Went to the pub with my wife on Saturday night, had four pints in about as many hours, felt a little buzzed, woke up at 6am with my heart racing and had a hard time going back to sleep. Typical reaction for me, hated it...Even though not hungover, I didn't feel like doing anything Sunday. Good news, I wanted to stop at two, decided on three and then the fourth pint was a bit of a server error and I ended up sipping it and leaving some. The good thing about having a few is that it makes me more social and I can let go a bit and enjoyed the live music and had some fun even though the nal takes the high out of it. The more I drink, the less I want to. This crap is amazing! Out of town for business this weekend, don't know if I will drink anything or not, if it was today I wouldn't. The rest of the week was AF...some of you might have noticed a pattern...

A little less self-absorbed this week, have my sense of humor back, home sick for the USA, and had a great work out at the gym today. What could go wrong?!!!

Eric

The best part about your latest, seems to me, is that you RECOGNIZE that you need AL as a social lubricant. Ergo, you are uncomfortable in social situations; peel the onion another layer and think about why, and what if anything you can do about it. I'm a bit that way too, and in my case it's about "not good enough" -- maybe they won't like me, or laugh at my jokes, or be interested in my life adventures, and since I demand absolute perfection of myself, all those possibilities represent huge failures. So MY "what can I do about it" is to be more realistic about both my self-expectations and about the consequences if I'm not a big hit at the party. Will it really be the end of the world? Will they start posting nasty stuff about me on FaceBook? Are they even really all that focused on whether I'm cool? Am I focusing too much on me when maybe I should be focusing on them?

Sometimes I can come up with answers by going through that process, other times it just lets some of the pressure bleed off. But I have decades of home-grown evidence that boozing it away for a few hours doesn't change me; the next day I'm still carrying around the same baggage, and feeling even worse because I let AL be my boss once again.

Ellpee,
You nailed the perfectionist part. That's me. I cannot except anything but perfection and I fail when it comes to social events. No matter how much I try, I am not an extrovert.

Eric

Hello fellow Nal-er's, future Nal-er's, and interested lurkers,

I had an AF week and feel really good about this one. Went to Manchester for business over the weekend and even though I have access to free booze at the hotel I decided not to drink. Instead I utilized the hotel gym. I even went out on Friday and just drank water and diet coke. Saturday my next door neighbor had a party, which was extremely cool, and I opted for diet coke and Redbull. While everyone else is hungover this morning and feeling crappy I went for a 13 mile bike ride and am getting ready for an afternoon BBQ.

Die monkey die! (Ok, that was a bit over the top...)

I don't plan on a life of abstinence, but this beats drinking by a long shot.

Eric

Okay, I can't resist...you have shaken me from my reverie...heh, heh, heh



Well, first apologies to the Forum for seemingly dropping out - I've been reading some but not jumping in. Two reasons: I think I got way too focused on TSM which got to be a problem in itself! So - you might reasonably ask - WHY don't you just post...less, Chrissie? Well, what an idea! Do you REALLY have to ask an alkie a question like that? To hell w/ moderation, it's all or NUTHIN', baby! Seriously, yet another moderation issue for me

The other reason is that I'm in a very strange place w/ TSM: definitely good news, bad news and I haven't wanted to talk about that. But that's not honest, huh. So I promise I will update my progress report SOON and spill the beans. In the meantime, not to worry: I'm still making progress. But it is peculiar, and not what I'd envisioned.

As for YOU, Eric, you rock! An AF WEEK! You've come such a long way, in not a lot of time. I love reading your posts and the mental images I get from them, riding your bike, etc. Since my own multiple AF days still seem to lead to some ADE rebound, I'm curious how you feel after a week "dry"...anxious? Craving the old monkey juice?

Chrissie,
Great hearing from you. I really haven't been craving alcohol and I usually don't. When it comes to drinking I am more impulsive than anything else so it becomes a matter of trigger management. When I avoid my triggers then I feel like I am missing out or that I don't fit in. Naltrexone is giving me the ability to control myself when I do decide to drink, but, I am getting more and more where I don't even want a drink. The side effects now outweigh the pleasure. The monkey isn't getting fed...

Eric

My weekly update:

I was AF this week and never even wanted a drink. I have family coming into town next weekend and I don't plan to drink while they are here so I will probably be AF for the next three weeks. Everything else is going well, 100+ miles on the bike this week and I put four days in the gym lifting weights.

Eric

Weekly update (couple of days late)

AF all week. This week will be AF as well. Going to Greece with family so this will take a bit of an effort but I feel good about my chances.

Thanks,

Eric

AWESOME...you are like "Poster Child" for TSM: from Bingeing Blackout Boy to Hardbody Sober Dude...and all since January! Have a great vacation - well deserved!

Congratulations on your success Eric!