Hi JMS,

Give it some time my friend. Irritability IS indeed one of the symptoms I had in the first few months, but it faded. I think it's likely frustration that you are drinking, but not getting the endorphins you so desire. If so, irritability is a GREAT symptom. The most encouraging thing to me is that it you say it feels different when you are drinking. For me, drinking without getting the rush over an extended period of time led to less and less thinking about alcohol during the day. Actually, that has been one of the most positive things about this process for me. I don't think about alcohol every minute anymore or even every hour or day. Ironically, sometimes, I only think about alcohol when I am on here talking about it... Or of course when I have some drinks on Friday and/or Saturday which I haven't kicked yet, maybe because I don't really want to.

Keep taking the pills. These symptoms are temporary. You are making progress.

Thanks to everyone for the feedback. I am going to give it time. I've certainly given abstinence and AA plenty of time, and the cravings never went away. Generic, it is good to hear that the cravings do leave at some point, even if it took several months. And I have gone to the smartrecovery.com site and found some interesting ideas. We are in this together and I'm looking forward to being able to share my successful recovery. Have a great week!

Good Evening,

I have been on TSM for a little over eight weeks and I am finding that my patterns are changing in two significant ways. First, my overall consumption has declined over the last two weeks by roughly 1/3. I do hope that this is a sign of things to come. Second, my patterns within a given session have changed. I used to drink a lot in a very short period of time and now I am finding myself drinking more moderately over a longer period. Part of the reason for this is the Nal hangovers are a bit more severe, and that's OK. If I drink too much or too late in the evening then I am sure to pay the price the next day. I think that shows the medication is having some effect on me. And it makes me want to avoid them. I think that is a good thing.

As far as the cravings go, mine are purely mental and not physical. And I have not found them to be diminishing as of yet. Any reductions achieved so far have been hard fought through abstinence. Keeping track has helped as well. The thought of alcohol enters my head at random times during the day. My typical day is as follows: If I drank the night before I will wake up swearing off alcohol for rest of my life. If I didn't then I'm clear headed. Regardless, I'm an early riser (around 5:00 am), so by 8:00 am or so in the morning the first thoughts of alcohol will enter my head. Those thoughts will keep reoccurring throughout the morning at a rate of three to four or more per hour. Now, during that time I have a choice to fight those thoughts and change my thinking by using some techniques that I have learned, or I can choose to focus on them. If I focus on them it's game over and I will undoubtedly drink that afternoon/evening.

The thoughts in the afternoon seem to shift from random thoughts to actually planning out the activity. When I will drink and where, how I will manage it around the family and other logistical matters. Once I have done that I'm over the threshold and its simply a matter of when, where, and how much. What a horrible existence!

I will say that AA has helped me manage and cope with some of the challenges that I face. I am a much calmer, more accepting person as a result of the program. The frustrating thing about all of this is that for some reason I haven't gotten the one part of the program that I have to get 100% correct, abstinence! "Just don't drink" hasn't worked for me and I don't know why. I often feel like there was a memo that went out with some very important instructions in it and I wasn't on the distribution list. And I feel like such a piece of s*** when I go to meetings and they ask if there are any newcomers and I don't identify. If I did, it would be a never ending occurrence. That is why I am hoping so dearly that TSM works for me and everyone else on this forum.

Good luck to everyone and here's to overcoming this baffling disease!

Hey JMS,
I'm new to TSM and have just read your thread with great interest. I've been in and out of AA for years and relate to what you are saying about it just not seeming to stick for you.
But after reading Dr. Eskapa's book I am understanding more and more why people like you and I (and the majority of AA attendees) continue to fall back on our asses. If the wiring in our brain doesn't change and we are still overcome with obsessive thoughts about drinking then NO amount of abstaining will prevent us from that inevitable relapse.
I'm only in my first week and I've experienced quite different results to you, but the thing we have in common is a will to get rid of this compulsion and finally we have some hope.
Man look at your numbers, you have reduced quite dramatically, and that is surely better than abstaining until you crack and start hitting 100+ units a week again.
I'm also not going to completely throw away any of the wisdom I've learned from the rooms over the years, or any other little tips and tricks. I'm just putting my faith in some real stats and scientific evidence and I'm going to knuckle when I need to and never drink without NAL ever again. I really hope you stick with it and that it works for us both.
Good luck mate!

Good Evening,

Checking in after finishing week 8. My consumption levels have dropped and remained constant for three straight weeks! Very good and encouraging news! They have been consistently around 56 units for the last three weeks. That is a huge improvement from where I was (80 to 100 units per week). What I'm finding is that although I am still thinking about alcohol every day, I can manage to push off the act of imbibing until later in the day. And when I do, I find myself actually sipping the drink rather than guzzling it. That is a big change from my previous MO.

I will say that the hangovers seem to be so much worse on Nal than without it. On Tuesday I drank only 7 units and woke up with a serious headache. That wouldn't have happened without Nal. It made for a long day and I don't want to repeat it! I think this is a good thing. I'm looking forward to another week of declining numbers. Good luck to everyone!

Happy Friday!

That statement is definitely taking on different connotations these days. Week 9 is in the record books. My consumption levels increased this week. I think that was primarily due to the fact that I was AF one day less than in previous weeks and I had a busy weekend. The hangovers are still brutal and quite possibly getting worse. I'm also finding that during my drinking sessions I am slowing my consumption. Hopefully this leads to a reduction during those periods and an overall reduction. I am also finding that my heart seems to be pounding a bit more at night, which can't be good:( Last night I had a few drinks and then decided to go surfing. Not the best idea, but it sobered me up a bit. I'm hoping that what I am seeing is the beginning of a gradual reduction in consumption leading to a complete destruction of my desire to drink. That would be a heightened state of existence for me! I wish everyone a great weekend!

It's been a while since I've posted here. I have continued to take the Nal and monitor my progress and journal, but have not kept up on this forum. Sorry for that. My progress is ever so slow, but I do think that it is progress. There have been setbacks, and that is the frustrating part of all of this. For example, a few weeks ago I managed to go four days AF with three of them in a row. The next two weeks after that were considerably lower as well (an average of 35 units or so), and then BAM! My consumption nearly doubled for the next three weeks. I can't put my finger on what brought that about, other than the fact that I am an alcoholic. Since then it has been trending down again.

In terms of my daily habits, for the most part I no longer purchase fifths or pints of vodka. I've always been an evening drinker and if I drink I am usually done by 7:00 or 7:30 in the evening. I've started buying half pints and if I have the urge I will buy two in a day. Long gone are the days where I would buy a fifth or even a quart of booze. I've also taken to drinking beer every now and then. It has been a long time since I did that. I'm hoping that this is a sign of progress as well.

The hangovers are still brutal, but are virtually non-existent if I stick to 8 ounces of vodka. That is getting easier and easier. There have been a few occasions where I have taken the Nal right before drinking and not waiting an hour and there have been one or two where I didn't take the Nal at all. It definitely helps to keep track of things and to post here and read the posts of others. Doing so shows me that I am making progress, although it is never as fast as I want it to be. I have essentially stopped going to AA meetings as I wasn't getting any benefit from them. I probably attend one per week on average just to keep my wife happy.

Well, that's enough for now. It has been encouraging to read the posts of others and see their progress. There is hope for us yet!

JMS,

Posting and reading both are very important to me. I see your numbers are creeping down.

As mentioned before, work on getting the hard booze out of your house and daily routines. That was my first big accomplishment. Cutting to beer has helped me half my weekly numbers. Now I'm working on cutting that in half. Too many damn triggers I have built into my life, that I am slowly trying to rid myself of.

I'm coming up on six months in few days and here is what I know thus far. My original and still current goal is to be totally free of the compulsion to drink. I am drinking less than I was before starting TSM. I'm down on average 25% week to week. I have had consumption spikes during these six months as well as periods where my intake has dropped significantly. I'm currently going through a bit of a spike right now. I don't really have any answer for that, but it happens and I can't let the spikes to continue to discourage me.

Although I am drinking less, the compulsion does not appear to have abated much. It is still there in all of its glory. My first thought of alcohol hits me in the morning and it appears regularly throughout the day. Eventually it builds to such a crescendo that I simply give in and drink. I am very controlled about my drinking and usually do it in a very short window and then I am done with it. That window seems to be getting shorter. I hope that is a good sign as well. There is nothing social about it in any way, shape, or form any longer. Although it is a rare occasion where I go overboard and drink too much. I have not shared with anyone about my TSM experiment.

I think the reason for the reduction is the hangovers that Nal produces. They are brutal and I find myself just not wanting to drink as much as I have in the past. Perhaps that is part of the process, but it is not what I expected. I was assuming that my compulsion would wane over time. I was hoping that it would be like some of the stories that I read in the book where one day I realized that I hadn't thought about booze in a significant period of time. That has not happened yet, but I am still hopeful.

Going forward I now know that I have to exercise some willpower over this process and begin to resist the temptation. Perhaps I took the message in the book that told me to drink when I wanted to a little too literal. When I drink it is always in the late afternoon or early evening. I am simply going to change my behavior patterns to keep myself busy at that time. Hopefully I won't shift my behavior to some other time in the day.

In the final analysis, I guess I was looking for the magic bullet and have not found it yet. This is much like anything in life worth having. It requires work, pure and simple. I am going to keep at it and hope and pray for the best. Here is to continued progress.

You might try increasing your dose. Eskapa says that some people experience better luck with 75 mg. He also says that clinical trials have shown that some people require 9+ months to respond. I have recently bumped my dose to 62 mg and that seems to be working noticeably better than 50.