Writer, Thanks. You're right, I need to be patient and find it in me to stay focused on the 'prize'. Good for you that you acknowledge all this and are doing the work yourself. I personally think that those wine bottles are too small - but that's the drunk in me I'm sure. The reason is bc even tho I'm not a big wine girl (vodka thank you), when we do order a bottle with a dinner out it's really only 2.5 glasses! 40-50 bucks for 2.5 glasses of wine - racket.

I kept to 2 glasses last night which is around 4 shots, using everyone's tips I should be VERY grateful b/c that's nothing compared to what I was drinking - not even close. The habit factor is so very real - wish I could rewind and stop myself once that habit starting kicking in without me knowing about it.

Actually stopped at 9 after a stupid movie called Hester or something, made some tea and read the good Dr. E's book in bed - kinda felt like what a 'normal' person would do - sans that actual book.

Still woke up at 2 and the drinking dreams are all over me... apparently you can't get ghetto vodka in Istanbul ... ?????? ! who knows.

Tomorrow is my office moral build at our local casino - will be 'high' on nal and nobody will understand why I'm not slamming the good stuff but I'll feel good Sat morning at least.

Luv you'all.
M.

Hi Marianne,

seems like were both having it rough for a few days. Messing about with nal is not a good idea, i should know Ive done it for a long time and Im seriously paying the price to the point where I sometimes think that I may have done irreperable damage. This really is a progressive disease, I started out with glasses of beer many years ago then onwards marched through wine and vodka. Now if I want a quick hit I will knock back two or three shots of vodka without a mixer. Then I kick myself in those awfull hours before dawn. I wish I wish I wish I had never had that first drink.

Trisha,

I agree! I don't regret the first drinks, I think as a teen in a disfunctional home they helped me survive but I wish at the point where I trained my brain to become an alcoholic that I would have realized the long-term, habit-forming damage I was doing. Clearly we can't go back in time but I can dream.

I learned last weekend that drinking w/o taking a pill after have been taking nal for 4 days is a huge mistake! My body hurt worse than any hangover I've had in a long time. I'm not used to hang-overs (tolorance) but this one lasted 2 days and was horrible. I'm kinda glad I did that so that I know better next time actually - sick mind I know - but I'm one to test the waters on everything and learn the hard way.

I just got back from lunch and ordered ice tea at a bar, for some reason that makes me feel strong. Maybe everytime I do that I can reinforce the fact that I'm strong enough to drink tea and no lightning actually struck me! I feel good about it.

Trisha, I believe we've got it in us to pull through, one nal at a time.

Right now so early in, I'm still a toxic lab rat but a hopeful rat.

Thanks.
Marianne

I know that waking up without the hangover & dehydration of drinking is what nature intended us to be feeling - that is feeling rested and at peace with ourselves. Unfortunately after a few days of that I feel good and what the hell feeling good means I can drink.

wk3 with the trailing 4 AF's - I was feeling good! Took me three days to screw that up.

Note to self: Get your head examined.

Rich

Rich, I love a good sense of humor - especially when I can relate!

So, last night had one drink more than I should have - which equated to 6 shots in all over a 3 hour period. Sounds horrible to the normal person I'm sure, but that's a ton less than I normally would be drinking and I actually went to bed at 9 with Dr. E's book and remember what I read... crazy. I feel bad about that one extra drink and I think I actually started feeling a buzz so I'm going to up my dosage to 25 mgs vice the lesser.

Just took that 25 mgs in preperation for my office party - last year I got toasted but I'm not sure if it was obvious b/c I 'think' I handle myself well when 'normally' drunk - maybe it was if I was toasted - oh, I recall having to pick my car up in some random parking lot the next day so maybe it was obvious - oops. I don't miss wondering what I did the night before at parties amoung many other things. This year will be different.

Rich and everyone - be good alcholics and take your nal this weekend! I'm gona. My laptop is on the fritz and my phone font is small for a 45 year olds eyes so not sure if I'll be on this weekend but I wish everyone the best.

Marianne

Hi Marianne

Hope all goes well at the office party , its these type of social events I dread .Congrats on your progress .

J.

Knock on wood I have been following the rule to the letter since day one!!

Party was successful. Only one drink at lunch but gambling is not a good idea and luckily 50 bucks down I couldn't take it anymore. Not bc of the $ but the bar and waitresses asking what I wanted were too much. Guess I'm too new at this and glad I left when I did. Someday my hope is that I can play wo the desire regardless of where I'm at. So all god for now. M.

Waking up on a Monday without someone trying to take my eyeball out with an ice pick is such a great feeling!!!

Weekend was a success! Even tho I did drink it was very little and I accomplished a ton, to the person who told me that the past drinking time could be used to clean up the alcoholic house - thank you! Great advice! I'm a very clean / neat person but apparently the drink snuck some stuff by me.

Thank you everyone and have a great Monday!

M.