Yes, Ditto what Rich says.

Your question regarding laughing and enjoy yourself on Nal.

I understand what you mean. It does seem impossible to have fun when not drinking at times. How can I possibly be the fun guy I think I am with others when I'm not drinking and keeping up with them? Note: Keeping up with THEM means drinking about double what they are drinking, whether its guzzling with them, or sneaking several before or during.

Eventually, I think I'm learning, slowly but surely, that I don't have to do that. However, I still fail and gobble sometimes.

Similar dilemma I have, that I tell myself, is that when I have to perform some sort of public speaking, that I need to be primed up first to cut the edge. When I say public speaking, I mean, speaking to medium size sports groups I'm involved with at meetings or banquets or announcing events, when it has been my turn to talk. I think I'm a long way from that one. I would, and still do, dodge speaking in front of groups when sober, if possible. The booze "takes of the edge", I tell myself. However, I know I don't need to do this, because I didn't do this in the past. I'm working in that direction. But I still have that issue also. Fortunately, I have been able to control myself in those situations from getting hammered, before such event. However, the pre-priming I have done in those situations, has lead to being hammered said speaking requirement is over.

I'm no dummy. I know most people are not that way and I should be either, and don't want to be, and I see this getting better.

We should be able to laugh, enjoy ourselves, and speak without any of that crap in us. But it ain't easy. But without TSM, I wouldn't be here criticizing myself.

Baby steps bobbyhose. Keep taking that Nal once you get it and let us know your own take. Everyone is a bit different.

To be completely and brutally honest with you, taking naltrexone pretty much ruins drinking. You will still experience the craving to drink, and drinking WILL extinguish that craving, but that's all it does: it doesn't give you the euphoric high that normally comes with it. 10 weeks in, I am still drinking a lot, and several nights per week I find myself drinking more and more, chasing that feeling I used to get, but it never comes. And so I find myself less motivated to pursue the chase as time passes, and the frequency of days when I go overboard and have double-digit numbers of drinks just keeps dropping. I know that all I have to do is keep taking the medication, and when the time of day comes when I know I need to take it, I'm always sober when I make that decision. "What do I want more -- to get drunk tonight and get that feeling I haven't felt in so long, or to continue down the path toward my post-alcoholic life?" My sober self wants that future life very badly, so I take the pill every day in the afternoon without hesitation, before that other part of my brain can start to try to talk me out of it. By the time I get home from work, and invariably start drinking, it's too late to back out. The pill is down, adherence to TSM is maintained.

This is what it's all about!

One simple rule which you NEVER violate - Nal + 1hr before drinking. And you get to make that decision while sober way before your cravings get out of control. IMO anyone who can't follow this rule to the letter is not ready to become cured.

Rich

After a Sunday with 6, I thought I might go AF Monday, but I didn't.

I had 6 again. I had a couple before a softball game, then a couple between the softball and game and football game, and then a couple after.

I then planned on having a couple and then some more once home while watching Monday Night Football, however, a nice snack delay in the kitchen, and my crave went away. Stopped at 6 Monday.

Today is Tuesday. Took my pill, since I was feeling the crave and leaving work. Went grocery shopping. Thought the pill was beating the crave, and may go AF on the ride home and evening. Then, kerplop. Lost a bunch of food on the grocery store parking lot. Guess I better have a beer. Doesn't take much to pull the trigger does it. So I grabbed a 24oz Sweet Malt at gas station next door. Only 1! When I've crumbled and find myself in that situation, I usually, grab 2 or 3. "Just in case, says the devil". Drank it on the way home. Unloaded groceries, helped finish dinner, and stopped there. Family pre-dinner and dinner was a crabby affair. Trigger allert, but chose to have seconds, to make sure my belly was full, to kill any crave. Done at 2.

Today is Wednesday. I have a school sporting event to attend, and a sports group meeting after that, at a drinking establishment of course. So today will be dealing with both of those triggers.

GRRRRR, I did have 4 before my youth game, but only had 2 for the meeting afterwards. Feeling happy, quitting after 6 in about 4 hours, went home. Crabby household, wife fighting with kids, AND THE STINKER NEW DOG. Frustrating, but didn't drink more. Wanted to. Thought about having one, but went to bed at 9:30. Woke by crabby wife shortly after deep sleep. Now can't sleep. Got up and watched TV for 3 hours, debating drinking. But didn't. So, not much fun, but small victory for not drinking, cus I know I would have without the Nal.

Thursday, purchased 4 on the way home, had multiple stops, then stayed up late again working on computer issues at home. Another small victory.

Friday. Day off. Pregamed with friends for Friday night tailgating before and after, and blew my weekly numbers, probably around 18. I did stop when I got home. I did dump out my last beer, so I sort of acknowledged I didn't want to keep drinking at home. There was the opportunity when tailgating after game, to stay much later, but I found myself wanting to leave and get home.

55 for week number 34

Chris, I think you had a number of victories in there and are continuing to make strong, steady progress overall.

I don't have anyone but my cats to blame for triggers - oh, and the ex-BF but I'm so beyond caring about him that I don't even consider him a trigger anymore - now that's a victory!

And I'm not out in tempting social/sports situations, but it's home-alone drinking that's been my downfall for the most part.

I am curious to see how I do on my road trip. I leave next Tues. and will be visiting family and friends for 10days - 2 weeks. I'm looking forward to being in restaurants and having (hopefully) just a couple of glasses of wine, or being able to go to happy hour at a B&B without going overboard. Or slipping in an AF day. At least I'm not worried about drinking during the day - it's thankfully been a while since I started a day with wine instead of coffee.

Always glad to see you posting - keep up the good work!
Sheryl

Week 35

Good start. After 18ish Friday night. Zero Saturday. I stuck around the house, got some chores done. I did feel the crave in the afternoon. I was running errands and decided I was going to have a few. I took my Nal with a bottle of water. Running errands I grabbed 2-24oz malts, and an 18 pack of Natty. Got home, put them in fridge, and continued with another chore. Nal kicked in, and I decided to not have any. Not quite protocol, but a rare AF day even with Nal needs to be taken when available.

Sunday, Soccer game early, got home, made lunch, prepared dinner, found a couch near Sunday NFL football, took power nap. Got up, grilled dinner, NO BEER WHILE GRILLING, ate dinner, watched some more football and crashed. AF day again.

Monday, had both a youth softball and football to watch and then Monday Night Football. I grabbed 3 24 oz Malts on way home. Had 2.5 before/between/after first 2 events, but dumped the rest out once finally home. Stopped at 5. Not bad.

GRRR.. Tuesday Morning at work. I'm not bashing my wife, however, bad start to Tuesday morning. She's having a really bad day. 2 calls by 9am venting on her bad morning. This includes some minor attacks on me as well. Understood, she's having a bad day. Definitely a trigger for me, so I need to reverse that trigger today, get some crap done, and behave this afternoon/evening. TBC!

Tuesday afternoon, took Nal at work about 430. Continued to work late and didn't leave until 700. Nal working good. I needed to go to grocery store and pass MY gas station. I didn't really want to stop for a beer that bad, but let the PROTOCOL allow me to stop and get 1. I got 1--24oz can of Twisted Tea 5% Malt. Drank that on the way home and was done. So 2 beers total. Another Small Victory.

Wednesday afternoon now. Softball game to watch tonight, and sports meeting. Last Wed. these 2 events, I had 6 total. That would be a good thing for me tonight. 6 or less. TBC!

Wednesday evening. Took Nal. Left work. Had 4 before softball, 3 after softball, did not attend my meeting, instead went to dinner and had 2. More than I had hoped for.

Thursday, errands and 4 on the way home, (2.24oz Sweat Malts). Stopped there. 4 for Thursday.

Friday, getting ready to leave work. Football tailgating again. Always a challenge keeping quantity down around this group. Tuesday morning update. Friday night, once again, too many. 5 tailgating before. about 5 tailgaiting aftwards, about 5 at a neigbors driveway fire pit after that. Went home a bit earlier, NOT THE LAST ONE THERE LIKE IN THE PAST. Then walked the dog. I may have 15 or 16, but spreading it out between 5-midnight, sitll left me somewhat clear headed. Remembered everything and took the dog for a midnight walk without my bubba mug. End week 35.

Saturday night, (this actually begins week number 36 for my counting) I volunteered at my local wedding hall to tend bar. Volunteer bartenders work for free, but drink for free and keep tips. Me and 3 other bartenders split $400 bucks. Not bad for a wedding giving away free beer and wine. I paced myself pretty good. Last wedding I worked was the same way. Did not get sloshed as I would have in the past/pre-TSM. I had about 12 between 5pm-1am.

Pretty good week for me. About 36 for week number 35.

Week 35 chart

Roller Coaster City. I wonder where the week before, during, and after Labor Day plot on this graph. Hmmmmmm.

Week 36

Saturday night, I volunteered at my local wedding hall to tend bar. Volunteer bartenders work for free, but drink for free and keep tips. Me and 3 other bartenders split $400 bucks. Not bad for a wedding giving away free beer and wine. I paced myself pretty good. Last wedding I worked was the same way. Did not get sloshed as I would have in the past/pre-TSM. I had about 12 between 5pm-1am.

Sunday, had a birthday party to attend. My wifes side of the family. Plenty of beer. I ended up having 5 before and about 6 or 7 there. About 12. Did pour a full 1 out at the end before going home. Didn't eat until 3pm party, and ate like crap, first meal chips, sandwich, then cake and ice cream added to the 12 beers in a short window. Horrible sleep with terrible belly aches and trips to potty in the evening. Rough day/sleep.

Monday, had scheduled day off to go to Doc. I told my Doc back at my last visit early in 2012 that I drank too much and was going to try and quit. Thats when I made it 1 month after that visit. Doc didn't seem to care much. He is a small town guy, my age, from a neighboring heavy beer drinking community also. (THATS WHY I PICKED HIM SEVERAL YEARS AGO, BECAUSE HE IS BASICALLY USED TO ALCOHOLICS AND DRINKS A BUNCH HIMSELF). Since then, I missed the next appointment, and finally was scheduled to go back in to get blood work and check my scripts results.

Currently on High Blood Pressure and High Cholesterol meds. I'm sure due to my drinking, eating bad, and being over weight. (Eating Bad and Being over weight due to drinking of course.)

I was ready to spill the beans with Doc about TSM and also ready for bad results on blood work. I had my progress graph chart in hand and TSM printouts. First bummer of my visit was the SCALE. Damn, all time high. Depressionville. Oh well. On to exam room. Nurse sits me down and says the Doc has 2 student Docs tailing him right now, am I OK with that. Crap. I should have said No. So when the Doc and his 2 students arrive, I rationalize, this is not the time to sell this guy on TSM with 2 students in the room. I'm thinking he would be much less likely to go for something he doesn't know about. So I sh*tcan the idea about spilling the beans. Then the amazing results from blood work. Everything right where it should be. Blood Pressure good, Cholesterol good, LIVER FUNCTIONS good, (or so they say), Diabetes stuff good. The only thing out of spec was triglycerides were high, but they blew that off. He then said, we don't need to see your for a year. I guess I will build up some more data and try and get back in there in about 3 months. I want to spill the beans about TSM for 2 reasons. I understand that it would be the healthy thing to do for the Doc to know everything, and monitor me better, and also, I think my script would only be about $7 for 30 pills versus about $44 for 30 from allday, plus $25 shipping. I do have my reservations also about the insurance thing, and having the Nal in my file for life. So that is my Monday Doc visit dilemma. I did go home and google high triglycerides. Amazing, one of the causes is too much alcohol. TIME TO NOT DRINK SO DAMN MUCH AND GET BACK IN THE GYM AND LOSE SOME DAMN WEIGHT, right? Oh well, I didn't do either. Bummed leaving Doc's office, my TSM fortitude failed a bit. I needed a damn beer. So I popped my Nal, killed an hour, and grabbed 4 beers. The only good news, that was it, the 4 beers, so protocol was followed.

Tuesday ...... Took my Nal at work, grabbed 4 for ride home, (2 - 24 oz cans of Sweat Twisted Tea Malt 5%). I had them before I went to a local meeting. After the meeting, I had alone time to kill and wrongly decided I needed more, so I got 4 more units of the same. I filled up my 48oz bubba mug. I did mentally debate I really don't want more, but still did it anyway. I reluctantly drank half of the mug, and then poured out the other half. Why do I do this? Hell, I don't know, but it happens. Bad that I still have the feeling I gotta have more, but good that I can acknowledge I don't really want them. A very weird messed up battle goes on in my brain daily. At least I stopped at 6 units. Just to remind myself. Pre-TSM, before this event I would have had a pint of vodka, about 9 units, on the way home, before this meeting. And would have 3 or 4 beers at home afterwards while sneaking/supplementing with sneaky shots of vodka in the utility room and closing in on 18+ that evening. This helps me justify 6 as a success, not 8 and definitely not 18+, passing out and snoring my brains out, and waking up feeling really sh*tty.

Wednesday ......... Sports booster meeting at bar/grill. Before, during, after, about 12 total.

Thursday ......... F. Went golfing, corporate outing, free beer. Very slow paced on golf course for me. 8 total on course and including clubhouse afterwards, but ended up having about 8 more at home. Crap. Retired client of mine golfing with me did comment, "You must be getting old Chris, your slowing down." Meaning I wasn't drinking close to a beer a hole.

Friday F. Friday Night Tailgating and Neighborhood Driveway afterwards, proceeded to the 18 beverage level.

83 for week 36.

Hi Chris

Good to read your progress - interesting how you are identifying your triggers ... bad round on the golf course certainly one to add in for me!!

Thanks for your message about Allday - scary them ringing you ... that's a bit cheeky!! Got a message from a kind person on here that Goldpharma were back in stock ... so I've ordered from them .. feeling a bit low I've kind of totally relapsed since my supply ceased mid July ... but hey - like we all know - it works when you take the tablet ... but if you don't have any tablets to take .. guess what .. it doesn't work!!

so .. worth every penny

Have a good weekend

Lorraine

Loraine, Not having the Nal would suck for me. I'm sure I would relapse back into my 18 per day, 6 or 7 days per week. Gotta take the Nal.

Week 37

Saturday F. Probably should have doubled up on a second Nal. Had just a couple early on in the day at lunch, out shopping with my wife. Then took a break at home, no beers then, but later went to a rural friends party at a vacant farmhouse bonfire. Again passing the 18 unit level for the day. I screwed up not taking another Nal.

Sunday C. Only about 8, spread out throughout the day, but I should have made this an AF day. Very small amount of household crabbiness sent me to the Nal and beer. Very weak excuse on my part to have any. I really need to break that trigger.

Monday D. Dozen beers. Left work. Youth football game to watch and stayed up late afterwards liking my Birthday wishes. Happy Birthday to me. Maybe I can pull of an after birthday AF.

Tuesday A. Yes AF day Tuesday. Took Nal about 4pm. Left work about 6pm. I was headed in the general direction, (not the shortest route home), of the gas station for a couple of beers for the ride. I managed to say no, and kept on trucking home. I need more of these.

Wednesday night I have a meeting to attend........ Well the meeting accounted for about 10, I did scrap 11 and 12. D+. Plus for scrapping 11 or 12.

Thursday D- . Had 12 scattered over 6 hours of running errands. Unfortunately, similar to pre-TSM activities. (Minus the vodka, minus 6-10 additional, minus skipping dinner.) Just staying home is so much easier for me to dodge old triggers.

On to Friday. Caught between a rock and a hard place. I love high school football and the tailgating and reunions before and after the game. I will also be somewhat happy once the season is over, and my Friday night numbers may begin to drop, hopefully.

Checking in Monday. Yes Friday was status quo. Dozen total, pre game and after game at a nice restaurant afterwards. The 12 beers were spread over 7 hours.

72 Units for week 37. On to week 38.