Cindy,

Don't beat yourself up when something like the toilet comes along - life happens. I was living single with my son for many years and had to deal with similar stuff. I'll never forget when some guy gave me this picnic table which I thought would make a nice rustic dinning room table, put it on my wood floor, woke up to shavings on the floor under the table and HUGE bees everywhere!!!! OMG! Worse yet, I've never been stung and am terrified of any bugs! I woke up neighbors (strangers!) and they helped me get that stupid table out of my house, I think they liked helping out so don't rule out asking for help. Needless to say, I drank more than my fair share that day thinking about those stupid wood bees on my WOOD floor - eek. I've got a ton of stories similar, always used drinking to cope but the point of the story is that people tend to like to help so if you can, reach out to your neighbors if you're comfortable doing that - you might just make some sober friends - who knows.

Something that I've noticed that is slowely helping me is to make a mental note of days that I wake up clear headed and energetic, thanks to nal I finally have some of those days and I don't want to forget what it feels like.

Hang in there and keep posting!
M

I always look forward to your posts! I just reviewed my log at 3 weeks and am still at about the same level but its nice to know other people had similar experiences. I think im going to try to set goals as far as reduction in consumption. Today I downed a few beers on the way home, but when I got here I had crap to do. I spent a couple hours getting my crap done and had this strange feeling like I didn't need to drink any more. I almost didn't but.... I then decided to download some music in my Ipod and cracked a few more lol. Im all alone in a big empty house every nite with a big screen computer hooked up to some loud speakers. So when I crank up the tunes its on LOL. Getting out of the shower and feeling like I actually had a choice as to how I spend my nite was a really cool experience even if I chose to crank the stereo up and drink. I too take sleep aids, just tea and melatonin, I had a nite a few days ago I only drank 6, took the melatonin and went to bed early just to be rewarded by waking up at 3:30 am and not falling back to sleep till when my alarm was going off at 6:15. Sleep issues are totally part of this game! Helpless woman syndrome LMAO, Don't get down about it! There isn't 10 mechanic shops within a mile of my house because everyone is able to drop a transmission on their own. Its ok to need help. Seriously, let the boys who know how to deal with Poo going the wrong way fix it LOL. **** Happens... Literally LOL. I wish you the best Cindy and look forward to your next post!

Thanks to everyone for your positive attitude and tips. I find myself feeling pretty frustrated right now because my numbers are way up this week. I know its all part of the process but I'm so used to beating myself up that it just comes naturally. What a miserable disease this is. People look down on you as selfish or weak-willed, so we learn to hide our alcoholism from others, but we can never hide it from ourselves. Thus the self flagellation when we don't "measure up". I'm trying to be strong, but I have so much wreckage that I'm dealing with right now. Divorce court, criminal domestic violence charges, monetary issues. Geez, why the Hell did I have to be born with this genetic predisposition? I was the brightest kid, with the most promising future......and then alcohol reared its ugly head and my life has been one big train wreck ever since. Hanging on, hanging on, hanging on by my fingernails.

Cindy

Cindy,

I had a bad day this last Saturday - but that does not mean that Sunday or Monday needed to be as bad as that. So, I guess what I'm saying, is just think about making this day better, follow the rule Nal + 1hr, and push forward.

Q: I remember you having problems with the dosage at the start - what dosage are you up to?

Be Strong.

Rich

Thanks Rich, and your right, I need to try and make today a better day. I'm up to the full 50mg now and have been for quite a while. Hopefully things will level out soon and I can get back on track. My boys left this morning to spend 2 weeks with their dad. I always get bummed out when they are gone. So dang lonely around here. I have my eyes on the future.....a future where I'm not controlled by alcohol. Happy Tuesday everyone!

Cindy

Cindy,

I can relate. When my son would leave for the summers I was always bummed out. Honestly tho I think I used that as another reason to isolate and drink - when really I used EVERY situation to isolate and drink. Hang in there, they grow up and decide where they wanna be and when.

keep up with the nal and hang in there, 2 weeks goes by fast!

M.

Thanks M, for your words of encouragement. I am going to try and work on myself while they are gone. Try to start exercising a bit, and cut down on the wine. I need to get myself in motion or I'm never going to make any progress. I hope things are going well for you.

Cindy

Cindy, if you have any tips on getting motivated to excercise and drink less... please share. I have actually been forcing myself to excercise 2 days a week hard for 30 min's and then I walk at work for 30 min's 5 days a week but working out at home is a chore. As far as the drinking goes.. well I'm much better than I used to be but am up to 50 mg's and still drinking around 4 shots a night - ugh.

Hopefully your ex lets you keep in contact with the boys via phone - especially since school just started.

Wishing you the best!
M.