Well, its been almost three months since declaring myself cured. And guess what.... I think I may have to take myself off the cured list. Maybe I'm halfway cured or somewhere in between. But my drinking is going in the wrong direction again. Back in March I was so sure that I was cured but now I really wonder whats happening. I now take a full strength nal on a full stomach to avoid the crappy feeling Nal gives me without food. But over the last 5-6 weeks I've been drinking first two beers and then an entire bottle of wine. This is not good! Funny, during the week I don't drink at all. I have no problem not drinking. But when the weekend comes I find that I am really looking forward to drinking..... alot! I know that I can totally obstain if I make that decision. But I was hoping that TSM would completely remove my desire for booze, so that I would not feel like I was missing anything by not drinking. Well, I still feel like I'm missing something if I don't indulge on the weekends. That feeling is alive and well.

I guess, I'll just keep naling on and see what happens. But reading half glass' post about it taking 17 months is very inspiring. Maybe I just need more time.... I hope.

Nal on everyone...

Update time. Well, something EL said struck a cord with me. She said that BF and her have so many mutual interests that she finds it easy to lay off the drinking. She's more interested in spending time and doing other things with BF. This is wonderful. I've been married almost 20 years and for all of those years I've struggled to keep the marraige interesting and engaging. My husband is a wonderful man, great father, quite solid, moderate drinker, hard worker etc. However, we have very few interests in common. Cooking and wine are it. I've gone off on my own doing sanctuary volunteer work and gardening and bird watching, running marathons etc. I've done many things over the years of our partnership. He has remained unchanged and seems content to just work, eat and sleep. He has no friends, no interests other than his family. So I'm thinking perhaps that part of the reason I drink on the weekends is boredom. Its a way to spend time with my husband and do the same thing together? Could that be why? I'm not sure, but it certainly seems like its true. Its always been the case, even through marraige counseling and trying to work things out together. It will never change. Nor will I ever divorce him. He's a good man..... Just not too interesting sorry to say. I still feel quite lucky to have him in my life and I do love him.

So, I find myself once again looking forward to the weekend drinking. Tomorrow is Friday and I know I'll end up on the couch sleeping at 8:00pm as I do most Friday and Saturday nights. I'll wake up Saturday morning and not remember going to bed nor what I watched on TV, nor part of the conversations that may have occurred later in the evening. This is a problem... I'll have to think about how to get around this.

Nal on everyone.

edited

Progress update. This weekend was better. Friday night was a bit much and I don't remember going to bed. But Saturday, good news, we had no white wine. I could have asked hub to take me to the wine store on the way home from the movies but just did'nt feel like it. I drank a beer and red wine. I drank much less and had control. I remember the entire evening and when I went to bed. Sunday, I did pick up a bottle of white, but ended up dumping my last glass in the sink. Just didn't want it anymore. This is progress. I'll keep going. It has to get better.

Nal on everyone....

Update time. Things are slightly better but there are ups and downs. Sometimes I drink less (1 beer and 3/4 bottle of wine) and other times drink until I become so tired, I just fall asleep (two beers and 1 bottle of wine). Still not where I want to be but realize there are important things I must do to maintain control. We had a big event this weekend involving a long day of partying. Before we left I stopped at our local burger joint and ordered two cheeseburgers and fries. By eating a large protien meal prior to drinking makes a huge difference for me. I was able to maintain control for the entire time. So eating prior to drinking is key for me. Its a must in order to maintain control....

Nal on everyone,

Hey nalwayout, just checking in. Sorry to hear you feel you are "semi-cured" after all this time. I think I know exactly what you mean though: "Well, I still feel like I'm missing something if I don't indulge on the weekends."
Yep. My drinking has been mostly under control for months now (no blackouts, no stupid behavior, no fights with boyfriend, and usually, manageable hangovers - I biked 35 miles on my last hangover lol...and ouch HOWEVER, I still look forward to drinking. I have sort of come to accept that I don't think I will be one of those people who develops a complete indifference to alcohol - it's just too engrained in different parts of my life and culture. And I think that's ok - I guess I think I WOULD be missing something if I completely abstained for life. But I think this is all about what your relationship to drinking was throughout your life. If you always drank to excess maybe abstinence IS a completely positive thing. For me, there is enough good about alcohol that I can't throw the baby out with the bathwater.

Your posts about your lacking interests w/ your husband and your drinking to fill the boredom struck a chord with me. I think I can relate. Great that you've stopped drinking during the week but I can see you are still struggling w/ the weekend numbers. Have you read "Over the Influence"? It might help you work thru the reasons why you drink.

Hang in there!

Hello EL and Gotthegene,

Its nice to touch base with you. I'm glad to hear that things are going along more smoothly for you both. EL, I can relate to keeping the wine in my life. Its just something I enjoy and look forward to and I think that is okay too. Just looking to moderate a little bit more. And Gott I'll read the book "Over the influence", because I know there are underlying issues that go deep within me that influence my drinking habits. I've been to counseling ad nauseum for years earlier in my 30's and 40's. My life right now is very stable and happy, but earlier in my life, I was in a lot of turmoil. At this stage of the game, I'm at least happy about my new formula for not getting out of control. EAT PROTIEN-take nal-wait 1 hour= control. Not so good for the waist line but beef is king as far as staying with it. And EL I think you are absolutely right about forcing yourself to exersize even if hung over! Kudos to you for staying the course. I also force myself to excersize daily. I think it maintains some kind of balance and keeps the scales from tipping the wrong way mentally giving one a more positive outlook.

So, on we go, week after week, month after month. I hope in the end it all works in our favor.

Best wishes,

Hi Nalway,

I'm glad that you are getting back on track and I'm glad too that eating protein is working for you, it really does make a big difference as far as drinking is concerned. Though I'm surprised that you say that you're putting on weight because of it, I found the opposite, (but I cut way back on starches; pasta, bread, rice and potatoes)

I can relate to what you say about drinking from boredom at the weekends. That's the thing about these solid, steady types, they are rocks, you can count on them, lean on them, you always know where they are, but... it's hard to move them . They're not great at taking initiative and organizing things but often though, they are happy to follow along. So that might be an idea for you to try; organize activities for the weekends. Invite friends over to your home for dinner or arrange a night out at a restaurant/bar, bowling, cinema, a show, anything that involves other people and some activity. The fact that you are out or doing something might remove some of the boredom and therefore, hopefully, remove the need to drink too much to compensate.

Nal-On!

Curi

Over the past week I've taken a break from TSM and stayed AF. Lost the bit of weight I'd gained and I feel much better. Things were getting out of hand again. Its so easy to fall into the routine of drinking during the week. It starts with one Wednesday night then leads to Wednesday and Thursday night the next week and then it quickly becomes most nights. I had to break that cycle so I did, for now. When I go back to TSM I'll have to really focus on NOT drinking during the work week any more. It leads to nothing good.....

Meanwhile my 33 year old daughter hit rock bottom last weekend. She lost her job, her car has been reposessed, she just got her second DUI, she will soon loose her license and her home, and she is severly alchohol dependent not to mention her compulsive gambling issues. She has intense emotional problems with anger management. She is a very angry person which is why she lost her job. I took her to detox last Saturday and she didn't even make it two hours before she was calling me to pick her up. Not what she expected I guess. So I picked her up the next morning and took her home to her place. She's started going to AA meetings and reading the big book this week. I wonder if its just a ploy to manipulate me into letting her live home to be honest. We've helped her so many times and it never seems to make a difference. Helping her seems to just enable her to continue to cause havoc on all the people around her. She owes us thousands of dollars that we'll never see. I can't imagine living with my daughter in my home. We are like oil and water and do not coexist well at all. She is toxic to me sorry to say. I don't know what is going to happen at the end of this month when her last months rent runs out. But I must stand firm on the living arrangements.

So here is my question to anyone who would be so kind as to answer. She wants me to come to a AA meeting to observe. Apparently these meetings allow family and friends to come along and listen in. I'd like to support her in any way I can but I'm thinking this will make me feel very sorry for her and eventually I'll fold once again and let her in. But each time I do, she just takes advantage of us, our money, our family, just anything that will help her continue what she's doing. I was wondering about Al-anon and if my husband and I should go to gain some perspective on things. Any input would be appreciated.

Best to everyone.