I carry my NAL in a tin box strong the peppermint breath mints come in( you know the brand) - that way its always w/me and discreet. Also have a couple in my wallet - but dont always carry the wallet in my girly night out purses.

Hello,

Checking back in to post numbers and share some mixed results.

Here are the stats:
Week 1: 41.72 / 1AF
Week 2: 43.60 / 0AF
Week 3: 40.27 / 0AF
Week 4: 48.00 / 1AF
Week 5: 34.53 / 1AF
Week 6: 40.93 / 1AF
Week 7: 32.17 / 3AF

As you can see, I did pretty well in week 7. 3 AFs in a week is a feat I haven't accomplished in a very long time.

Now the bad news: I haven't had an AF now in 6 days and on Monday and last night I drank without taking my Nal and was in bed after 1am both times.

Why would I do such a stupid thing? I was planning to go AF both nights but made a snap decision towards 11:30pm to booze it up. Being so late I didn't have time to take a Nal and wait an hour so I just cracked the beers and went at it.

What triggered this irresponsible, impulsive and sleep destroying behavior? I blame it on bouts of quarreling with my wife (or rather getting yelled at by her) over very trivial issues (eg. using the wrong setting on the washing machine while doing my own laundry). I'm by nature a very calm person and would prefer to live in a world where the only reason anyone would ever raise their voice would be to say something like "look out!". My wife comes from a family where they all speak loudly, constantly cutting each other off in conversation, and can fly into shouting rages over the slightest conflicts. I suppose her nervous hot-temper is just her nature - it was practically bred into her - but it drives me crazy.

And so feeling resentful, irritated and tired after a couple hours of verbal lashing, I broke my resolve to go AF the minute she went to bed on both nights. I'm not blaming anything on my wife or trying to use this as an excuse. I do think that subconsciously it becomes an excuse in the moment I decide to drink. I know she doesn't like me over-drinking so it becomes a way of "getting her back", even though I'm only hurting myself. That and it helps to break the tension after an argument. I'm feeling really down about the whole thing.

Now with vacation coming up, I'm starting to worry that I'm really going to slip and start consuming obscene quantities of Al.

Can anyone else relate to relationship-conflict trigger? Any thoughts on how to manage it?

Wow! Check your ID -- you might be me. I'm in Week 11 now, coming BACK from a five-month stint of total abstinence and trying via TSM to keep it moderate, appropriate, and under my control at all times. I've sounded off in other threads here about how, for me, NAL is only half or less of my recovery program; I believe in the science behind TSM and am convinced it will help me, but I'm equally convinced that I have to do my "head homework" continuously. That concept is hidden in AA's 12 steps, behind a bunch of spiritual and powerlessness and character defects stuff that unfortunately keeps a lot of people from recognizing the really good nuggets.

Your latest post, therefore, rang a loud bell with me. I was using booze for a long time as medicine for just about any strong emotion I was unable or unwilling to deal with rationally, and wifely criticisms of what I considered to be nitpicky stuff were a frequent trigger. (Another of her specialties is "coaching" me through things that I know perfectly well how to do correctly; part of me reacts very badly to that, even though I suppose she means well when she does it.) I still grit my teeth sometimes at those times, and about a zillion other things life throws at me. Angry? Resentful? Feeling rejected? Self-righteous? Fearful? You name it, booze was my answer for far too long. Result: a few hours of relief-through-intoxication, followed by SSDD and a brand new layer of self-loathing because I failed once again to live up to my unrealistically high standards for myself.

I'm working now on developing a wait-and-question pattern for those situations instead of reaching immediately for a drink. Is it REALLY as bad as I think? Why? Is it going to get worse yet, as I imagine? Is it really something somebody else just up and did to me, or did I play a part in it? Is it something I'm able to fix? Is it something I'm SUPPOSED TO fix, or am I just telling myself that? What does it say about me if I just let it go and move on -- is that a failure on my part, or a sensible thing to do? How exactly is that drink (and the ones after that) going to make the situation better? Going through this doesn't always produce a satisfactory answer, but if nothing else it lets some of the mental pressure seep away, so I can maybe opt for no drink after all.

I wish you the best with your TSM, and hope all the above is of some value.

It's been 2 months since my last post so this confessional is well overdue. When I last checked in, I had faltered and was nervously anticipating the coming vacation period as this usually results in over consumption. First, the numbers:

Week 1: 41.72 / 1AF
Week 2: 43.60 / 0AF
Week 3: 40.27 / 0AF
Week 4: 48.00 / 1AF
Week 5: 34.53 / 1AF
Week 6: 40.93 / 1AF
Week 7: 32.17 / 3AF
Week 8: 48 / 1AF
Week 9: 29 / 3AF
Week 10: 25 / 3AF
Week 11: 25 / 3AF
Week 12: 35 / 2AF

I'll give myself a little pat on the back now because these are the best vacation numbers I've managed in 10 years. Not only did I reduce consumption, but I was also in bed every night before 12am and often at 10:30pm which meant I was well rested and not suffering from hangovers for the entire vacation. Finally the coup de grace: I didn't smoke a single cigarette... not one! They say vacation is the best time to change a habit. A change of context makes it easier for the brain to rewire. This certainly proved to be my experience.

Now the bad news: I ran out of Nal a couple days after returning from vacation and dragged my feet on seeing the doctor to re-up the prescription. The result: I fell right back into my old habits, pounding beers and smoking cigarettes late into the night leading to hangovers and sleep deprivation. The numbers above cover up to the end of August. I don't have numbers for September because I stopped tracking. I think I managed 2AFs in 4 weeks with a weekly consumption north of 40 units.

So I climbed high during my vacation only to fall right back down. But, I got a 60 day supply of Nal last week and I'm rebooting the program. I'm trying not to feel guilty and discouraged about the backslide and to focus on the present and future. I've been following the golden rule again now for a week and though my consumption has remained high, I feel more confident about controlling it. I really wonder if that is due to the Nal or the psychological context that taking the Nal creates. I suppose it doesn't matter. Planning an AF tonight. The goal for this week is to get down below 35 units. In a week or two, I want to reboot my no smoking initiative.

I'm still reading through your posts of the last two months. Hoping to see your results have been better than mine.

Cheers,
Bunton

Ah, there you are...I wondered how you were doing.

Congratulations on your stellar vacation! A real confidence booster to see that you can do that, and also a chance for you to see how life CAN be!

Hmmm...I'm no psychologist, but I may recognize that, based on my own ambivalence the past few months...about the looming prospect of getting "cured". At least in my case, Nal knocked down the drinking experience enough that it no longer resulted in bad things happening...alcohol seemed less "dangerous" and "bad", and I started remembering the pleasure in it. I realized I didn't want to give that up, even though I knew I would not be able to meet my goals in life if I didn't get past alcohol. Does any of that speak to you? I haven't heard ambivalence discussed much as a topic here, though perhaps the "spikes" people exhibit is an expression of that.

Anyway, I know you have a lot of motivation to do well - for yourself and your family - and your post here represents a fresh start for you. There is no reason you won't do well...keep in touch!

Good to hear from you Chrissie. No, I don't think the long delay was a subconscious effort to indulge in the dark side of alcohol. Overall, I'd say I enjoy drinking on Nal nearly as much as without. I just feel less interested downing drink after drink as the night goes on. It never felt like a deprivation.

I think it was a combination of two factors: 1) the logistically complicated process of getting the kids back in school and balancing the work schedule with child care duties and 2) the fact that I am by nature an inveterate procrastinator.

I saw someone somewhere on the board mention the concept of State Dependent Learning...
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/State-dependent_learning
I think this theory goes a long way towards explaining how I so easily slid back into my habits. In a sense, changing a habit while on vacation is not so difficult. Everything from our daily activities to the food we eat tends to change in this context so the brain finds it easier to break out of its routines. The real test is getting the new habit to stick when we get back to normal every day life. By this measure, I failed completely. I had the excuse of having run out of Nal. And then each time I drank and smoked I set a new precedent for future behavior. Somehow if I misbehaved the night before, doing the same thing tonight doesn't seem as bad. I should have doubled down on my conviction to follow the program. I should have been posting on the board for encouragement and guidance. Studies show that newly acquired habits that are kept up for 30 days are very likely to stick. Had I done it that way, I'd be in much better shape than now.

Oh well, it is what it is. I take comfort in the fact that I'm back on the right track.

Don't be too hard on yourself Bunton. Many of us (I'd wager more than 50%) who start on TSM have at least one failure in the process. Very few, as far as I've read, succeed on the first go. So you've had your bump in the road and now you move on. Hovering on this forum has helped keep me going. Breaking the daily drinking (it took a crisis for me to do that) finally got me on the road to recovery. Reading several books on alcoholism (w/ different approaches and "cures") got me to think more about my "relationship" with alcohol and better understand "why" I drink (in addition to the fact that there are a lot of alcoholics on both sides of my family). I too started with wine w/ dinner b/c I really liked the taste; then it became simply the highlight of mostly mundane days. When the buzz from a few glasses of wine wasn't enough, I added nightcaps of vodka.

I've only read parts of your story so maybe I missed mention of your wife's drinking. You stated that she enjoys wine with dinner (and having 2 glasses a night doesn't make her an alcoholic). Have the 2 of you ever discussed cutting back on wine every night? Just having it Friday-Sunday? And drinking sparkling water or something else on the week nights? Discuss it as a strategy to just being more healthy? (Or is this just crazy talk???)

I just mention/suggest it b/c it can be helpful if both of you are on the same program....There was another member of this forum who went on TSM with his wife and they both successfully cut back. My husband has pretty much stopped drinking around me and that has helped with my battle. Anyway just wanted to throw that idea out there.

Hang in there.

Very interesting...I'd not heard of State Dependent Learning before. It sounds like you have good self understanding, and know what makes you tick, and your further assessment makes sense to me. Plus, you are pretty early on in TSM, so as GtG says, it's the usual bumps and disappointments that most of us go through, one way or another...TSM is hardly ever a nice straight predictable line; that's what makes it so exciting!

Thanks for the encouragement Gtg. My wife isn't much of a drinker. She's up for a couple glasses of wine once or twice a week. Sometimes that extends to three or four, but only because I want to open a bottle. I think if suddenly lost my taste for wine and it was up to her to decide, a bottle would get opened maybe once/week and part of it would end up down the drain after it turned sour.

As I've written elsewhere, for the moment, my TSM project is between me, my doctor and you guys. I don't want to tell my wife about it because of the expectations and constraints such a revelation might create.

Here's an interesting read if you'd like to learn more about it...
http://www.amazon.com/Power-Habit-What- ... ords=habit