MischievousFilly's Journey

MischievousFilly · **Joined:** Tue Sep 04, 2012 8:23 am **Posts:** 16

I'm pre-Nal, waiting for online orders to come in which I anticipate will be later this week.

A little background for anyone interested: I never had a consistent/frequent problem moderating my drinking until I broke up with a guy I was madly in love with who was slowly and steadily manifesting abusive tendencies as my hard-won self-esteem eroded.

Towards the end of our time together, I was drinking more to regain the euphoria of the falling-in-love stage when he treated me well and also to anesthetize myself agains all his little put-downs (the abuse was 99% emotional, I'm told the worst kind). After the relationship ended, I found a local bar that was one-stop shopping for all my little vices:

1. my favorite drink, often comp'ed for me....
2. ....by the attractive friendly bartender who made me feel likeable, attractive and competent again, PLUS...
3. ....my favorite dessert.

Sigh...

This created a perfect storm of endorphins and there I went to a level of approx. 6 units everyday on average. Not as much as others here, but too much for me. Have had a mild to moderately severe HO almost daily and very, very few AF days over the past 4 years.

Meanwhile, I started a relationship with a new guy who had been clean and sober for 7 years with 12-step and other, interpersonal supports.
I would occasionally attend AA with him and while I can see its value, it isn't for me. He himself had not binged on the AA Kool-Aid, thankfully--he wasn't a meeting junkie.

About 6 months ago, when my SO expressed concern about my drinking (after I got b*tchy with him while trashed one time too often...), I decided to try SMART recovery. I like the SMART program, but they do require abstinence. I was AF for 9 whole days and then decided to try to moderate again by ONLY drinking when not at home. That is, I would keep no spirits in the house at all. This helped a lot but....

Well, as you know, it's easy to find places to drink and my levels quickly went back up to not-good levels. I want my levels to go back down to what they were before the abusive relationship.

Also, I've gained about 30 pounds. Yech!!!

So, recently, I discovered TSM, bought the book, and I'm hoping to stitch together the t-shirt!

My SO doesn't care if I drink moderately, so I have told him a little of this plan although we've been busy with other activities (ahem, such as getting married) and I haven't explained in depth all the theories behind TSM. But I do plan on sharing this with him more in the near future.

I've told NO ONE else except a therapist that I have a drinking problem. Like most people, I feel ashamed that I've fallen into this mess.

The journey begins shortly.....

larry27 · **Joined:** Sat Jul 28, 2012 12:43 pm **Posts:** 153

i want to wish you good luck on your jorney MischievousFilly .you will be fine.

Gotthegene · **Joined:** Fri Feb 10, 2012 5:39 pm **Posts:** 309

Best of luck to you. Visit this forum for inspiration...it's gotten me on my way. Like you, there's no way I could admit to anyone I have a drinking problem....except my husband when he found me drunk too many times. Start counting units....it's the first step to understanding where you are and deciding where you need to get to.

MischievousFilly · **Joined:** Tue Sep 04, 2012 8:23 am **Posts:** 16

Thanks, fellow Sinclair-ites, for the supportive comments!

I hope to pick up my Nal at the post office tomorrow which came registered mail on this past Saturday when I was out, unfortunately.

My journey begins not a minute too soon, as I want to start an online career development program I'm actually very excited about. One Plan: I'm thinking I'll come home, take my Nal, start dinner and study for an hour and then have my drink(ssss?) with dinner. Or, Plan B: for those days I stop at a bar near the office (where all the bartenders and I know each other on first name basis--what does that tell you other than that I am a friendly person?) I will take my medicine an hour before quitting time.

As I type this, I sip my fav drink...last day pre-TSM? I sure hope so.

Stay tuned.......if you dare........ :twisted:

larry27 · **Joined:** Sat Jul 28, 2012 12:43 pm **Posts:** 153

i like your plan. make sure you think possitive and hang in there. its goung to be a interesting ride for you. i had alot of worries and still do but after talikng to people on this forum and to dr. roy escapa i feel alot better. just remeber 3-4 month does not always aply to everyone, it might take i bit longer, hopefuly you will see early results. anyway keep your chin up and good luck doing tsm.

MischievousFilly · **Joined:** Tue Sep 04, 2012 8:23 am **Posts:** 16

WHOMPPP!!! First stop: Side-Effect City!

Took my first 25mg NAL last night and within an hour, started to feel:

. dizzy
. spacey
. fatigued
. nausated
. shaky

I knew I *had* to drink so I got my usual and felt marginally better for 3 minutes and went to lie down. Oh boy, bring on the shakes, chills, sweats.

Then vomited 4 times and lay back down. After about an hour, felt better, but still shaky. Managed to eat and keep it down. Back to bed, watched tv, then so tired.... Fell into a restless sleep...woke up 10 times or more, but went back to sleep quickly.

Today...still feel pretty bad. Ate breakfast to try to resolve some of the weakness, walked the dog, came to work. SOOOO tired and sleepy. Afraid my stomach can't handle coffee so I'm having a Mountain Dew to get some zip going....

Hope I can make it through the work day.

Help! Any thoughts? I'm definitely going down to 12.5mg tonight.

Hey, well, at least it "worked"! I only had 2 drinks last night and they didn't stay down long. Absolutely did NOT want to drink last night. OTOH, did not want to live that badly either (not really, just exaggerating for effect).

Anyone else react like this????

:cry:

Nalwayout · **Posted:** Tue Sep 18, 2012 8:17 am

Hello MFJ

Yes, I do react the same way. My way around feeling that way is to a good amount of food when I take my nal. The side effects just don't happen if I eat first. However, if I don't eat, I feel awful just like you mentioned.

Give it a try. Perhaps it will help you too.

Best,

Gotthegene · **Joined:** Fri Feb 10, 2012 5:39 pm **Posts:** 309

There have been times I've had absolutely no side effects and times that I've felt just like you. I went off the Nal b/c it was just scarey. I didn't think about eating before hand....that's a good idea. The last times I took Nal I was back to no side effects. Yes, cut back to a lower dosage. Hope that works and you feel better.

larry27 · **Joined:** Sat Jul 28, 2012 12:43 pm **Posts:** 153

fly before you take nal make sure you eat. i know for me the Nausea was bad but went away after a month. as far as dizzy,spacey, fatigued and shaky i did not experince any of that. but everyone reacts different to naltrexone.start lower on naltexone and work you way up take 12.5 for a few days then 25 for a few days then 50. just hang in there your body will get use to the medication.good luck.

thatsameguy · **Joined:** Fri Aug 17, 2012 8:04 pm **Posts:** 26

I don't have much of a reaction to Nal at all, but I've heard that if you do, it might mean it'll work better for you. Of course, vomiting up everything you drink is one way to cut down.

The good thing about this place is that when you tell people you drink too much, instead of judging you they just nod knowingly. Good to know it's not a failure of will or personality defect, it's just the way we're wired. Here's to all of us getting unwired with Nal.

MischievousFilly's Journey

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