Looks like you are making good progress and well done persevering and getting in 5AF days. You should feel very pleased with yourself, keep up the good work.

So, I got 50mgs in yesterday by taking 25 in the a.m. And another 25 at night. After the morning dose I felt pretty good other than a strange taste in my mouth 4 hours in. I took the evening dose around 6 and didn't drink until 9. I drank 4 V grapefruits and wanted more but that's all I bought, so I went to bed after taking an Ibuprofen. Headache at 5 a.m. And still lingering a bit, but just the normal hangover. I was testing the 50 mgs before this weekend and will try to not drink on Friday, then do the 1/2 & 1/2 dose on Saturday. I should probably do 25 around 4 on Friday just incase I cave. I'm glad I've gotten up to 50mgs in one day, yet am still a little afraid of taking a full dose at once...

I am feeling a little sad today because I let myself become an alcoholic even after all the genetic predisposition warnings. At the same time, I am grateful that it is something I can hopefully overcome. Also feeling proud that I have not drank without the Nal in a month.... Hallelujah.... But let's not take our guard down.... I still have that funky taste in my mouth which I hope is a good sign and a new SE popped up.... Some ringing in the ears when I first got up... It actually made me laugh... Better than nausea .... Future looks good .. Kekede

Well done on your progress Keke and its good reading how you're getting on

5 AF days a good inspiration for me ... I've only ever managed 3 in one week ... had a really bad week last week .. units shot up all of a sudden (mixture between having big drinky friend staying, couple of nights out and one or two other factors)

I'd like to try for 3 or 4 AF next week ... Keep hoping I'll get this up regulation endorphin thingy .. hasn't happened yet and I still feel bit more tired than usual ..

Great to hear how you are doing and you will inspire me to go for more AF!!

Lorraine

To: Chris, Barry, Generic, UK, Dave, lorraine, et, all....Thank you for the encouragement, input, and advice. It is very, very much appreciated and helps me not to feel so lonely in this battle. Thank you TSM bloggers ! Keek, Keke, Kekede (depends on how I feel). BTW, my brother gave me the nickname keke at A very young age and he now calls me keek. Kekede came from not being able to log onto this site as keke. Although, I do feel as though I have multiple personalities and I'm sure most of you can relate.. Nal on!!!

Where have you been? Keek, Keke, Kekede

Sorry folks, Kinda fell off the Nal wagon. The weekend of May 10th I was at a music festival and "forgot" the Nal. It didn't help that the hotel had a bottle of wine in the fridge when we arrived and I had to drink it when we got back at night. Other than that night, I did manage to moderate a bit. Even when I was encouraged to drink. Last weekend I was staying with the sister-in-law and after having taken Nal most of the week prior, I was able to turn down a glass of wine and a beer. These drinks were put in front of me without me asking or given the chance to say no. They didn't taste so good, so I put them in the fridge. The following day I did OK, but then on Saturday drinks were put in front of me and I caved. I had the chance to take some Nal earlier, but somehow talked myself out of it thinking I would be "strong". The moral of the story is that I need to keep some Nal in my system in order to arm myself when I get tempted. I spoke with my Doc and he is supportive of me taking 12.5 mgs daily (he even tried to see if he could prescribe it this way, but it is only available in 50mgs). He also wants me to set some boundaries for myself. In other words, people are disrespectful when they assume that I am drinking when I am not. BTW, I do have a history of not turning down drinks, but family members who know I am working on moderating encouraged me to drink. Anyhow, he asked that I try to do a week on, week off program. His reasoning being that I also need to extinguish negative behaviors when it comes to alcohol. All in all, I still feel that I am making progress and don't want to get discouraged because of my non-compliance or experimenting. Moving forward, I will take the 12.5 mgs around 4 p.m. everyday and 25 mgs, if I suspect it is going to be a drinking day. I am also going to try the week on, week off. I know I will have some cravings, but my doc said that I need to focus on the positive rewards associated with not drinking: being present, feeling healthy, no hangover, respecting my body, validating or showing others that I respect myself so that they in turn respect me. Wow, I just said that out loud! The doc says that when I mentally reward myself with positive thoughts that endorphins are also released and that I need to encourage this release.

I am grateful to have a doc that works with me. Now I have to put some work into what works for me. I think that having the Nal in my system helps with the not wanting the first drink and it also helps with not wanting more if I actually think about it as opposed to drinking through it. Enough rambling. "Not letting the guard down" Now to try a week AF starting on Memorial Weekend...I can do it! I can do it! Keek

KEEK!

I'm really glad to hear you have a supportive Dr! That's better than many of us on here can say.

I am worried about all the experimenting that you're doing. I fell awful for you that the SEs are so bad... I had SEs the first week that I was on it (needed it every day back then) but they mostly faded. It does still make me feel sleepy and spacey, but nothing too terrible. The reason I worry about the experimenting is that many of us who stick to the program of 50mg religiously 1hr before drinking take >1yr to reach a point where things are in control. Speaking as a scientist (and NOT as a physician), if you keep varying your treatment plan, you may never realize which method is going to work for you long term. If nal works like we think it does, taking 25mg 1hr before drinking will provide you with more benefit than 12.5 in the morning and 12.5 before drinking. Maybe 25mg is sufficient for you, maybe not, but my non-medical opinion is that getting closer to the program that has worked for many of us and sticking to it 100% rigorously all the time is your best chance of success.

I never took any real nal-holidays after starting TSM. I missed 1 day in the summer last year, and drank way too much... like old times... but that was it. I don't know how it affected my progress. What I do know is that I had a friend on here named Hesster. Check out his weekly thread. He started in really bad shape and made some amazing improvement. He then started slipping and drinking a few beers here and there without the nal, when he knew he probably wouldn't overdo it. He started to get worse, and then disappeared from the forums.

I certainly don't want to be discouraging Keek, I know you can do this! I just worry about the varied approach that you are taking because I know it wouldn't work for me. If you find it isn't working for you, maybe switch strategies.

Kick some ass Kee-Kee-Kekede!

Hey generic, you are absolutely right. I need to quit "tailoring" this method to fit my alcoholic needs. The true TSM is followed for a reason. The deprivation effect is certainly a factor because the more I try to have AF days, the more I drink. I'm going back to the point where I think it was starting to work best: titrating up. I did get to the point where the alcohol didn't taste right. Now to take heed of this. My plan of 12.5 in the day and then 12.5 later backfired. Last night I ended up drinking on only 12.5 and after two drinks (along with some cold medicine) was impaired, hurt all over and almost decided to give the whole thing up. Fortunately, I feel pretty decent this morning and will take 25 mgs tonight to fast track back. I seem to be able to go 3 days AF with little effort if I take the Nal.

For some unknown reason, I think my hubby is having a hard time with me doing TSM. He says he is supportive, yet I believe he is wanting to control my drinking and doesn't realize that he is sabotaging my efforts. I guess it's time for a good discussion. It is also time to buckle down and work TSM in its entirety. I feel so much better about myself when I'm putting some serious effort into TSM even when I have the SE's. Thanks for hanging in there with me. Keek.

YES! This is what I love to hear. Dedicate yourself to doing this for yourself and your family.

Now, this may come as a surprise, but I don't know that AF days or stretches are crucially important for you right now. When I was in the beginning, I found myself drinking more frequently, though less per session. If I were you, I would make my number one priority getting myself closer to compliance with TSM, NOT increasing my AF days.

I'm an enormous supporter of getting AF days in and increasing those stretches, once the time is right, but I believe that there is a period for most of us when we need to experience alcohol in it's diminished capacity. We need to see that it's power over us is decreased. Sinclair called it extinction, I kinda think you just have to really see and feel that alcohol treats you different now.

There were many times during my heavy drinking days that I would go AF. The entire night, I knew exactly how full that whiskey bottle was on my shelf. I knew exactly how many bottles of wine I had unopened. I knew exactly where the two beers at the back of my fridge were. The bottles got bigger and bigger and bigger in my mind. That for me, was white knuckling, and I don't think that kind of thing helps us along this journey.

Have you ever gone fishing Keeks? I feel like this process is very similar. I have a penchant for analogies, so my apologies. The nal is the fishing line and our transformation is the fish. Without the line, I never would have gotten the fish, no matter how bad I wanted it. Without my continual but gradual reeling, the line certainly wasn't going to pull the fish into my boat. But most importantly for this admittedly forced analogy, is that if you pull too hard on the line it will snap and your fish is gone. Forcing yourself to go AF early on is probably counter productive. Encourage yourself to go AF, but it should be a positive experience! You should be able to enjoy your clarity and ability to do things you couldn't while sauced. If all you can think about every five seconds is that bottle on your shelf, then you will be miserable, and if you are miserable, what is the point of paying for nal in the first place?

As for the hubby, that's a tougher one. My wife got on board pretty quick once she saw me changing my behaviors, even they were only in reduction. If he isn't coming around, maybe ask him to read through some of the cured posts, and the section for spouses.

You can do it Keek!

Nice analogy Gen, even though I have limited experience with fishing. I totally understand the need to ease into TSM as opposed to trying to fast track it. I have always had a difficult time with delayed gratification, but I do advise newbie exercisers to ease into it, so they don't hurt something. Easier said than done, but I certainly can be a good listener if I put my mind to it. Anyhow, I now realize that my main problem is taking that damn pill one hour before drinking. Today I plan on arming myself with the Nal by putting a couple of pills in my car, purse, and perhaps the hubbies wallet (though I have to figure out how to get it to stay in a money clip). I suppose I can put a pill in his car. The Nal has to be the priority right now; not the high, not the avoiding SE's, and not the unrealistic hope that I can be a super, super duper responder if I have more AFs. I feel better today and took 25 mgs before bed last night just to acclimate my sensitive self to the stuff. I'm getting on the row boat. Feeling hopeful, but realistic about how hard this is going to be. Keek.