Xsvan, I'm excited to read your posts; I'm not technically agoraphobic, but my drinking / depression/ isolationist tendancies have pretty much rendered me such.

For example, today I had a Dr. appt.; kind of a big deal for me to get up, dressed, drive - the normal things people take for granted. Then I threw on getting a pedi and going to the grocery store - whew! We're talking a huge day; how f***ing pathetic is that? And people are out in bathing suits and shorts enjoying the 90 degree sunshine, and all I can think is kill me now. OK not quite literally, but my mental state is such that sunshine is still a bit much to take. God, I hate admitting that.

How do you go from 7.5 a 9 units to zero? Admirable but possibly too ambitious?

24 July 7.5
25 July 7.5
26 July 6 (wine)
27 July 8-9 (wine - argument w/SO)
28 July too much
29 July too much
30 july 8

28-29 July were also sleepless. A pattern? More broken promises, watching, erm, ok... not CRAP tele this time, but, a good show in too large a dose. Rather like... good scotch? The 31st has been another 'over' day, but I've taken another 25mg Nal, waited an hour between drinks and am avoiding tele. Accomplished much more than I'd have done in past.

All the best everyone. I hope I am keeping up.

Xanthippe

Xanthippe,

Sounds like things are a bit up and down but then that's the nature of the beast. Don't be too hard on yourself about broken promises. You're taking steps to help yourself and that's the thing that matters most.

From what I understand we should drink as we normally would and in the situations that we normally would...but only having taken the Nal one hour before. I'm not saying go deliberately overboard, but we do have to drink to allow the extinction to occur. You know all this yourself as you've been here before. I guess I'm just saying treat yourself with kindness and let Nal do its work.

Take care,

Ruth.

Holy sh*t, unless I've misread, I have no idea how to get to zero from any number of units. 7.5 sounds rad to me, that's a full unit under my norm, 8.5.

Your day doesn't sound f***ing pathetic at all, but I totally understand--I won't even show my legs just yet. Someday, someday, however... I shall drive again. Sun is something that gives me the gecko, so to speak: all those lovely people (scary/appealing), all that possibility (terrifying/oh-how-I-wish), all the normal liveliness (wtf/please gimme).

And hey! I've just realised, you're the most recent person I've replied to! Forums usually depress me. I let them depress me, rather. But it was in Ives's progress thread, I believe, and you made my day!

No worries admitting to self-presumed weirdnesses. When cashiers bitch about the rain I want to grab the sides of their collar and shout, 'Then WHY THE **** DO YOU LIVE IN PORTLAND?'

The fella and I were promised a temperate climate. Ha. First summer was 104 Fahrenheit. And now our winters have no snow. Anyone wanna stuff us, our cats, our other oddments in a box, and post it to Scotland?

writeratlarge, I want to see you veer well clear of agoraphobia. Nal does indeed work for the drinking side of things.

In my case of failure first go round, I attribute it to receiving a time-release version of the drug (Nodict!); bad when the full dose is supposed to be in one's system within an hour. Worse yet, I let myself lose faith in my own power as well.

If you ever want to talk about isolationist tendencies et cetera, pm me, or whatever's comfortable. Do you want to know the weirdest place I've found myself? A forum for schizoids. Not schizophrenics, but people with schizoid personalities wanting to interact with one another. People who dislike people wanting to talk to... well you get the picture. That's when I really began wondering about my social disinclinations.

All the swellest,

Xanthippe

I'm working my way through Portlandia. Love the show and the town looks amazing (at least on the show). The 90s Live On!

I can't say how much that means, Ruth. Thanks a million is the best I can do!

Yes, I' ve really got to let up on my moderated limit. The 'too much' days and, well, anything above 8.5 in weeks previous, have been really rough on my system both physically and psychologically. Those have ocurred when my beau has fallen asleep and left the remainder out. I've pounded my fist into my palm and said something to the effect of, 'Ha, oh goody!' Which is bizarre because I'm the one who asked that he start locking it up.

Simply because it's been there I've gone bonkers! No, because it wasn't supposed to be there but was... lovely temptation.

Again, thank you. We'll be able to work something else out here, I'll take Nal as usual, and as you said, definitely, be kind to myself. I know it'll all sort itself out.

All the best to you and yours,

Xanthippe

I love Portland, OR and love the show Portlandia, too. In fact, would definitely consider moving to Portland; the rain fits my disposition perfectly. My sister and friend lived there so I visited numerous times; also set up a press event there once so got to stay in the best hotels and check out fabulous restaurants.

X, you're doing fine! You're just getting started again! But I know how you feel, my units went down exactly ONE UNIT per week the first three weeks, and it's hard not to compare yourself to some lucky super-responders who cut their units in half or more right away. But this is not a short-term program; we have to be patient. And anticipate that even those super-responders experienced spikes on their road to progress.

Oh, my previous comment about admiring going 7-9 units to zero was in ref to a couple of AF days you had. Something I can't imagine just yet because I still experience a bit of withrawal symtoms (mainly shakiness, by late in the day), so my goals are modest to achieve a gradual withdrawal until I reach healthy consumption levels with some AF days; for now, single-digit days (up to 9 units), but for this week I've added a goal of 20% reduction, and may be on track to achieve that, having just racked up 5- and 4-unit days Tues and Wed.

Thank you for your funny and supportive comments! I did go for a drive Tues night to our local ski resort, just to take in the view (and drink my first glass of wine for that day.) Good for the perspective.

August is going to be a better month. I'm feeling encouraged that the Nal's starting to kick in. Many adventures to come. And we're expecting thunderstorms today- how cool is that!

Cheers everyone!

Hi Xanthippe, just checking in since we haven't heard from you in a few weeks. How are you doing?

Ives,

That is so kind and considerate of you to nudge folks to give an update. Hearing everyone's challenges and victories is very helpful to me.

So yes, Xanthippe, how goes it? I miss your f*^king sense of humor!