Hello everyone and please forgive me if I have posted in the wrong section
I am at a loss at what to do regarding my girlfriend
She clearly has a binge drinking problem and dissapears for 4-5 days on end
And drinks all her money away with her Alcoholic, heroin addict mother
We love each other dearly which is why I so usually lend her money for cigarettes and the like until she next gets paid
She always pays me back without fail, she is the finest person you could wish to meet for 5-6 days whilst not drinking
Then she is back on her binge drinking again, and a person I don't like, I feel I can't continue to be part of this cycle that is slowly destroying her, and hurting me, I walk with this hurt day in day out, I am sick of it, am I doing this wrong? should I not be available for her? I don't know what I am supposed to do
I have talked to her about it and she says she has a problem and will stop, she says she will stop because she loves me and does not want to loose me, am I been to soft with her
Should I be using tough love?

Kind regards Darren

Gosh, Darren, that's a tough situation and an impossible question for us to answer as none of us are professionals and even if we were, we don't have enough information.

I personally don't believe in tough love, I think it does more harm than good in the long run. I also suspect that your girlfriend already knows that if she continues her behavior she might lose you, so I'd imagine threatening that, would only increase her anxiety which would make her want to escape the anxiety by binging more.

Also, stopping or changing a behavior for someone else rarely works, certainly not long term. The desire has to come from within. A person changes because they want it for themselves and because they believe they can change. And perhaps these are areas where you might be able to help her: help her find her own reasons to want to change and help her believe that she can do it.

Also, helping her understand why she is doing it would be useful to her. Who is leading who in this? the mother or the daughter? Does she feel obliged to accompany her mother on these binges for some reason?, to protect her? or is it the other way around?

Explain to her that she has the power and ability to change, that her situation is not hopeless, she is not powerless, she can change. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy would be very helpful to her in this instance and there are many good self-help books available if therapy is not an option.

You posted this question on The Sinclair Method forum, I have no idea if you know about Naltrexone and how it blocks the endorphins released when using heroine and alcohol and how, over time, it reduces the urge to abuse these substances. This is also something you could look into, but again, your girlfriend (and her mother) would have to want to do it for themselves, compliance is vital in this treatment, if you don't consistently take the medication one hour before you drink, it won't work.

I wish you all the best of luck.

curi

My so has been on Sinclair for 6 months - it seems to be getting worse - he starts drinking in the morning and is rarely without alcohol in his system. He spends an enormous amount of money on alcohol while I have to work to cover all the bills. He is becoming a mean drunk - I am ready to call it quits.

Get the book "Over the Influence: The Harm Reduction Guide for Managing Drugs and Alcohol"....It's a good start to understand your girlfriend's relationship to alcohol and ways to reduce the harm. As part of the process you may also decide that TSM is the method to try to really overcome the addiction.

May I suggest you read information on how to help yourself. Having lived with an alcoholic mother and being one myself, I can only concur with what Got the Gene and Curious one have said. I might even try Alanon if I were you - I have not tried it myself, but have heard it works well for some. If she sees you helping yourself to understand her, then maybe (and it's a big maybe) she'll want to get better. Best of support! My heart goes out to you. Keek

hotmrw, does she even want to quit? i know having a alcholic girlfreind can be very had you. i sometimes wonder if my wife was the one with the drinking whould i still be with her. the only advice i would give is let her try the sinclair method. if she doent want to help her self,then you have to make a desision on how long can you live like this.i know thats a hard desision to make. you keep us posted were here to help you and your girlfreind.

If I knew now what I knew 25 years ago about the person I married, I would NOT have married them....my guy sounds like your girl...wonderful when sober, disgusting to me when binging...and have tried EVERYTHING...now, we are trying TSM. He's been on it for a month and binged last night...he has a binge and I cringe..after 25 years I have no tolerance left...TSM is the last thing we will try...if it doesn't work I could be gone...but none of that matters to the alcoholic brain so you need to look out for yourself and decided if you want a lifetime of this or move on.

The mere fact that he's doing it is a huge step in the right direction. For some, adding refereeing sessions with a counselor brings focus to the problem, and not the person. There is ample evidence here that this problem can be licked, ample !

The only codicil is that the drinker must want to change.

I agree, if he is following the protocol and wants to change then there is a good chance of success and I wish both of you that success.