Great to hear that things have taken a turn for the better. A 2 unit day is impressive. Well done.

Thanks, Ruthie. It's so key that we all share our challenges and our victories.

Mer, you had an AF day in the midst of all that's on your plate, and thèn a 5 - that's still relatively lightweight for many of us, in fact that's still my goal! You're still on track.

UKB, appreciate your comments - they help us keep a realistic expectation and remind us that this is a process that takes time and continues to evolve.

This week is my Week 6, and it truly feels like I'm turning a corner. This morning was the first time I can remember waking up and actually feeling good. Not sad. Not wretchedly hung over. Not abjectly listless and questioning the meaning of life.

Part of my plan is to not stay up late binging on Netflix - which also helps keep the wine #s down. I even poured 1/2 a glass back in the bottle! So it was a 3-unit night, just a tad over half a bottle of a decent cabernet. The less I'm getting that buzz reward, the less I'm wanting it. Exactly the way this thing is supposed to work! And now that my body is getting used to the lessening amount, I don't have the physical cravings; no shakes in the morning, heartrate isn't racing, legs aren't twitching and waking me up at night. I don't feel so anxious. So I think I'm safely through the physical withdrawal part. The body definitely has to be carefully weaned from 2-3 bottles of wine/day to less than 1 bottle per day.

I know that the Nal has made this possible. But I'm part of the solution, too. Because I'm intent not only on rewiring my brain, but changing lifelong habits and thought patterns.

...

Yesterday, after my Dr.'s appointment, I drove into Coeur d'Alene, and went into a few stores, bought groceries, and then came home. I've hardly been leaving the house other than my bike rides so this was a major step for me.

Today, another nice bike ride, an hour and a half with a few stops to stare at the lake and wander along some paths in search of hidden beaches.

Tonight a friend is coming over and I'm putting together a little picnic to take down to the lake. My house is picked up. The kitchen is clean. The cats are fed. My hair looks good. Seemingly simple things, but for me huge steps toward taking an active interest in life again. The small dark tunnel of depression that has been my world these past couple of months is finally starting to expand.

Oh, oddly good news today. I got some lab results back and it turns out that I'm literally right on the cusp of hypothyroidism, the symptoms of which include depression, fatigue, memory dysfunction, and weight gain, among others, and women 50+ are particularly susceptible to it. Which means, if my Dr. agrees to treat it, even at the lowest Rx level, I should experience at least some boost in energy, metabolism, and weight loss. Plus the medication doesn't have any other side serious side affects.

My friend is bringing frozen margueritas and she's not much of a drinker, knows my situation. So I predict I will stay the course of my 5 or under/day goal for this week. Better go take that Nal now; after all it is Friday.

Thanks everyone. Have a good weekend!

It's amazing, isn't it? Today was also my first non-hung-over morning in a couple of weeks. I slept well and woke up refreshed, not miserable. Got into work feeling like I could do anything.

Every morning that you wake up NOT hung over, remind yourself that it's part of the reward you are receiving for keeping your consumption down the night before. Before TSM, it's a more balanced trade-off -- get drunk and feel euphoric, then suffer the hangover as payment for that. Now that the euphoria is gone, the trade-off is nowhere near fair. Three drinks or ten drinks, the euphoria is not going to happen, so why sign up for the ten-drink hangover when you're not really getting anything in return for it?

Hey, Writer, so glad you have discovered your hyperthyroid situation. I had it too but had a heck of a job convincing my doctor to medicate. The scale here is from 0 to 5 'whatevers' and I was a 6.5 which he did not consider "bad" enough to medicate. Half my hair had fallen out and I was freezing to death but he said he did not treat "symptoms." I think people could hear me yelling at him down the street from his office - I had done my homework on this and knew I probably would be better down around 1 or lower. But he did give me a script and within two weeks I felt better and within months my hair started to grow back. My 'numbers' are now under 1. Poor doctors! He was mad as heck at me for going over his head - to the internet no less - to find out my own problem and using him as a pill pusher but what the heck else can we do? Kinda like TSM, no?

This is a huge problem for women of a certain age so thank your lucky stars your doc is willing to treat you. It is a fine line between being low and being just right it seems.

On the other front: I am simply amazed at the change in YOU, my girl Reading some of your first posts I'd not recognize you at all. I read now lots of up stuff, hope, plans, and going into town!!! And no dark glasses and big shirt??? Yowza Isn't it wonderful?

The next big step will be to see you pour that bit of wine left in the glass down the sink instead of back in the bottle (I know, I know it was the good stuff...)
Babs

Oh Writer, I was thrilled to read your post. Obviously, the decrease in alcohol is great...congratulations. However, even more impressive is the positivity that shone out from your words. It's not all about the units, but about how we're feeling and what we're doing. And you're doing loads!! Bike rides, picnics, shopping, house cleaning...the list goes on. I'm thrilled for you. Long may it continue.

As an aside, I was diagnosed with low thyroid levels just over a year ago. I'd been feeling really tired, sluggish, breathless and cold for ages before they realised what was wrong. Anyhoo, my levels are now back up to normal and those symptoms have gone away but they didn't go overnight. For me, it was a gradual return to normal.

Have a good week.

Ruth.

Writer, I just dropped in to say goodbye and thanks for your support and helpful comments. I've decided to go for it and become abstinent. There's nothing left to do, but just DO IT. TSM does work so you hang in there and you'll get to just where you want to go.

Have courage and when you feel your worst head on over to the Cured List and read and read and read. That's what I did.

My Dear, have a wonderful sober life. God Bless you
Babs

Short reply; hard typing on my smartphone on holiday... Sad to hear that you are leaving Babs! But glad to hear you are doing so much stuff and feeling so positive, writer!

Week 7

I don't have any major progress to report this week. No stunning breakthroughs. No inspired epiphanies.

But then, no serious drama, either. No plunging into despair. No sense of impending catastrophe. No major drinking spikes.

If anything, I'm just f^*king bored with my lazy-ass self. Spending too much time online on the couch and not nearly enough time, i.e. almost none, creating positive new habits or tackling old projects to get me out of the isolation that I've embraced. Which will come to an end shortly anyway, because I have to put on my big girl panties and figure out what my next moves are, in just about every area of my life. Daunting, to say the least.

I like where I live, but it is such a small community that I will always be seeing my ex and our circle of friends if I remain here. And I don't really care for that idea. I don't want to go back to my job (here) at the end of my medical leave of absence (in about a month). It was so dysfunctional, so stressful, that it would not be an environment conducive to a balanced, healthier lifestyle, but how many corporate work environments are? Or are these just rationales for what AA calls doing a geographic? Because wherever I go, there I'll be. Actually my preference would be to line up some freelance work so I can put off going back to my old job or looking for a new one. So that's a decision of sorts, worked out right here and now. Thank you for letting me share

Next month I'll be taking a road trip for several weeks to see family and friends in California. The change of scenery and freedom of the open road should help my perspective. And the trip is another deadline of sorts; there's a ton of sh*t I need to accomplish before I go, so damnit, woman, just shut up and get your ass in gear.

That's my update for now.
Hoping that more will be revealed.

It looks like your consumption has really dropped over the last couple of weeks. I'm a bit jealous.

While it may be true that "wherever you go, there you'll be," when you are trying to change your lifestyle, meeting new people who live a healthier lifestyle and spending more time around them can only help you. If moving helps you to that end, and gets you out of the rut of "same old small town, same old group of people" that you've been stuck in for so long, then it might be the right choice for you. I know that moving out of my last living situation a couple of months ago has been a major psychological boost for me. I'm living in a more urban part of town, getting out of the house a lot more often, meeting new people, and trying to pick up new hobbies and interests. I'm still drinking a lot, but at least I'm not spending 5+ evenings per week just sitting at home getting drunk anymore.

If your trip takes you through Eugene, Oregon, why don't we meet up? You might even stay in our tiny guest room...