Irritability can be caused by withdrawal. Standard side effect of a) not getting the first buzz on of the day; b) radically reducing alcohol intake; c) being in severe nutritional deficit, which is typical of heavy alcohol users. Drunks are scary parents and bosses because they blow will a gasket over nothing, randomly.

Sugar addicts are hell on wheels when they haven't had their pizza and candy bars yet, also.

I wouldn't worry about it and just learn to shove your fist in your mouth when you start to lose your temper. We don't need to put any more shame and guilt in the rucksack.

Is the anger a new thing since taking Nal or was it there before? If it's just in the last few days my guess would be that it's linked to withdrawal. In answer to the "what the f*ck is wrong with me" question I would answer "probably nothing". We all have our moments of anger and irritability. Sometimes a perfectly innocent well meaning comment or question can catch us off guard. Maybe it seemed loaded, maybe you were tired after all the bad dreams, maybe you were just having an off day. You felt cheesed off and you let it out. Don't beat yourself up.

Of course, your anger may have always been there and it's more as a result of your drinking. Self help or professional counselling may be useful.
Ruth.

Ruthy,

I'm quick to anger but you'd never normally see that because I am a professional at work and am a happy drunk outside of work, so, I hide it.

I don't know why I'm angry and I don't want to blame anyone bc I don't think that's productive, but I should dig deep somehow and just figure it out b/c as I get clean it's going to come up.

Alcohol has really helped me shove that down but I have no reason to be angry so that makes me even more angry with myself, I feel that anger must be anger about me having this problem - and I've known I've had a problem for many years.

I just want a drink!

If you haven't perused through the short course on rationalrecovery.com, I'd recommend that. Whether you call it your subconscious or "the beast," someone/something is not happy with you taking Naltrexone. Again, you're going to have to break up with or kill your friend (or "frenemy"), or it will get you first. It's obvious that Naltrexone is effective for you. Again, Be careful what you wish for. That IS what you wanted, right? To end your addiction?

Also, anger, irritability are classic withdrawal symptoms.

Hang in there and be strong. Six drinks is still six more than you should be drinking right now.

One little success... went happy hour with friends and had no desire to partake. First time I sat at a bar and drank plain ice tea.... and it was fine.... actually felt empowered sort of.

Whoa, that's pretty great for week #1. It's definitely working, I'd say. Woo Hoo!

Thanks Barry! I think I surprised people but nobody said anything which was nice. If someone ordered an ice tea next to me I would be secretly jealous that they were able to do that but that's just me.

Dreams last night were outa control, I now have a cross under my pillow and a bible over my pillow - call me crazy but the beast is trying everything I think. I hate 2 am b/c that's when I start waking up - every hour - but I'm still dreaming so I must be sleeping.

A total of 5 shots in my drinks with seltzer waters - less than the night before - I should start doing the tally thing under my signature like everyone else.

I am worried about the weekend - ugh... I'm also thinking too far ahead - Redskins games, fall festivals etc.... but I like reading about the beast and 'it' wants the drink not 'me' - and maybe watching everyone look so stupid drunk might help.

Today I'm feeling hopeful and nervous.

Thanks again for everyone's support and I'm thinkin about you'all.

Kinda shocked with myself, last nite I manged to get on the treadmill and didn't start drinking until 5:30 - that's SO far from my normal Friday nite ... 1st Friday with Nal so I think i'm still in shock actually. Husband thought I would only take this M-T but this is my program and if it's working I'm gona work it.

Thanks barry and bv for the rational recovery suggestions - those helped treamendously last nite and I don't think I would have stopped at 4.5 shots for the entire evening w/o those suggestions. My glass has more seltzer water in it than vodka - thank you soda stream (I don't work for them, just love the water and not lugging plastic bottles around). I wonder actually if the company realizes they are contributing to alcoholics like myself, I can't be the only one - just a random thought.

We went to buy more provisions yesterday, usually buy 2 large bottles each - and did - but I'm secretly looking forward to seeing how long mine will last - mission for me.

Today is my 45th birthday and I feel strong - it's 9am - I'm kinda wishing it wouldn't have fallen on a weekend but this might just be a true test to my desire to slow down and/or hopefully quit all together.

Trying to plan ahead... finish coffee, workout, walk the dog.... and the day gets more difficult but I will try not think too far ahead of myself. Kids are coming over to celebrate I heard and if they decide to spend the night it means that they will be wanting to really party - kids are in their 20's - doesn't help that we have all the party games here - flip cup table/beer pong/tiki bar - ugh - I've set myself up for failure here.... and now I'm doing what I said I wouldn't do - think ahead. please keep me in your prayers or thoughts if you don't do the prayer thing.

Thanks.
M.

Marianne, good luck with your day and Happy Birthday. Perhaps today you can give yourself a present: your little pill.

I haven't the experience to be an authority, but my reading of Eskapa is that it's truly pointless to practice TSM four days a week, at this point, while setting it aside Friday through Sunday. I didn't understand that remark.

Hi Marianne,

Haven't completely caught up on your thread, but wanted to comment on this: I understand your pain. My son had been with me full time since I relocated from Laguna Beach, CA to Idaho for a new career in 2005, at which time I was also in the process of divorcing his stepdad of three years, husband #2. My son was 10 at the time. I bought a house and completely rooted myself in our small community; I was working full time and my only socializing was with soccer parents, and there were many away weekend matches that required driving for hours or overnight stays in British Columbia, Montana, and Washington state. So my whole world was just keeping up a relatively large house and yard, my son, our two cats, and a demanding new job. I fully envisioned him being with me through high school. But after his freshman year, he decided to go live with his dad in Salt Lake City. I was devastated. And this was during my off-and-on drinking period of eight years, which quickly became much more on than off.

Within weeks he was gone, leaving me with a premature empty nest and a BF so selfish and narcissistic, that his response, when I was bent over crying with pain, was that when he'd been divorced (12-some years before, before, mind you), he'd lost 3 daughters, because he had chosen to move away! So his pain was clearly and quantifiably greater than mine! He actually got mad and huffed out when I pointed out that, for once, could this be about me and my pain? All I wanted was a little understanding, a hug maybe, and instead, it was all about him, as usual. Someone please remind me again why I'm even considering letting this man back in my world?

Anyway, I'm sorry your son moved out; I hope it's not far away, and it sounds like you have an amazingly understanding and supportive husband.

Oh, and Happy Birthday! I hope it's a fun and successful day for you. Be well.

Sheryl