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It sounds like you're making incredible progress!

Congrats on your AF day(s). Do you think it's the Nal kicking in immediately, your self-revelations - a combination?

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I'm so inspired by your progress - good for you!

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Really enjoying reading the change in you here. You really have to do this for yourself, and it might split you and your husband up, or it might bring you together. A lot of drinking partners don't like it when their other half gets sober, that can either be because it highlights and makes them feel bad about their drinking, or because it means you are free to make your own decisions. In essence you change. I've even heard of husbands and wives phoning rehabs to ask "What have you done to the person I'm married to?".

Wishing you the best -- you deserve it!

Thanks for sharing that interesting post about your marriage. I can relate in some ways, because there are so many things about my marriage and life that are not how I want things to be. Yours sounds to be a bit on the extreme side, though. My obvious thought was, "Has she told him all this?" Like you, I don't believe in divorce except in rare circumstances, but most women in your position would give him an ultimatum -- "Work with me on this or I'm leaving!" (or, "Work with me or no more sex," -- which is probably more common). Unless he's truly a stubborn a-hole, it seems that he wouldn't have a hard time changing SOME of those behaviors for the sake of his love for you. If he refused to change despite your pleas, I'd say you're basically in an abusive marriage (wherein the abuse is an ever-present passive aggression to do the opposite of what you want).

I think it would be wise to test him on some of this. If he really loves and respects you, he can and must change some of this. If he refuses, he's simply trying to control you. Perhaps you're perceiving this sense of being-controlled as in YOUR head from being a daughter of an alcoholic. Perhaps, instead, you really ARE being controlled by a very manipulative man (who uses the occasional gift of flowers, etc... to lead you on). Perhaps it's like battered women who just happen to, over and over, choose to be with abusive men.

Anyway, just a little armchair psychology there. In the book "Alcohol Lied to Me," the author relates how drinkers often react strongly and negatively to those around them who choose not to drink, as it brings a spotlight on to their OWN drinking problem. Surely you have a strong, basic right to abstain from alcohol that your spouse needs to respect. Take care.