I am starting a new post because I actually got my psychiatrist to give me a script for Nal. I have finally leveled off on the Lamictal and am posting today because I still can't get my arse into an AA meeting. Every morning I wake up with a bad hangover, I think I am going to give up on the TSM and try the AA route. I have to admit that I have been AWOL and haven't been posting. I was off of the Nal per doctors orders and started a new drug for depression. I had to titrate up on Lamictal and get to a level dose before he would prescribe the Nal. Doc said that he had to give me the standard protocol "take the nal and don't drink", but said that I was going to do what I was going to do and that he is here to support me. He did suggest that I go to AA to find some non-drinking friends. He also said that sometime down the line I am going to have to decide not to drink. I hope that decision comes easy for me one day. Right now I am learning how to process my emotions without numbing them. A friend of mine suggested Alanon. Perhaps? This next couple of weeks I plan on spending a lot of time on this forum so I don't forget I am working a program here.

I have finally got my husband on board with not having alcohol in the house so that I have to actually take a moment to think whether I really want a drink. I told him it needs to be my choice and that it is just too easy to give in to the craving (or habit) if all I have to do is walk to the fridge. My plan is to try to get three AF days in a row so as to give my liver a rest. My drinking has gone up a bit since I started the Nal again and I get REALLY depressed during the drinking sessions. I almost always have one or two AF days after a session just because I'm hungover. Has anyone here tried to go AF for a period of time and then start TSM? I've read the book and know that it is not recommended, yet wonder if that couldn't kick start the extinction process. I want to succeed at this so I can show others who suffer that they have options. I just hope I'm not too far gone......holding on to a very thin shred of hope.

Pre TSM 35 unites a week
Week 1, 25 mgs - 35 unites
Week 2, 25 mgs - 35 unites, 2 AF
Week 3,

kekede, i can relate to everything you posted.. i started on lamictol 200 mg 4 month ago, and it saved my life. and since i started lamictol i started tsm and believe it or not I NEVER GET HANGOVERS ANYMORE.not sure witch drug, lamictol or naltrexone, did this, but who cares i feel great even though im still drinking. kekede you got to hang in there, dont give up. as far as AA goes i dont go anymore. i think its a great program but i really coulnt stay sober more then a few days. i see a pycoligst once a week, to work things out. to be honest i will never go back yo AA i got more depreesed when i went to meeting and reading the big book. depresion is not something easy to live with if lamicol doesnt work keep trying other meds. i been out of work for 7 years. all i did was lay in bed and drink at night i had no energey felt hopeless and very restless. i finaly after 7 years woke up. i thought the booze made lay down it was Dysthymia (Mild, Chronic Depression).
no im back and can move on with my life BUT i still have to work on my drinking problem. please dont give up. tsm it could take up to a year. you been drinking for many years whats another year. so please dont give up. love you and you will be fine. if you believe in GOD ask him every day to let tsm work for you.

Kekede,
Welcome back.....I managed to go AF now 20 days but it took a crisis to get me started on the AF run. Now I'm wondering when and how I will resume limited drinking...Anyway I want to point you to 2 books, "Over the Influence" and "Moderate Drinking"....both address reducing your drug of choice rather than total abstinence. I think you'll find them helpful in evaluating why you drink and things you can do to reduce the harm drinking does.

I check out this tsm forum daily and it has become my support group....

Hi again, Reading, reading, and reading some more.
@Larry, Thank you for the encouragement....I think the Lamictal is working.....I seem to be a lot calmer and only get depressed when I'm drunk and sometimes the day after. I also seem to be able to focus better. The doc said it should help with the decision making process - to drink or not to drink. You are right about the hangovers being almost nonexistent with the Lamictal, although the hangovers can still get pretty bad if I don't eat. Last night and this morning were pretty brutal being alone in my misery. I feel soooooo much better having come to this forum. I'm not one for organized religion (hence my aversion to AA) but, I do believe in God and will start requesting some assistance with this battle.
@ Gene, I will go to the book store tomorrow. Thank you for the suggestions. I noticed by your post that you to have started and stopped the Nal. May I ask why? I know I stopped once because of the horrible hangovers, once because I convinced myself that I wanted that buzz. The last time I just felt too vulnerable trying to do this on my own with a drug from India. Now, I have enlisted support from a psychiatrist who is willing to prescribe Naltrexone. Yeah! I have the intention of checking in here daily, but have not made it a priority even though it is a lot less time consuming than rehab or 12 step meetings. Thank you for being here. Hugs to all, Keek

Day 2 AF.....I am on a self proclaimed cleansing regimen. Woke up at a reasonable time. Ate healthy. Got a couple hours of exercise in. Now I am typing some of the anxiety away. Glad I don't have any alcohol in the house, but wait there is a store around the corner.......no, no, I won't go. Actually, I'm doing ok other than a little hyped. I don't think I've ever read as much on this board as I have the last 2 days. I especially like the cured posts, I just wish there were many more. It would be nice if the cured list could include things such as age, sex, years spent drinking, daily vs bing drinker, sauce of choice. I can get that be reading the individual's posts, but It would be beneficial to have it in one place. I know, I'm just being lazy, but I want to compare.......Looking to see how fast I can get cured......High hopes......Trying to decide if I should up my dose to 50 mgs on Saturday when I plan on drinking. Perhaps I'll take 3/4 of a pill. Don't want to push things too much. That's all for now folks, Good Night, Keek

Exactly, me too!

Say, in your reading on the Cured thread, did you get to Grace's post? It is my absolute favorite...for a long time I hoped that would be me but I'm not a rapid responder. Anyway, it's a good read:

viewtopic.php?f=19&t=2453

Congrats. on 2 AF Days, wooHOO! Let me know if they "build" for you, or if you start craving more. I've been AF 4 days now - which is unheard of for me - and I'm finding to my surprise that the usual build up of craving is NOT happening...

Just read Grace's post on the cured list. More inspiration! Thanks for posting the link Chrissie!

kekede, you sound like your doing great. hang in there and you will be cured just be patient. i would take 50 mg this weekend and if you cant tolereate it just go back to 25. but you will be fine with 50 just eat before you take yor medication. have a blessed day.

Sorry folks (mostly for myself), but I have not been very compliant with this program. One would think that since I have a legitimate RX for the Nal and that my doc is working with me that I'd try harder. I did very well the first couple of weeks, then once I was in a position to drink without the Nal because I hadn't planned well, I just kept drinking without it. I thought I could get a handle on this beast by just going for a couple of Alcohol Free days a week. Also, my Fibro started acting up and I wanted to be able to take my pain pills. Now I have to wait a few days before I can resume the Nal, so that the vicodin is out of my system. I was set to go to an AA meeting today, but my hubby talked me out of it. He thinks I've been doing very well with the AF days and moderating without the Nal. For the most part he is right: I was able to have 2 glasses of wine the night before I ran a Half Marathon and I haven't drank the night before any training runs. I wanted more Saturday night, but I wasn't going to humiliate myself and hubby. I drank a whole bottle of skinny margarita Sunday night and didn't feel a buzz, nor was I hung over. Last night was another story....I went to the store for a bottle of wine, bought three of those mini vodka's, and found myself drunk, depressed, and hungover. Why, why, why do I think I can do this s@#t... on my own?
I had a visit with my doc yesterday and I guess I was self medicating the low mood that came after the high from the race. The past two weeks I have felt very raw and overly sensitive. The doctor said it could be the meds leveling out and suggested that I see a psychotherapist.....blah....blah...blah. Ok, it might help to learn how to process my emotions without alcohol. I know I need to try and make some good, quality friends, but I'm so afraid of people judging me and therefore don't really make an effort. So here goes! Perhaps I can ask you all to make me accountable to posting daily before 11:30 am Pacific Standard Time. Thanks for listening! Keek

Pre TSM - 35 units a week - 1 AF day

Week 1 - 25mg Nal - 30 units, 2 AF
Week 2 - 25mg Nal - 25 units, 3 AF
Week 3 - 0 mg Nal - 30 units, 2 AF
Week 4 - 0 Mg Nal - 35 units, 2 AF
Week 5 - planning for 3 - 4 before restarting Nal, Currently at 16 units 2 AF

Can someone explain how I can cut and paste my units? Please?

Chrissie, Thank you for sharing Grace's story. It brought me some much needed hope.