured a glass of cabernet to celebrate an hour later at 3:30 in the afternoon. The good news is I nursed that for about two hours, went for a drive at sunset, pulled into a scruffy tavern about 10 miles out of town, but just smoked a cigarette in the parking lot and came home because I didn't want to drink (more) and drive, esp. after dark. Fixed dinner, finished the bottle of wine and went to bed at 9:30 - which is why I woke up at 4 am. At least I didn't open a second bottle.

So I'm really going to pay attention because I feel I'm drinking such a considerable amount more out of habit than desire. It does still have an effect, kind of relaxing, though not anything like pre-Nal oblivion.

If I need to celebrate, why not put on a dance/exercise dvd (right, there's a concept.)

And/or force myself to do yoga at 5pm instead of letting the mind drift to Happy Hour?

Side note: I'm finally making progress on some projects I have to do prior to moving, which could come about quickly if I get one of these jobs... being able to do anything is a good sign the depression is abaiting. As my Dr. said, I'm coming into the 4th turn - almost there.

On to the finish line!

Cheers,
Sheryl

Greetings all.

I have been in the midst of preparing to move chaos and I miss reading everyone's progress reports but I am consumed currently with downsizing from a three-bedroom house to a one-bedroom apartment.

I'm moving to Portland next week -- the Pearl District -- and will be starting a new job the following week. And leaving behind the on-again-off-again BF of five years, plus my support system of friends, small as that was. And handing off my cats to a friend - they're used to being indoor/outdoor cats and a cooped up apartment would not work. But they are like family and I will miss them dearly.

Considering my history of alcoholism, depression, and anxiety, I feel I'm getting through this stressful time fairly well. I've continued to take my Nal religiously, and whereas before I would have used alcohol to drown out the stress and fear, I'm only consuming 3-5 glasses of wine a night. Which is way huge improvement from where I was 3-4 months ago.

To be honest, I was having practically paralyzing anxiety attacks in conjunction with all these changes, and my Dr. prescribed a very limited number of alprazolam (xanax) - only .5 mg, and I've only been taking 1/2 of those at a time (it might as well be baby aspirin at that dosage, but it still helps take the edge off and allows me to focus and function and not turn to alcohol), rationing them out. And proud to say not abusing them or mixing with alcohol.

So back to the boxes for me. Hope everyone is doing well, and I'll look forward to being more involved in the community again once my life gets a little settled.

- Sheryl

I live near Portland. You'll probably enjoy the Pearl District.

It's nice to meet you, and I'm glad to hear that you're plugging away and making progress.

I also have panic attacks. They started eight years ago, and I was abstinent from alcohol at the time. I needed 20mg of Valium per day when they were at their worst, but weaned down to 10mg, and then cut to 5 in preparation for beginning TSM. I've been a little attacky since then, but I can handle it. It's not like the bad old days when I was too dizzy to move and could only lie on the floor hoping for help.

Thanks Melissa, and welcome!

I wish you great success with TSM; it's hard enough to cut down/cut it off if you're a "normal" alcoholic (or just drink too much on occasions), but the anxiety really ups the ante.

I give myself a little pat on the back because last night I woke up at 3am and neither drank nor took my baby xanex, but made a cup of sleeptime tea instead. What a concept!

Take care, and definitely stay in touch!

Sheryl