Hi Chrissie,

I don't really know what to say, it could 'just' be a spike, but as I have no experience with this, I'll leave the other to comment. Reading through your post, I was thinking of suggesting 75mg, at least for the days you know are going to be big, and I see you have come to the same conclusion... great minds and all that But seriously, I think it would be worth a shot.

I don't want to sound like a broken record, but Chrissie, are you watching what you eat? To hell with dinner parties and nice restaurants, go ahead and eat anyway. Spoil your appetite and eat before you start drinking, you know it will spoil your appetite for booze too.

Hank in there and let us know how you get on on 75mg.

Curi

Wanted to add to Curi's note. To all TSM'ers especially the ones trying to diet or cut food out in certain ways, Always keep your body fueled and fed well when drinking. Starving yourself is going to hinder you on both fronts and backfire. Hope this helps and yes yes keep us posted on the 75MG.

Keep on treking on

Hello -ello-ello-ello- Chrissie-isse-isse-isse-isse

Hmmm... there's an echo in here

Howzitgoin?

CuriousOne, first of all l want to say that you are a wonderful, kind person to keep coming back to check up on all of us out here, still treading water...You don't know HOW very cheered I am to come to the forum and see a string of posts from you, keeping tabs on us! It is really helpful to hear your calm, reassuring comments and advice, esp. valued because you have been so successful w/ TSM, and so generous in sharing your story.

As for me, as I posted in GottheGene's thread, I'm on day 3 of an AF Week, which will probably be accomplished only by relying on antabuse: though a single AF day is easy, subsequent days are NOT, so I wanted to see if I forced a whole week AF if that might help shake up my TSM program somewhat...in terms of "habit breaking" and also facing whatever uncomfortable feelings I have @ night that have caused me to rely on alcohol over the years. I've ALWAYS had a problem @ night in feeling...dissatisfied, incomplete, restless, at loose ends. It is so strange how different I am @ night: each morning I wake up happy and poised for success and I'm busy all day long and productive...then when the shadows grow long I morph into this restless Night Time Creature that doesn't know what to do w/ herself. I'm hoping an AF week will MAKE me confront those feelings, once again, and maybe get some insight, tho it has resisted years of navel-gazing so far...

Another reason for an AF week is that I want to focus on some weight loss action: drinking too much in middle age has been hard on my figure. One criteria of what I would called "cured" in terms of TSM is when I'm able to control alcohol enough that I can manage to stay on a healthy diet. Though I'm MUCH closer to being able to do that, the still rather regular alcohol binge evenings play havoc w/ that. A number of factors have come together recently that make this a propitious time for me to bear down on shedding some pounds and I'm hoping that I'll get a buzz from that enough in a week that perhaps alcohol will be pushed back...kind of like EL having success by shifting her focus to exercise and training for events. As you said, replacing a habit or activity w/ another, supplanting alcohol in several ways. A way of not staring TSM in the face, but maybe advancing it by taking alternative action.

Anyone reading this is now COMPLETELY up to date on "all things Chrissie", thanks for reading

Hey, Chrissie, how great to hear from you!

I'm glad you're trying an AF week, I think you'll feel really good about yourself at the end of it. You'll have learned some things about yourself on the way and it will give you confidence in your ability to abstain and control your drinking.

I'd like to share a few things I learned during my period of abstinence;

1. Cravings pass. They really do. Some people say that when one hits, we should distract ourselves, but I found that when I had a craving I could handle it better if I just let myself feel it, I'd just sit down and think about how much I'd love a drink, I'd tell myself that it was ok to feel like that, it was just a feeling but I didn't have to act on it. You let the craving come to you and pass through you and away from you, sort of like a breeze (only not so fast, unfortunately) let it come and let it go.

As you know, on a more pragmatic level, of course, food is always your ally.

2. A craving is a message. That little voice that says 'I want a drink' is telling us something, sometimes it's easy to decipher the message: it's saying: I'm hungry, thirsty, tired and/or stressed, other times the message is more difficult to understand, and that's what you are trying to decode this AF week.

3. Like cravings, feelings pass too. They come and go. It might help you to just recognize them and acknowledge them and do nothing more for the moment. Accept the discomfort, let it wash over you. It is what it is. I think to truly understand these feelings, we have to truly feel them. Don't try to avoid your thoughts or feelings, don't try to talk yourself out of them or debate them internally, don't dialogue with your thoughts, just listen to them, hear them.

Because years of drinking and other avoidance tactics, I didn't really know what it was I was feeling, it's kind of hard to deal with something when you don't know what you're dealing with. For example, I could suggest to you that you find activities for your evenings: classes, reading, knitting, whatever, but as you know, that would be another avoidance tactic, doing that wouldn't help you understand why you're uneasy at night.

You're a brave gal, this is no easy task you've set yourself, but I'm confident that you are ready for it

When the going gets tough, remind yourself that whatever it is, It Will Pass, it always does.

Curi.

Way to go Chrissie on your stretch to gain some AF time!!!

What you said above regarding your night-time morphing rings a bell with me too. For sure, when we are winding down after a good day's distraction...we end up being faced with what is, which as you say resists even the best naval-gazing! LOL I think that my drinking is simply a SYMPTOM of that. We use the alcohol to mask, lessen the effect of those things that are haunting us. For me, my attempt to get at the root of this has been by going to see a counsellor once a week for therapy. Yes, it's expensive if your health care plan doesnt pay for it. I have no medical coverage, so my rationale for spending the money on the therapy is that if it helps to cut down my drinking, then I'm saving money right there; drinking is expensive, especially if one prefers to drink at the pub like me.

Just a thought (if you haven't already) but good luck with your AF time. Both GG and now YOU are inspiring me to go for the same.
Take care.

Congratulations on 3 days AF!!! I too have the night-time problem....bored, restless...the alcohol is the highlight. I probably should go get some counseling. I seem to be about the only family member not in counseling...except for the marriage counseling...But when it's not covered at all by health insurance it gets awfully expensive.

Anyway, well done on the AF days and the effort to understand yourself better! We all need to do this in order to reach our goals.

Thanks, you guys, for your support and good ideas...much appreciated.

Curi, I have to admit that the idea of relaxing and just letting the feelings wash over me was something I'd not thought of doing, no way! My whole life I've tried to just "push away" all the "bad" feeings I "shouldn't" be having . Even now in middle age I have such a combative punitive relationship w/ myself, and how effective has it been??? Part of the good of TSM and this forum is the calm, non-judgmental discussion of the things that we did last night or whenever...ah, the soothing kindness of strangers! Anyway, I have opened up to the feelings this week and to my surprise, not all of them ARE "bad" or uncomfortable; some reflect simply being hard on myself in a way that I don't have to, anymore, if I just recognize the messages for what they are (bogus!)

Dab, along that line, I've logged many hours in therapy @ various times throughout my life and I'm now perusing that data each night this week. Some of it I haven't thought of for a long time but perhaps I've evolved enough that I can get some good use out of that self-knowledge. The things I learned about myself seemed true at the time and still do but maybe now I'm in a better place to really address some of the issues. Good for you, working on your head stuff! it's all part of the complex equations we are, and of which alcohol is one puzzle piece.

GG, I think night time difficulties are pretty common - the Jekyl & Hyde change I've heard many people talk about in themselves. I really am pondering things this week that may prompt another thread on the topic of Night Time Creatures...stay tuned!

Hi Chrissie! First of all congratulations on the 4 AF days! That's a big hurdle and, for me, was just enough to help me keep going. Sometimes I think I'm reading about myself when I see your posts. I too have a very complicated relationship with myself....self-doubts, lack of confidence, am hard on myself...I can really do a number on myself w/ the head games.

Anyway, thank you for sharing your journey. Hope today is a good day!

I guess this would be a Two Week Update, and seems like a logical time to do so. My TSM One Year Mark is next week and no doubt I'll have to really come up w/ something pithy for that...

I'm in a very good place, much better than before my AF week two weeks ago. It went really well and I only took antabuse on days 2 & 3 and then I felt confident the rest of the week . The last night I felt some strong...hankerings, but easily ignored. In fact, I even went for an 8th AF day, because for a variety of reasons there were a number of dangerous triggers on that 8th day that made NOT drinking seem like a wise choice.

Having achieved the AF Week, I was really anxious to see if I could then...drink...moderately. And I did! I drank 3 days last week: 3, 2 & 2. Last night, DH & I went to a little neighborhood outdoor Happy Hour party, and earlier in the day, I was thinking how nice a beer would taste w/ the appetizers. However, I'm also going to a party tonight and I really, really avoid drinking 2 days in a row, since becoming a daily drinker is what pushed me over the edge to alcohol becoming a bad problem for me. So..."a beer would taste good"...hmmm...Guess what: I bought a six-pack of non alcohol beer, and took a couple w/ me. Poor DH opened the little cooler at the party, and looked REAL surprised. I reassured him his "real stuff" was underneath and I was drinking NA because it's less calories.

For me, this "Moderate Drinking" second week was even more significant than the AF week, though I think the two are related. The AF week was a nice break from thinking about drinking, and instead - as Curi suggested - feeling the things I try to avoid @ night and which are less onerous than I'd feared. And I came to realize that I'm of an age that those feelings are now in a different context and represent less problems than, say, 20 years ago "older, (and FINALLY) wiser???"

And the last significant thing in the past two weeks is that as a result of the AF week, I was able to get some real traction in my diet, which creates it's own kind of "buzz" & momentum that ALSO makes me want to move forward...I was able to get some results that I now value MORE than the transient, tired "thrill" of drinking (& eating) too much at night...haven't I explored that pathetic behavior enough years??? Maybe so, maybe so...