Okay, have to post as this is messing with my mind!

Have had a good day, nothing major going on and without a drink at lunchtime (hoorah!). The hubbie's out and, as per my old life, I'd bought myself a pizza and bottle of wine as a "treat" and settled myself down to overindulge. I'd taken my Nal (of course). My mind was dead set on eating and drinking. But I couldn't. Something is going on in my brain and I just couldnt do it. I REALLY wanted to but I just couldn't. I had one large glass of wine and that was it. There was such a big part of me that really wanted to have more but something else (the Nal I guess) just wouldnt let it happen. It's so hard to explain and it felt so weird. My drinking has decreased since I've started, but this felt different. Up until now I've been happy to have less. But tonight I really, really, really wanted to have more but simply just couldnt. It was almost as if I was arguing with myself inside my head. I was saying "I really want another one, I can have one if I want, you can't stop me" and the other side never said a word. And yet it won. I poured another glass, took the tiniest sip and threw it away...along with half of the pizza.

I dont know if this is what people mean by listening to the Nal voice. I know that often you get an increased urge to drink for a while (almost like your drinking brain is putting up one last fight) and maybe this is the time when some people "drink through the Nal". It's all so hard to explain beacause putting obscure thoughts and feelings into words is difficult. I guess its left me kind of shocked and pleased all at the same time. Feels a bit like an alien has taken over my brain!

I dont know if anyone else can relate to this... or maybe I really have been possessed by something from another galaxy? Thoughts please.

Ruth x

Wow Ruthy, you are doing great!! This is just my fourth day on Nal but your post really gives me hope. Keep up the good work

Cindy

Ruth, it does seem hard to put into words but you are describing what most of us feel. I too leave glasses of wine either untouched or with only one sip taken. I could have more, and sometimes I want more because I have absolutely NO buzz, but I just can't. At my worst, years ago, I would buy a litre and a half of the cheap stuff which was all I could afford, and keep drinking it until I passed out.

But now good old Naltrexone works its magic. Great eh?

Thanks for making the attempt to explain this strange feeling. It's helpful for new people to know what to expect - and to know this stuff really has the oddest effect on our drinking. Imagine sitting there with a full glass in front of us, and NOT drinking it????? How weird is that

Ruth,

I'm starting to feel exactly like you described. I must be moving in the right direction!!

Rich

Thanks all. I had to post about it as it felt so different to my last few weeks on TSM. I've definitely been drinking less and have been really happy with that. Last night was different though. I was feeling a bit self destructive and really wanted to go overboard. I set out with the intention to binge but couldn't do it. As stupid as it sounds now I was a bit miffed...felt a bit like a kid who's sweets have been taken away!

Hope all's going well with everyone.

Nal on x

Week 5 update.

It's been a really good week and I'm feeling pretty chuffed with how things are going.

I decided to cut out my daily lunchtime glass of vino. I felt fairly sure I could do it and I have. Just that one thing has seen a big drop in my intake. I was having a large (250mls) glass of wine every lunchtime...that's a third of a standard bottle. Which, over the course of a week is 2 and a third bottles. Astounding!

I did find that by cutting out the lunchtime drink I was REALLY ready for my first drink in the evening. The craving felt very strong which suprised me a bit. Yet it was ok, as I knew I could have a drink. I'm not white knuckling. I'm following TSM and each drink leads me closer to my goal, closer to control. So I took the Nal, waited the hour, and had a drink. I found that most nights I actually ended up only having 1 drink (a large one, of course!). My craving level before the first was so high that I was expecting to have at least 2 or 3 but invariably the craving eased fairly soon into the first few sips. There were only two nights when I had 2 glasses of wine, which is fairly bloody fabulous!

I've also been more concious of the wine that I've been buying and have only bought 10.5 or 11 % wines. When you look at the labels some are 13 or 14% which over the course of a week adds in extra units that I don't really want.

I'm reminding myself that this is a marathon not a sprint. There's no rush. I do need to drink for extinction to work. If my drinking goes up over the next few weeks then that's ok. If doesn't, then that's ok too. There are still habits around my drinking that I need to break and I do still find myself reaching for wine when I'm upset or stressed. The difference now is that I recognise that I'm doing it, whereas before it just felt so automatic that it didn't even register.

Feeling good!

Total for week 5: 23.3 UK units (approx. 3 bottles for the week)

Ruthy, thanks so very much for these weekly updates! You are my inspiration! I am still waiting for mine in the mail and understanding the progress through you is going to help me - thank you. Marianne

Ruth, it's just great that you are feeling so good about things. Your progress is straight UP - or actually DOWN . The realization of what was once just blind drinking is key don't you think? Now we are all pulling back a little, and taking that lovely little pill. Just that action gives us a chance to see what's been going on.

Good for you that the lunch time tipple is gone. You are an inspiration
Babs

Hi Ruthy,

Thanks fro droping by my place

You are are doing brilliantly and I remember the feeling you described - you articulated it very well. All set up for a great time, everything set to go but the nal brain kicks in and says Naahhh, dont think I want to. I remember the frustration of thinking 'well ok then, but what now!!!!'. Now heres the thing for me, reading your post this evening I think thats almost exactly where I started to go wrong. I thought I had it under controll and could skip my nal a couple of times and get a bit of a buzz going and it worked to a point but what I was really doing was reversing the progress I had made. I wanted to have it both ways get pissed when i wanted to and quit when I wanted to I failed to remember Im an alcoholic and that will never happen long term for me. I will get back there I know I will but it will take time and this time Im going to have something in place to have when I get to that ' well you dont want to drink anymore!!! so what are you going to do now?

Sorry for hijacking your place with so much about me but it resonated with me and I thought it might help others not fall into the trap I did. I guess sometimes we are not prepared for how well nal does work.

Thanks for the post Ruth... I'm looking forward to my 5th Week (in 2.5 weeks) and hope I can report as much success as you!!