Thank you Generic so much for your response. It is a stress related problem with me, as soon as I feel the stress coming in, I can't sleep... but I've had much trouble sleeping since I had a maniac depressive boyfriend for 5 years, we broke up 4 years ago... 
Now I'm building my life for myself again, which involves buying a house (tomorrow morning I have the signing, which on the one hand makes me very happy  
 
   
  
 ), but on the other hand terrifies me because I will be stuck (I like my freedom, travelling, deciding things my own). 
However, I love my job, have survived two reorganizations (that's how life in banking is nowadays), and am reconsidering my career a little bit. Do I want to live this life forever? Do I want to keep potential partners away? That's what I do, I want to protect myself so I say kindof 'Goodbye' as soon as someone is coming too close to me. 
Hope my Nal gets in soon, before my holiday, 12th of June, to Morocco, for a week surfing... And if not if I come back.
Only I have all summer season weddings now and all in coming weeks...