Hi There,

I started TSM on 4/25/13. I have been in AA a little over 3 years. I have done the 12 steps twice, attended meetings, and worked with others, all to no avail. The compulsion to drink has never left me and I have unfortunately given in to it all too frequently. As a result, I have grown disillusioned with AA and am seeking another solution.

My typical pattern has been to drink in the afternoon/early evening. I have never been a morning drinker (that's not to say I haven't drank in the morning) or a late night drinker (ditto). I drink in private and for all intents and purposes my drinking is for effect, nothing else. It's not social in any sense. My typical consumption is 1 pint of alcohol in a fairly short period of time (30 to 60 minutes). My significant others (I've been married for 2+ decades years and have 2 beautiful daughters, 19 and soon to be 16) think that I am sober.

My alcoholism kicked in a little over ten years ago. Drinking has been a challenge for me for a long time, but I've been able to manage it, so to speak. My first inclination that I might be an alcoholic was around 1994. I've spent the last 19+ years trying to prove it. Over the last 10 years I've had periods of sobriety and periods of pathetic consumption. I have no problem admitting that I an alcoholic. My wife attends Al-Anon meetings and this has been good for us. I just want some help. I want the compulsion to drink to leave me alone!

With that said, I have now had 10+ days on TSM. I have been very diligent with my record keeping. My first impression is that the effect of alcohol is a bit different. In fact it feels like I can drink more. And I have consumed more since going on TSM. My obsession has not abated. And I've been practicing yoga for the last 8 months and I surf regularly, but that desire has been tempered due to side effects and hangovers since going on TSM. My hope is that this is fleeting and it will pass. I would also offer that personality is one that is going to try and maximize the effect of a new treatment. Perhaps I am too fixated on Naltrexone + Drinking = Cure......

I would appreciate any feedback!

Sounds a lot like my story (I also have a 16 and a 19 y.o. daughter, drank quickly in secret, drank just for effect, and got addicted about the same time as you). I take it your wife doesn't think you're sober as she attends Al-Anon.

That is odd that you're actually drinking MORE with Naltrexone. I wonder how that could be. Maybe you really want the super buzz so you need to drink more to get it? For me, Naltrexone heightens the negative and decreases the positive, so I'm compelled to quit almost when I take my first sip. Either way, just remember that "the magic" happens subconsciously, so just because you're drinking more now doesn't mean it's not working (maybe it's a sign that it IS working, since it's changed your behavior). I hope it works for you, and quickly. You're definitely drinking at a level that could cause major, irreversible bodily damage at any point in the near to mid-future (that much liquor that fast just overwhelms your liver and brain -- like a huge wave crashing down on a surfer!).

Barry,

Thanks for the response. I have read your thread and it gives me great hope! I am drinking more, but not significantly more. I find that the medication seems to dull the effect of the alcohol and as a result I end up drinking a bit more. I just went to the store and picked up a pint of cognac, because I'm really sophisticated. I've had a few sips so far. I know that if I drink this bottle I will have a railroad spike in my head tomorrow morning. That is the unbelievably cunning and baffling aspect of this disease. I'm right in the middle of it and aware, yet I can't seem to stop.....

My wife attends Al-Anon for herself, and it has been good for us as a couple. I'm reasonably certain that she thinks I am sober. I can't imagine that things would be as smooth as they are if she suspected that I am drinking. Although smooth is a relative term. I lost my business last year and we are three weeks away from moving out of the home that we have owned for the last 14 years. And we are not moving by choice. I have been out of work for almost a year and that has not helped matters. My drinking was a factor in all of this, but it wasn't solely to blame. I really hope that this works!

I can't see how a drinker (which I assume your wife was / is) couldn't tell that their spouse was drinking a pint of liquor a day (maybe you're just really, really good at hiding it). Someone once told me about my wife (who also never said a single thing in all those years), "Maybe she just didn't want to know the answer to the question." -- wow, that was a lot of parentheses.

Anyway, I guess you're having what's called a "paradoxical effect" of the drug -- meaning, it seems to do the opposite of what it's supposed to do. Either way, it's an effect and hopefully signals a sensitivity to the drug which eventually will curtail, and hopefully remove, your irrational desire to drink. It sounds to me like you're shooting for 100% abstinence. That was never my goal, but I'll probably end up there at some point along the way. But, it is nice to know I can have a drink or two if I want -- makes things easier, IMO.

Welcome JMS.

My wife is also in that same boat. She always would refer to other people, who drank less than me, as alcoholics, but very rarely would it come up about me. Only when my alcoholism had a direct impact to something she was wanting would she refer to me as one. A bit of denial I assume.

I drank quite a bit my first couple of weeks, possibly MORE than normal, other than a 2-3 day honeymoon. Then it somehow magically started gradually going down for me, with a bit of conscious effort.

(When I say magically, I should say scientifically, because I am definitely drinking the TSM kool-aid right now, based on my actual stats. When I say conscious effort, I am saying forced AF days. Some might say white knuckling, but this type of TSM white knuckling is far easier than when I tried going AF indefinitely a year ago, which obviously failed.)

Good Afternoon,

Time to check in on my progress. I have just completed my third week on TSM. My consumption definitely increased the second week, but has dropped back down for the third week. I have had one day AF in each of the three weeks that I have been on TSM. I have also been very diligent about following the golden rule.

At this stage I haven't really seen an effect on my cravings and level of consumption, but I realize that it is very early yet. It took me a very long time to get where I am so I can't expect this issue to go away in 21 days. The hangovers seem to be getting worse and I think that is contributing to my AF days. Today is a perfect example. I have had a railroad spike in my head all day from my escapades yesterday. By this time in the day if the headache has not gone away I would be drinking to make it go away and the cycle would just repeat itself. Well, I'm not going to do that today. My typical danger zone is starting right about now (4:00 pm) and stretches in to the early evening (7:30 pm or so).

I do look forward to the day where I don't have to battle this each and every day. I invariably lose the battle on most days and then I end up feeling like piece of sh** both emotionally and physically as a result. In my case, willpower alone cannot over this disease. I have read in some of the posts the idea of changing things up a bit. Whether it is what I am drinking or the manner in which I drink or where I drink. Subtle changes like that might help break old patterns and begin new, more healthy patterns. I'm going to try that this next week and see what comes of it. I'll catch up with you folks next week. Have a great weekend!

JMS, to me you seem like the ideal candidate for nal. Tried AA many times and it didn't work for you. Why? Well, I honestly don't know but I would guess that there is too strong a pull in your mind to get that dopamine dump in your brain that comes with that first drink. Now you gotta re-train your brain to see that the dopamine dump is gone. For heavy drinkers like you and me (well, I guess I am not such a heavy drinker anymore), this process can take a while. Always always always follow the golden rule like you have been, and you should see slow but steady-ish progress. In these initial weeks, you might not notice a huge reduction in numbers... the important thing it seems is that nal changes the way you experience alcohol. Many people say it seems like less of an overwhelming compulsion and more of just a habit.

Switching up your drinks for lower octane equivalents worked for me, and works for a lot of people, to get the numbers down a little quicker.

Best of luck buddy, and keep us updated. We learn from each other

Generic hit it on the head.

Check out my numbers. Still pretty high after the first few weeks. Still pretty high to some, but getting lower and lower compared to day one for me.

Definitely try and get the pint of hard booze out of your rotation. I had been drinking a pint of vodka for starters everyday after work for several years. I still did for the first few weeks of TSM. Then I started switching to the lower octane stuff. I have not bought a pint in 2 months.

Good Evening,

I've been away for a bit, so I thought I would get caught up. We've been moving our home of 14 years over the last few weeks and I just started a new job, so things have been a bit busy. Needless to say, the stress level has been at a really high level. As a result, my consumption has been fairly consistent and hasn't changed much. Unfortunately it has not gone down at all with the exception of this week.

I am just finishing my 6th week on Nal. My reaction to alcohol has definitely changed, and not for the better (maybe "better" isn't the right word). I've never been an angry or mean drunk, but now I find myself being very disagreeable and moody after drinking. I also find that the hangovers appear to be more severe. I think that this is a good thing. It's certainly making me gun shy every night. We all know that waking up with a railroad spike in our head is no fun. It makes for a long day.

My consumption this week has been reduced, but it has been a battle the whole way. I want to drink every day and think about it throughout the day. No change there. This week the consumption has been a bit lower, although it's hard to imagine 56 drinks being a reduction. But it is a reduction from the 80 or so that I have been averaging. I'm still drinking the same type of alcohol, although I have had a few days where my consumption was half of what I would normally consume in an evening.

Thankfully, tonight was one of those evenings. I drank a half pint of vodka early in the evening, went and did a few things, and then tried to drink the other half while I was waiting to pick up some food from a restaurant for dinner. I really had no interest in finishing it. Perhaps that is also a good sign of things to come. My difficulty has always been trying to get through the hours from around 4:30 PM to 7:30 PM or 8:00 PM. That is when I would do my best work, so to speak. There is a whole lot of thinking about drinking that leads up to that time and I usually lose the battle by the late afternoon as the pressure has built up to an unbearable level. I think that this part of the behavior patterns that I have to switch up.

Any thoughts or feedback would be greatly appreciated. I know that I am still very early in the process and I am still very positive as to the ultimate outcome of TSM.

Thanks,

There are a lot of good coping strategies for managing urges at smartrecovery.org. Look for their toolbox of techniques. The community is primarily people who abstain but there's a lot of good experience and support there. There are also ongoing chatrooms that might be a place to go when you're battling with the intense thoughts about drinking and need support.

For some people Nal dulls the urge to drink. For others it dulls the effects of the drink. And the "nal-overs" inspire many people to cut back.

Best of luck!