Hi all -

It's been an interesting week. I was very scared to start taking Nal because I was worried about the side effects, but like many of my worries, it turned out to be okay!

I definitely noticed a change in how alcohol affects me. It's like being drunk without the high. Last night I drank two 16oz beers at a restaurant. When we left we hung around and watch some animals in the water, then got some dinner for my son and his friend and delivered it to them. We chatted for a while then went home. I wasn't jumping out of my skin, going crazy for another beer like I normally would which is great progress. I did notice that I wanted to drink more, but it wasn't coming from that extreme craving.

I had one more beer at home which I guzzled without my husband knowing. (I still haven't told him, las night I was going to but the restaurant was loud and I felt really dulled by the Nal + alcohol, I took 50mg for the first time last night. I promise to tell him this weekend!) I felt REALLY tired and mostly uninterested in drinking after that and went to bed at 10. Normally, I would stay up, sneak more alcohol, sneak a cigarette, etc. Stressful!

Since I'm starting a new progress thread, I'll bore everyone with my history: I began drinking at 15 and got sober in AA at age 27. I stopped going around age 31 because I felt like my life was on track and I was not wanting to continuously focus on alcohol and bad stuff. I felt normal. I had my kids which has been an awesome experience. Over the years I would go to parties and feel a bit deprived and wished I could drink like everyone else, so that was always in the back of my mind.

Around 5 1/2 years ago I decided to have a drink, feeling that I was a different person than I was back in the day when I was drinking and it would be easier to handle. Gradually, the cravings returned and I began to see that I was having trouble controlling my drinking again. I was not as bad as I was in my younger days, but I was sneaking drinks when out, sneaking at home, having horrible hangovers here and there when I couldn't get out of bed (great role-model), had a few blackouts, drove drunk. This seems to have escalated in the past few years.

I feel very blessed to have heard the tail end of a Claudia Christian interview on the radio. I bought her book and knew I had found another lucky ticket in my life (it's happened before)!

So, here I am, giving it a shot. So far, so good.

Thank you for being here.

Good Job maggiemay! Your first week with Nal is very promising. I noticed you have 2 AF's also! Be sure to follow the rule (Nal + 1hr) come hell or high water.

I'm finding that AF's are coming with ease and I'm forcing myself to drink (how backwards is that!). The negative effects of drinking are outweighing the benefits. I have not had the "rush" since day one of starting the Nal despite trying to drink through the Nal, I get a moderate to heavy hangover in the morning and very dehydrated. And my thoughts are - this sucks why am I doing this? All of the negative stuff is helping me at the split second when I could stay Doctor Jekyll or become Mister Hyde (how dumb is that metaphor).

Another part of this journey (for me at least) is coming clean with my wife and stopping the lies and sneaking. I started that when I asked her to order the Eskapa book "The Cure for Alcoholism" from Amazon for me. I have a problem, she knew for years and is supporting me 100%. She can't make my drinking decisions for me but she's there for me to discuss my feelings towards alcohol, what I'm experiencing while going through TSM and can give me the occasional pat on the head. Coming clean has gotten one more monkey off my back. So IMO come clean with hubby and get your occasional pat on the head (it feels good!).

The other thing that is happening is I'm feeling better, sleeping better, eating better and in general am happier than 6 weeks ago. I've noticed that when I wake up in the morning my thoughts are more positive and I find myself saying "I didn't drink yesterday - wow" more often than not. I noticed these things starting week 5. All of this feedback seems to be pushing me further away from alcohol - Thank God!

Let the Nal do it's job and take every opportunity to choose (don't force it - no white knuckles) less/no alcohol. As your body recovers from being poisoned you start to feel/think better and that helps with the choosing and you find you have developed a different attitude towards alcohol.

TSM is a powerful tool and so damn simple. Read the book, follow the rule, let time pass, feel the relief as you kick alcohol out of your life.

ugh, sorry, I hijacked your thread.

Rich

That's okay, I appreciate your comments!

Especially today.... I spent the entire day and night yesterday in bed with a HORRIBLE hangover..... the worst I've had in a while.

It seemed out of proportion to what I drank the night before. Saturday night was my second night of taking 50mg and I drank from 615 (had Nal at 515) until around 1115 or so. I was drinking wine with friends and I didn't pay attention to how much I drank but I know we drank around 4 bottles between the three of us, and one of my friends wasn't drinking as much so maybe I had a bottle and a half.... I don't know. I remember wondering why I was NOT wanting to drink since I took the Nal. I did notice it was not enjoyable but I kept on drinking. Is that drinking through the Nal? It seems like I lost my awareness and sense of choice to drink, like usual.

Is it normal to have an unusually bad hangover like this?

maggiemay,

Well all I can say is I never (or very rairly) had a hangover on 1 or 2 bottles of wine. Now I have a mild hangover/dehydration at 1 bottle and 2 bottles is a decient hangover - not sure if it's the Nal or Nal in combination with the AF's or some other trigger. I accept the hangovers as a good thing because I'm not rewarded in the least by drinking now. No "rush" and feel like crap the next day. How many years am I going to keep this up? (ugh, hope not years!)......

Rich

My units were lower than usual this week, in part due to Nal, in part due to my hangover on Sunday being SO bad I didn't really feel like drinking for several days.

I was supposed to go to a party tonight and was kind of scared to go. I tend to lose myself in large gatherings and drink more than I would if home. I was afraid I'd drink too much like last Saturday night when I was with my friends and feel horrible again tomorrow. My husband didn't really want to go and we ended up not going because I wasn't feeling well but I realize I have forced myself to go to things that I really don't want to attend but feel like I SHOULD and then the alcohol helps me to enjoy myself in a situation that I don't feel comfortable in.

Btw, I finally told my husband last weekend about TSM and he didn't say much. I was a little disappointed but he's kind of introspective and quiet about things.

Not going someplace you really don't want to go is actually pretty healthy. Your body knows what it wants, so we need to pay attention to that resistance. Of course, it tells us it wants alcohol, too, but we're working on retraining that urge.

Good for you for confiding in your husband. His lack of reaction may just mean he needs to absorb it all and doesn't know how to react, though I imagine even a modest show of support would be comforting. Most of my family knows and a few of my closest friends, but I don't know how many get it or even try to understand it.

When I told my then-now-ex BF that I was trying something radically different, he didn't even ask what it was; he had already written me off for yet another relapse (although he had at times been the most co-dependent, enabling partner one could imagine.) He wouldn't even take me to the doctor. Sorry for the sidebar; he's been reaching out to me again and I need to remind myself why he/it's not a good idea.

Let's all have a good week, shall we?
Cheers!

Thank you for your comments writer. I always struggle with wanting to fit in and be a part of the party scene even though I guess I deep down don't really feel comfortable there. It's been hard for me to accept because I feel like I'm missing out.

Tonight I was out at a gathering and drank four beers but didn't feel high at all. Consequently, I was subdued and felt "dull" and wished I was at home. Alcohol has aided me in loosening up and feeling less shy. Now, I'm drinking with the Nal and feeling a little buzzed but like my normal shy self plus tired. It's weird. I can see where I might feel better not drinking at all.

So, I was a little bummed that I wasn't feeling my normal high that makes me feel uninhibited. But then, I came home and I was sober! And I didn't start drinking more which, of course, I normally would have. My son just got home from a weekend trip and I was able to sit and listen to him talk about it without being distracted by craving or being drunk.

It's a trade off and I'm hoping that feeling of being bummed about not being high lessens as I continue along.

I've been drinking less but I feel SO tired the next day after taking NAL and drinking. I hate it. I think I'm just going to have 3 drinks every time I drink to try to mitigate that.


I definitely feel able to stop though the last two nights I was tempted to just drink without the NAL, but I ddin't. I'm figuring that eventually that desire will go away, I hope so. I'm not that gratified with drinking on NAL.

maggiemay,

"I'm not that gratified with drinking on NAL." - that's the whole idea. And don't break the rule it will set you back. Break it once and you'll break it again.

I'm feeling similar - drinking seems not to be worth it anymore, why bother..... Almost there but not quite.

Rich

Thanks Rich! I woke up sick today so I'm sure that was part of my fatigue and mood yesterday.

I'll keep at it. I hope you have a nice weekend.