Hullo,

My last visit to this board was November 2012, and shortly thereafter I stopped taking Naltrexone. Why oh why did I do such a foolish thing as the latter? Believe me, I've asked myself that too many times over the past number of months. Worse than that, I chucked the pills! So right now I am waiting for my new shipment to arrive. Sigh.

Reasons I stopped:
1) Was plateauing and backsliding (should've just 'sucked it up' and kept in mind how common these two things are on TSM and that they're temporary!).
2) Was getting some creepy side effects, which I've since learnt weren't from Nal.

This go round I'm including moderation in my plan, have a new-ish career on which to focus, and am attending SMART meetings.

Can't wait to get my new package of Naltrexone!

All the best to everyone,

Xanthippe

Welcome back X! I wish you the best of luck this time around. I am also interested to hear how the SMART recovery meetings go... I don't know too much about it, but it's also an abstinence based system is it not? Are you going to tell your group that you are taking nal and drinking?

I hope you will keep us updated, because if it works I want to try it out too!!

Meet your sister X, Ive just returned as well. I cant believe I could be so stupid either. If I were to hazzard a guess as to why I waited so long to come back and play ledgit I would say that because nal worked so well for me the last time -, in the back of my head I always knew my answer was waiting for me in the meds cabinet and It wasnt untill I started to see the really serious addictive habits that I hadnt seen in years creep back, morning cravings, Gulping from a bottle when no one was looking. It was only then I got really scared again and decided to take the beast under controll again and so far its working beautifully

Good to see you back. I don't get why people stop taking the pills, it's only one, and you drink with it. Perhaps I'm just too scared of going backwards, too much to lose, or it's my OCD taking care of me.

Thank God for your posts it certain reinforces the fact that we can't stop taking Nal everytime we drink alcohol.

Hope you get 'it' back (it being the cure point).

Thanks a million for the warm welcomes back, everyone!

I love this forum; haven't noticed any 'preachiness', bossiness, or platitudes, and the vast majority of discussion is civil. TSM is a great method, and I know it works a charm form me, as does moderation (though the latter has proved much more difficult and annoying--still! I stick to my allotted amount as long as the fella locks up 'his' bottle).



Hullo, generic! SMART is abstinence-focussed, but their manual (much saner IMHO, not to mention slimmer, than that AA 'big book') states that you can still be a 'user' and attend. You don't even have to say anything at the meetings. I did make the mistake, however, of mentioning that I was still a drinker, had some success with TSM, didn't ever plan on being completely abstinent et cetera, and, although they were considerate, I did feel a bit 'bossed'. It's been a couple of months since I attended, but every meeting has been a positive experience. So, strange, or maybe not... just being with and listening to people who know something of what you're going through is very therapeutic. BTW I stopped going only because a lady I didn't know came up and hugged me and said, 'You can do it!' She meant well, very kind, and wasn't 'rapey', but I do tend to freak out a bit being touched by strangers! I will be back there tomorrow, however.

Totally encourage you to give SMART a go; just keep clammed up until you get a feel for your particular group.




Welcome back to you too! I definitely gulp from the bottle and sneak drinks... LOL. I realise it's unhelpful, but you know how it is. Once you get into it there's that tendency to, well, ahem conveniently forget oneself. I even used to dowse for the bottle when Gus (my beau) would hide it, before I requested he begin locking it up. My sixth booze sense is too accurate, I guess, and on the rare occasion I didn't find it, he was too nice; he'd tell me where it was (grateful for that niceness, though).

Best of luck to you! I know you'll do well.



Great to see you're still here; I remember enjoying your posts, especially the ones about travelling.

It was bonkers of me to stop, I know. Compliance when I was taking Nal never proved an issue.

Really looking forwards to the arrival of those tablets. River had to change their posting city in India, so it's taking a bit of extra time.

Again, thank you, ladies and gents. It means a great deal to be welcomed back so kindly.

All the best,

Xanthippe (simply 'X' is totally fine, too)

X, how's it going? Did the pills arrive yet? It's good to have others around who are at the same stage as I am with regards to progress in TSM. I am about a week in now and am already feeling the "honeymoon" setting in. Hoping to ride it as long as I can, and hoping your meds show up soon so you can get started ASAP.

As a side note, I'm going to try to be a bit more proactive about following in and posting in others' threads this time around. This forum is about the least active of all forums that I have ever participated in, and I feel like we do ourselves a disservice by not trying to be more active, or only posting in our own threads (as I tend to do). I log in and am usually disappointed to see that nobody has replied to something I posted. But, then I ask myself, how many other people's threads did I reply in since then? If the answer is zero, I have no right to feel that way. I realize this is just a "weekly check-in" forum, but sometimes you just have something you need to talk about or vent right here right now, and it's nice to get feedback soon rather than days or weeks later.

Hi X - I'm back for another kick at the can too! I could feel the magic last night with good ole nal on board for Day 2, and I'm feeling hopeful.

Good for you too - boy you sound so pumped in your posts - I intend to read, read, read! I sure need some support and I know I'll get it from everyone here just by reading the ups and downs. Babs

Hullo, Ives!

Thank you for the reply! Ahhh... I've got 'em at last. What a relief to start up again. I think I'll move my weekly check-ins to a new thread, 'Xanthippe's Progress' or something.

The honeymoon is a good thing, right? Some of the back and forth and just simply back can be disconcerting, but I hope you're focussing on the 'forths'--any reduction in consumption or desire to consume at any time, even if it was months ago. My mistake was letting my spirits drop too low and abandoning all positive potential, giving in to that black mood when the plateau occurred... insidious things if one doesn't keep a keen eye on them, those self-doubts, despair, etc. Keep on riding!

I totally know what you mean about forums. It can be demoralising and lonely when you post something and nobody replies. That's what has made me abandon forums after a while; I'm a very solitary individual (another addiction I'm working through, agoraphobia) so forums have tended to instil a greater sense of isolation than the one I already deal with too much as it is.

TSM's site could use a chat room (I used to avoid chats). The SMART site has a lot of them, but, as an abstinence-based programme, the members/chatters would probably not 'jive' with our conversations. Would that be something that would interest you? I'd like to send a request to the webmasters.



Hiya, Babs!

Congratulations--I am so very glad you're back. Thank you for the compliment! I am very enthusiastic about getting a lot of things straightened out, really look forward to positive progress, and doing my best to pass on kind words and encouragement to others. The exchange on this board/forum can be really helpful, whatever people are going through with TSM and in their lives in general. It'll be great to interact with you soon.

All the best, everyone,

Xanthippe

Week 1:
09 July AF
10 July 3.5 (!!!)
11 July 8.5
12 July 8.5
13 July AF
14 July 8.5
15 July AF
16 July 8.5
----
Week 2:
17 July not tracked (port)
18 July not tracked (port--too much, I would guess 10 units)
19 8.5 (or less; we shall see. I've decanted my portion of whiskey, and always stick to that--as mentioned in another post, I have the fella lock up his bottle!)

Regarding the past ten days, or, nine and a half, really, seeing as I won't be going to bed for another seven hours:

9 July, I didn't take Nal because I didn't drink. 10 July, I took half a pill (so, 25 mg) and drank some scotch I'd never had before. It seemed unduly potent, was very smooth, but I just didn't want any more than a few drinks-worth... bizarre yet pleasing. 11th and 12th, my usual decanted amount, on the 12th it was the remainder of the aforementioned scotch, then, some of our standard whiskey, which we call 'Don Draper', so if you're a Mad Men fan, you'll know what brand I customarily drink. BTW, on the 12th I titrated up to 37.5mg. 13th, probably did a lot of reading and housework. 14th, a normal day of work (I'm actively learning video game development, which combines my love of drawing, writing, gaming, and a bit of prior experience in programming), household stuff, play. 15th, zero booze; I sort of wanted to drink, but we didn't have anything, so I 'rode the waves' of craving and felt great at the end of the day, not at all deprived.

The 16th to the 17th (upped it to 50mg) were interesting, because I did not sleep. Was wide awake--not forcing myself, just had no desire to sleep--a full forty-eight hours, on and off drinking, doing more cleaning and other household things in those two days than I'd done in two months! It was odd, I had grown weary of whiskey--actually, come to think of it, we'd got some more of that weird brand of scotch so I ought to say 'whisky'. Anyway, we finished it off and I decided we ought to have some port. It had been ages and we both really like the high (if it's the premium stuff, the taste, too).

More significant than the period of happy sleeplessness is the fact that, whilst Gus was out at a client's, I--totally sober at this point--the afternoon of the 17th, showered, dressed, put on a bit of make-up and walked to the market to buy us a new bottle of port! That may sound totally normal to you, but I am completely reclusive, only ever go out if accompanied by Gus (my beau/fella/SO), and even then maybe once a month. It has been three years since I've ventured out on my own. Mentally and emotionally I'm in a much better place now, as evidenced by my actions. Looking forwards to being more self-sufficient. Again, silly as it appears, it was a huge step for me.

Yesterday was sort of an eff-off day (apart from my making a new casserole and some sun tea). We drank the rest of the port, watched some videos about hallucinogens on YouTube and had a good night's sleep.

Today's been a bucketload more housework, researching some new games, and I've just dipped into my second drink, about to have shower.

It's my belief that incorporating moderation, as well as being pro-active in a number of areas of my life will improve my results with TSM this time. My desire to drink is no longer frantic, I'm healthier, and being kind to myself. I consume each drink much more slowly, too (other things to focus on--and a set amount of booze!).

Bla, bla, bla. I'm thorough, anyway.

All the best, everyone!

Xanthippe

Week two, start of week three:

17 July not tracked (port)
18 July not tracked (port)
19 July 8.5 (I wanted to stop at 7.5, just drank the rest out of habit)
20 July 7.5 (wine)
21 July 7.5 (wine)
22 July 6.5 (wine)
23 July 9 (whiskey and one glass of wine)
----
24July 7.5

Very brief summary:
It's all well and good that my consumption per day has diminished, but for me to see my numbers really go down I'm starting the process now of planning AF days. The night of nine shots was an example of me looking the other way and being lazy: I didn't decant (first mistake) and then lay about watching a four-hour crap tele marathon, which always seems to lead to me to over-drinking (so, obviously, second mistake), and is something I promised myself a while back I would not do anymore. Promise renewed.

Today is AF.

All the best, everyone,

Xanthippe