Oh, writer....a pedi is a sure sign you are on your way.....it is for me at least. When I allow myself to spend a whole $30 on my own precious feet I'm in a powerful place looking after my needs. But when I get home I stammer and stumble and feel guilty as heck because to DH $30 is like $300!!!!! But you know, last time I had one (DD paid!!) the pedicurist used hot stones up and down my calves for the massage part! YES!!

You do sound like you're getting it together and I'm loving that. So affirming for the rest of us to read.
Babs

I'm starting week three today. This week I'm aiming to not drink on work nights... after tonight I am home free. Not sure its good for tsm but I can't be messing up at work anymore. Just wanted to chime in since I'm around the same week as you . I'm also a mom of two little ones... which is hard to admit but since this is anonymous... it feels great to say it out loud.... I just want to regain control...

Oh, and my reward is a new haircut/style tomorrow . I'm going on a crazy limb and getting BANGS! Yeah, I'm nervous

OhMyGoddess, I've always said, at least recently, it's either Bangs or Botox!

And I've done both, numerous times. Thanks for chiming in, I appreciate your feedback. I find it's really helpful to post here, a virtual journal, whether anyone responds or not; do it for yourself.

If I knew how to upload an image, I would...my toes are quite inspiring, a bright but not too bright orangey-peach, summer perfect with my leopard-print Donald Pliner sandals. Believe me, they're not nearly as sexy as that sounds! . Oh I must be feeling better if I'm dropping designer names.

Babs, you've been so helpful to me...please keep the communiques coming.

PS OhMyGoddess - altough I ws a bit flippant here, I responded more seriously on your other thread - I don't know how to link to that; is there a shortcut, anyone?

Writer, I predict great things for you from this process, for a few reasons. I feel like those who aren't "fixed" by AA at least develop the skills there to understand how your addicted mind tries to trick you into things. For many people here, the trick that gets played is "Oh, I don't need to take the nal every time. Oh I don't really need to wait the hour. These side effects aren't worth it." Ignore that voice and stick to 100% compliance.

I love love love love the fact that you are increasing your exercise and doing so in a fun way! I really believe this is going to help both the drinking and the depression. When I am having trouble letting go of my past and the drunk I used to be it helps a lot to look forward and find new things to enjoy that were harder/impossible to enjoy while sauced. Anyway, I know you know all of this, so I'm just here to applaud you.



Neither do I. For some people it is just that simple. For me and some others, it isn't. If you come up with our new rally cry, I'll be the first to help you yell it!

Generic, thank you for the prediction - I welcome the encouragement. Yes, so far I have been 100% compliant with the protocol.

And a name/acronym challenge, right up my alley! no immediate ideas, but perhaps when my brain is functioning on more cylinders.

Yesterday wasn't such a success. I did not/was too embarrassed to confess to the lovely Dr. W that I was hungover (am I getting the dreaded Nalovers? I "only" had nine units the previous day/night, usually not enough to make me feel wretched.) Nor did I tell him that I had pulled over on the lonely country road to his office 7 minutes before my 10am appointment to start slugging a Mike's Hard Lemonade, a morning hangover friend if there ever was one. I was inexplicably teary through most of our appointment, he being encouraging, me nodding and wiping. Pleased with my drinking units, even if only slightly down, and he's suggesting, well he prescribed, a different anti-depressant to the mix, but is also wary because of the unknown Nal factor. And is all too cognizant, as am I, that the drinking and depression feed each other.

After, I drove to a beautiful lakeside resort for my pedicure, where I could not even have a normal conversation with the technician without tearing up so I finally just said I needed some quiet time. I sipped - actually sipped! - a single glass of white wine during that appointment to keep the hangover at bay. Then I made the mistake of calling to check in on my Short Term Disability claim, which I found out had been denied - just a hiccup technicality as it turns out - which put me in a fu** it /don't want to deal with it mood at the grocery store, so I had a Starbucks traveler mug of chardonnay for the remainder of the 45-minute drive home. Within safe driving limits, anyway, a total of 3 drinks over a 5-hr period. I am being careful about that.

Get home, and there's a notice from the P.O. of an attempt to deliver a letter requiring signature from the IRS. Never good news. So wallowing a bit (who me?), I finished off one bottle and then another, turning it into a 12-unit day. Not proud.

And this morning awoke about 6:30 am already thinking about having a glass of wine. But got up, took my Nal, and dozed while fighting thoughts of financial doom and gloom and what was I going to do with my cats when I'm forced to downsize? Because both Dr. W. and my counselor David think it would help me to be in a new environment, not this everyone-knows-everything tiny town with the Convenient Buddha ex-Boyfriend of five years (Mr. I didn't sign up for this) in the embarrassingly bright yellow Miata; the only thing brighter, his Chiclet teeth veneers. Not that I'm bitter or anything.

Anyhoo, I did have that glass of wine and another. And just an hour ago the ExBF dropped off my slippers and his set of my house keys, plus some long-overdue money he owed me (that I finally had to ask for since he's never mentioned the "loan.") I hid in the back of the house, not wanting to see him (or be seen, new pedi notwithstanding.)

So feeling a little down. He/ the relationship is a loss and a long time together, even if he was never meant to be Husband #3, ha ha. Have pretty much written today off. No Pilates. No bike rides. But planning not to go overboard either, so I'll feel better tomorrow.

Especially since ... ta da, it's my birthday tomorrow. Happy Leo. Happy. Happy. Happy. Oh so happy.

My gift to you:

http://hyperboleandahalf.blogspot.com/2 ... ssion.html

This comes close to what my world feels like.
Only she's a little more upbeat. And so damn funny.

Well, I'm glad that's over. My birthday. I'm going to stop my pathetic whining (but not wining, at least not right away) and wallowing and chart a course out of this darkness and back into grace and light.

i'm changing my week 'end' date to Sunday just for ease of calendaring/tracking. So this week I had 4 days meeting my goal of single-digit consumption (9 units) and if all goes according to plan, today will be a 5 unit day, with 2 not so great 12 unit days in there. I know what my pain points were on the bad days: romantic grief, financial worry, stress about this whole process. And I just could not muster the motivation to exercise, especially feeling more hung over than usual. If I stick to 1 bottle of wine tonight, and there's only one bottle left in the house, so I may not go out and risk it, then I won't have a hangover tomorrow, and I can get back on board the exercise plan.

In short, for the week ending today:

M:9
T:9
W:9
TH:12
F:12
Sat:9
Sun: tbd

If today is 5, this week's total will be 65. 1 unit less than the previous week. Not exactly lightning-fast progress. But it could be worse. It has been worse. Change is coming.

Drinking alcohol + nal definitely is a recipe for depression, nowhere near the same as pure alcoholism and the reduction in units was enough to override that for me in the initial stages.

Hey, Writer, you had a heck of a week, especially with Chicklet (sic!) coming over and dumping your keys etc....so cut yourself some slack. And a birthday on top of that!!! I think you did pretty well, after all you were down a unit

Give yourself some time. You are are top of things, going to Doc, doing other things that you need to do, albeit not as regularly as you might, and taking the nal. So try to relax into it all.

Hope the dreaded missive from the IRS turned out to be a birthday card
Babs