Hi Ruthie,

Thrilled with your progress. Keep up the good work,

Thanks everyone for your replies and words of encouragement...they mean a lot to me.

Trisha, thanks for sharing your experience. I can definitely relate to what you are saying. When the Nal is working well, it's a bit of a mixed bag of feelings for me. I want it to work and so I'm happy that my drinking's going down, but there's still a voice that says what are you going to do instead? What if you stop drinking...what then? I can't imagine never being drunk again and yet that's what I'm aiming for. It messes with my mind a bit. I'm still inclined to self sabotage. So, I'm telling myself that this is a process and I'm glad that it's going to take a while. I'm in no rush and I'd be quite happy if it takes a few months as this will give me time to adjust. If the booze disappeared overnight I'd really struggle to get my head around it and I have no doubt I'd feel lost without it. At least this way, I've got time to get used to it and the changes will occur subtly. I have time to put strategies into place and find new things to do with my time. I'll slowly ease into my new life...one day, one Nal and one drink at a time.

I'm feeling this (low?) level anxiety as well...and even though the NAL will take months, I have to start figuring out what I'll do workwise within the next six weeks, when my official medical leave of absence is over. I'm not even sure I'm capable of making rational decisions, so I'm going to schedule more sessions with a counselor to look at the behavioral issues and start "doing the work" as our friend Babs puts it.

Up till now I've been totally focused on drinking/not drinking, staying the Nal course faithfully, which I will continue to do. But I know I'll also feel better if I start putting together a plan for the rest of my life as well. Or at least the rest of my life in terms of the next few months. I let so many things slide these past few years, things I used to enjoy, like fly fishing, hiking, kayaking, biking, Pilates, writing, reading, making jewelry, et al. So I'll re-discover those things and find new pursuits and passions as well. Feeling better because of less alcohol will enable that to happen naturally. Though, truthfully I'm hoping for a Phoenix moment of blazing epiphany about my life's course, but I'll settle for just moving in a positive direction, as you say, one Nal and one drink at a time.

Hang in there, if we keep doing the next right thing, surely the right things will follow.

It's the fog of war we are working our way through...... Drink because there is nothing else better to do - been there trying to stop that. I'm finding it difficult to work my way back into the lives of others who have put me in a box to manage their time with me. When I was an active drinker having that person box me in was the wanted permission to go ahead and drink. Its not like you just jump back into their lives and all is the way "its suppose to be". I just keep reminding myself that it is my fault I'm in that box and that I can get out if I just keep moving in the right direction. Long time drinking brought me there, long time sober (or as close as I can make that be) should put me on the path back.

Did my Nal + 1hr today, stopped by and bought a bottle of wine and then decided I did not want to crack it open - so it's in the trunk of my car (for tonight at least)!!

Rich

Writer and Rich,
Sounds like you're both moving in the right direction. Having a plan helps and adding back in old hobbies and trying new ones is all to the good. My level and style of drinking hasn't really stopped me enjoying hobbies or being active. I am (was) a bottle of wine a day girl.... 1 large glass at lunch and 2 in the evening. For me, it's largely tied in with rituals, habits and association. A take-away chinese without wine? Can't be done. Night out with the girls sober? No way. I have a huge association between food and wine even just on an ordinary week night. It doesn't have to be special occassions. Steak, chicken, pizza,curries, mexican...just about everthing I cook goes with wine. The first fews sips in the evening signal relaxation. All the running around is done. The kids are sorted, now it's my time. I use it to celebrate, I use it to commiserate. It helps me deal with my emotions. Stressed=wine, sad= wine, happy=wine. I know it's a habit. A Pavlovian reaction. A daily occurance that's become ingrained over the years. In time it will change, and I will have to work on it to make it change. Once the Nal takes away the craving, I'm sure I'll be able to do that.

Ruthy you are inspiring me. I am so glad you are posting - thank you.

I am having similar issues, what to do with my drinking time. I usually land on the couch around 5 and drink until I somehow make it to bed monday - friday, weekends drinking on the golf course or boat until I somehow wake up the next morning and start all over again -that's alot of time.

maybe if I plan ahead, take the dog to the bark park instead of just a little walk 45 min's; cook a meal w/o a drink - that one might be tough; go get nails done w/o my to-go cup; movies... don't really like doing that; um..... go to a coffee shop with a non-drinker - ugh....

how do we go back to doing things we love but w/o the drink - my tough question of the day.

Hope you're doing well today - I'm in your corner

Week 6 update.

Had a bit of an off week to be honest. Having been doing so well, the beast fought back a bit this week. I noticed that from the start of the week the cravings had intensified. The twitchy 5 O'clock feeling returned and I was clock watching. A few times I was literally waiting for the hour to be up to have my glass of wine (at least I waited the hour!!). That lovely, "ooh, don't think I want anymore I'll throw it away" had gone. The switch that had been turned off, was back on...bummer.

My mood was also a bit low and I felt very irritable for the first few days. Not sure whether it was connected or whether it's just a hormonal thing but I really felt like I could scream at times.

On the plus side, we were away for the weekend to a family do that I knew in advance was going to be an all day boozeathon. I had been worrying a bit about this in advance. In the past I would be one of the drinking ringleaders and would be amongst the most drunk by the end of the night. Having started TSM I was worried about how I'd cope being surrounded by drunken relatives and whether I'd still be able to enjoy myself if I was less than half cut. It turned out that I can cope in situations like this. In fact, it turned out that I still had a good time but without the awful morning after consequences. I was still drinking (and more than I have in the past six weeks) but it was way less than I would have had without Nal. I had approx 1 and a half bottles of wine throughout the course of about 12 hours. I started off drinking quite a bit, but it slowed down and by about 8pm I didn't really want anymore. I finished the evening with a cup of tea in the hotel bar whilst the others all had a nightcap. I was happy not just that I woke up hangover free and hadn't said or done anything to be ashamed of, but also beacause it let me see that I could have a good time without getting hammered. It also proved that I can cope when other people are drunk without finding it really annoying (although I think it could get tedious in time).

I know that many people have had a similar exeprience with a bit of a spike in drinking here and there. Both writeratlarge and UKBlonde have shared similar stories. I'm not going to let it dampen my spirits or get disheartened. When I look at my units for the week they're still a long way from when I started. Onwards and upwards.

Week 6 total UK units: 43 (nearly 5 bottles of wine)

Ruthie, it sounds like you did really well at the familly boozathon - and good to give yourself credit where credit is due; that it could have been much worse. And those mornings-after with no hangover are also positive reinforcement, not that it ever stopped me before, but I'm learning to pay more attention to all the positive things that drinking less offers.

Mbilbre, I thoroughly agree that planning ahead helps tremendously, especially when it comes to a particular witching hour. Anything to delay that first drink even a little beyond your normal start time is going to be useful. And sometimes you'll get caught up in whatever it is that you'll forget you were going to start drinking, for a while. At least that's what has started happening for me recently. Although, personally, from where I started, just waiting until evening - now it's usually 6 or 7 - is such an improvement over "having" to have a glass of wine in the morning instead of coffee to ease a hangover, or starting to drink at 2pm because of anxiety or fear or sadness or boredom.

Rich, isn't that a great feeling? to leave the wine in the trunk?

We're all making progress. Keep up the good work, in spite of all the obstacles thrown at us. Hope you all have a great weekend.

Ruthy, I love hearing your progression, it even sounds like you're encouraged yourself!

Writer, I'm trying but it's the habit/s that are so hard to break but I actually got on the treadmill last night and didn't start until 5:30 after nal - shocker!

Ruthy, keep posting, you're helping more than you can imagine I bet!

Enjoy the weekend!
M.

Hi Ruth. I'm off now into abstinent land, and happy to be saying goodbye. You have been so kind and supportive, and gentle when sometimes I've been a bit abrasive...thanks for that.

Have courage, Dear Lady. TSM does work, as you can feel already. As I told Writer, when you feel discouraged read and read on the Cured List. Doing that helped me make the decision to stop fooling around and just jump off the train. Wanting to drive the train was a false goal really.

Anyway, goodbye. God bless you, Ruth
Babs