Hello,

I'm on this site because my father is currently using the Sinclair Method after nearly five years of trying meetings and abstinence and only getting worse. It seems to be working so far and I think he is two and half months into it. He lives out of state and we haven't talked in detail about his progression but he did ask me for my opinion on the medical merits and safety of it. (I'm in the medical field) The reason I am looking into it myself is that my 21 year old college student son recently came home for a visit in between semesters. He's helping me with my business as my husband is out of town on business and I needed some muscle to move some equipment. What has me alarmed is that he has put away about 5-6 liters of wine in the space of three days and is currently sleeping off a hangover. All of this at home, in his room, after I've gone to bed. In other words drinking alone. Words cannot express the worry that has come over me that he has acquired a serious alcohol addiction while away at school. Our family has a culture of drinking to celebrate togetherness, we brew our own beer, we throw parties frequently, we genuinely enjoy the social nature of drinking with friends. That is probably the main reason my father gravitated to TSM, because he genuinely felt left out of the fun - and felt like he was ruining ours- because he was trying to be on the wagon. Socializing in our family means beer tasting, enjoying a great wine and food pairing, trying some crazy new martini with pomegranate and rosemary, I always remember it that way and neither I nor my husband have developed the addiction. My son, I fear, is another story. I imagine it has been forming for some time, at first I probably didn't know, then I didn't choose to know, but now it's staring me in the face and I'm terrified. Is there anyone here who has an adult child this young who has used TSM right from the start and bypassed the 12 step, AA thing? We are not religious at all and the whole giving oneself over to God just would never fly. (and it didn't with my Daddy either)

It sounds like your son is exhibiting some signs of an abusive drinker. However, it is difficult to say if he is truly addicted to AL or was just wanting to get drunk.

Do you have the type of relationship where you can talk to him and see where he is with his drinking? I would ask him: Do you drink like this often?

The Sinclair Method is a nice program in that it doesn’t have the stigma attached to it that you are “in treatment.” However, taking Naltrexone does have some side effects that a guy in his 20s would have a problem with. There were times in my TSM journey where I asked myself "Do I want to take Nal and deal with side effects (for me it is fatigue, poor sleep, and horrible hang over even after drinking moderate amounts of AL) so I can drink, or do I just want to avoid drinking." These side effects can come and go, but they do tend to stick with you in the long run (my experience). When you are full on addicted to AL, you don't have a choice: You take NAL and drink. Once the addiction is gone, things change alot. There were many times where I simply chose not to drink because I didn't want to deal with the possible side effects of NAL.

Let’s be honest, getting drunk feels good and is often fun (it’s the fall out from being drunk and the hang overs that suck). The question that would concern me is if your son has had enough negative experiences with AL that he is willing to put up with the side effects of Nal to rid himself of the addiction. A small percentage of people don’t have side effects, or have very little. Perhaps he would fall into this group.

I think it is definitely worth talking to him about TSM and trying to get him to talk NAL before he drinks if even to prevent a possible future addiction.

I’m just trying to be honest about some of the side effects of NAL that turn some people away.

Good luck.

Q

Thank you for your advice. My son has always been introverted and hard to talk to. He was a difficult baby, toddler, boy and teenager, although he has never gotten himself into legal trouble and he is an excellent student. His father couldn't talk to him at all, he used to ask me to go in there ( his room) and "do that thing I do". We share the same introverted temperament so sometimes I can get through to him. The scary thing is that he is a virtual clone of his grandfather in every way, and I worry that that gene is there too. I did ask him if he does this at home, and how often, etc. At first he said, "We are not having this conversation." Then he finally said that he does not and that doing that would cause physical harm so why would anybody? I think he's in denial, but since I only see him once a quarter or so I can't really see how he is when he's away. I need to ask his roommates and other people who know his daily pattern. I reminded him that his grandfather is an alcoholic and is trying to get control of drinking but he denies that alcoholism is real, he thinks it's just a problem of perception. (other people's) He blames his grandmother for making it into a problem for his grandfather. Sigh. I will take to heart what you said about being an abusive drinker and maybe not a full blown alcoholic, although one is just a path to the other sometimes. And I will keep trying to get into his head. Honestly, the Naltrexone ala Sinclair has been a gift to my father, and to all of us. He and my mother now can go out to dinner and share a bottle of wine and a baileys and coffee and enjoy each other's company and the good food instead of her sitting there with arms crossed, dreading what's coming later. He says a lot of it is still headwork because the underlying reasons for medicating himself with booze are still there, but not being bashed and chastised at AA meetings helps tremendously. He has his self respect back along with being the boss of alcohol again, and I have my Dad back. Thanks again for the comments, it helps a lot.

Hi Birddoc,

I wonder is there any possibility that your father would talk to him. He might open up a bit more to him.

It did occur to me, although I haven't shared my concerns about this with anyone else yet. Even my husband. It feels a little like tripping a fire alarm because the house is getting hot. Currently dealing with my own denial but I'll talk to my husband first and ask for a reality check.

Thank you.

Hi Birddoc,

I am relatively new to the board, and to the TSM, but definitely not new to alcohol addiction. It's been the main overwhelming challenge of my adult life, and it also runs in my father's family. I would point out that I , for one, would have found gentle guidance and conversation about alcohol and addiction very valuable when I first started exhibiting signs of heavy abuse/addiction, particularly if there is available a 'cure', (or an effective preemptive measure), as there is with TSM. I did not recieve that from my family- they just let me be and hoped for the best. I was a young adult, on my own, and it seemed like the right thing to do. It was during this time that I developed a crippling addiction that's been with me all my life.

I wish they had talked to me more, asked about my usage, told me the real scoop of my family history, etc. That is not to say that I would not act awkward, uncomfortable, etc. during the conversations with family members if they initiated them-- but in hindsight, I think I would have appreciated someone pointing out that, among other things, there is a "safeguard" from developing the addiction that has destroyed lives in my family, and that is TSM.

I'd definitely say that any conversations should be gentle, and not overbearing, as it sounds like he doesn't want to listen (for now- maybe that'll change). More in the spirit of "checking in", and reminding him of the love and support you have for him, and also that there is an important safeguard available to him in TSM. Right now, as is so common in young people who have limited life experience, he is operating under some incorrect beliefs- alcohol is definitely a real disease and it definitely runs in families. I get that it may feel like "jumping the gun" or "making a mountain out of a molehill", ie, pulling the fire alarm while the house is merely hot, but I really think it is worth checking in from time to time. It may even cause some friction-- so again, be gentle. But in the long run I think he might come to appreciate that you're looking to inform him of a valuable tool to keep him healthier, ie the TSM. The alternative, addiction with seemingly no answers or help, can be a hellish existence, as so many of us have experienced.

I, for one, wish I had a loved one armed with support and education, check in with me and share their knowledge with me. Instead, I was pretty much left on my own to find my own answers.

Just my two cents. I know family issues can be tough- good luck on whatever you decide is best for him and your family.
Travis

Wow, Travis, that is a truly valuable perspective and I appreciate your thoughts. My son has refused on three occasions this week to even discuss it with me. I have been very gentle and not accusatory at all and I pointed out some of the things you suggested. The result of my efforts was that he drank half a bottle of tequila last night after I went to bed. I guess I'm lucky it wasn't a whole bottle. He is currently locked in his room and he threatened to pack up and leave if I bring it up again. I'll keep at it and even if he does pack up and leave I'll still keep at it. It's so weird because I cannot figure out if he's drinking because he's depressed or if he's depressed because he's drinking. At his age he has plenty of cause to be depressed, job market in the toilet, getting ready to graduate next year, all that angst about what to do with his life.

His father returns home tonight, eager to see him and have a beer with his boy. What in the world am I going to say to him? He's going to be completely stunned. I haven't shared this with anyone outside this board. If it wasn't for this I'd be going completely nuts. Thank you all.

Hey Birddoc,
Sorry to hear that it's caused tension- that is tough. I'm sorry to hear, too, that he's said he'll leave if it's brought up again- he really doesn't sound ready or open to talking about it, and that's too bad. That may hopefully change someday, maybe soon maybe later.

How's it been going since your last post? I hope things in the last few days haven't been too uncomfortable... And if they have, I hope he comes to realize in hindsight that you're just concerned and want to help. No denying, though, that young people have that desire for independance-- not much to be done about that but remind him that you're there for him, I suppose.

Again, good luck going forward, I wish you the best.

Hi Birddoc- you and your family have been in my thoughts. How are things? Please update if you get a chance.