Yes, it's a nice sort of protection for us not to let others in on our experiment. I always fear failure and having to eat my words!! But it's more than that. We need a time of safety and introspection around our drinking that we don't aways get if we have others who hold us up to our promises too strictly.

Some people have very good support at home...some only get interference...and then there are us doing it w/ just the support of the forum, which I'm very happy w/, thanks everybody! This forum is really non-judgmental, open-minded and accepting. I've seen very few cat fights here in my 9 months or so...a well-behaved group. We understand the importance and seriousness of what we are all doing...mutual understanding, and hence mutual respect!

BTW, Revert, thanks for jumping into the Forum w/ both feet and being so interactive and involved! It's great to get some new blood, and enthusiasm, and ideas...you are a good addition here.

Chrissie, I agree with you. Without this forum I would be lost indeed. I value the information and members input so much, Ive learned allot. Have not really contributed much because I feel like I'm still a "baby" at this point. As for Revert, I fully agree, she has been an awesome addition, and specifically VERY supportive of me. There is no doubt that the connection that can be gained from this forum is priceless.

P.

I think every post we all make probably is helpful to someone else, as well as ourselves. I've appreciated you, PJB, and your progress and also enjoy the visual imagery of you living on a boat, and your doggies...sounds very exotic! And now you're a runner, to boot.

Re: your doseage, 100 sounds good to me too, esp. if you're tolerating it well - you're covering your bases. At my point, I've found the extinction process is far enough along enough that when I (occasionally) drink w/o Nal (in an impetuous snit-fit of some sort), I feel the same as when I drink WITH Nal...it has built up enough in me, or clogged up my opiate receptors enough that a Big Buzz is really, really hard to get...which is a GOOD thing. I'm sure the scientists here will laugh at my interpretation of pharmacological extinction, but that is how it feels to me now.

BTW, please avoid "Nal-less Snit Fits"...NOT a good idea!

Yes, any drinking off nal is really dangerous. I am a perfect example of that. It did not take very many nights off nal and drinking to get me right back where I started. And now I've got the struggle of waiting for nal to work again.

I guess we do have to make that commitment for life eh? Let's all make sure we have a good supply of naltrexone, from whatever source so we won't have to worry about relapse.

Hey Chrissie: I see you posted elsewhere that you seem to be doing really well. I think you've pulled out in front of me on this latest lap of the race (Olympics on the brain). How's it all going?

Hi there, Tiller! Well, I dunno...you and I may be in a similar place. Sometimes I think I'm doing GREAT. But then there is still that urge to tie one one - which I still do - though they aren't nearly as frequent or dramatic like in the bad old days... Still, the longed-for "alcohol apathy" has not arrived. I'm still hopeful, and collecting "good signs" whenever possible.

Like my recent vacation: I felt totally in control! Enjoyed looking forward to Happy Hour w/ the family but that was all - no over doing it, really. Tried to the last night, but 3 beers was the most I could manage. I really felt close to "cured", and it was such a far cry from the 3 different vacations I took the previous summer, all w/ bad results, hangovers, shame, etc.

But then I came home I guess to the same old triggers and realize at week 42 the process still has a ways to go. Disturbing is the realization that I'm ambivalent about getting cured: there: I've said it. But I can understand that: I still remember the "fun" part and the awful part is no longer vivid.

I know I haven't been pulling my weight here on the Forum lately, but on vacation it occured to me that I've grown weary of being so focused on TSM and I've decided to step back for a while, and not push the river...which means restraining my torrent of words, also.

Hey, look at your numbers!

I can hear the music, can you? can you hear the beat? 2-3, 2-3, 2-3 You're nearly there!

Curi

Miss hearing about you and your progress. Hope you are doing well!

TSM @ 46 weeks is a mixed bag. Last weeks numbers look good: 9 aus and 5 AFs, wooHOO! But these numbers are not the casual "2/3, 2/3" that CuriousOne describes. Every one of my aus these days are in a persuit to get DRUNK. The "quality" of the drunk experience is not as pleasant or compelling as pre-TSM, but it seems to be sufficiently of interest that I've really been going for it. I don't know if this would be considered "spiking", or a last gasp by Lizard Brain - but it makes me nervous.

As a long time daily drinker, it was really significant when I started getting AF days and after a while they became usually every other day, depending on what was going on socially. A single AF day now is no big deal, w/ maybe a 10% discomfort level, and those are only very intermittent spasms through the evening. But a second day??? They don't seem to build momentum, no way. I would attempt one and then have a bad impulse and end up drinking w/o Nal. So recently I've been forcing second AF days by taking an antabuse in the morning to reinforce my commitment. On these second AF nights I get some discomfort bursts of maybe...as high as 30%, but once again pretty intermittent and quite bearable. But then Day 3, I'm ready to DRINK. Am I evolving from a Daily Drinker to a Binge Drinker???

Last night was a planned drinking day and I figured it would be okay since we were meeting friends for dinner. I asked the waiter what kind of beer they had and he mentioned the seasonal offering of our local micro-brewery. He started describing it as "somewhat fruity, and STRONG..." I said quick-like, "yeah, I'll have that!" Gulped it down pretty quickly and had another. I was really disappointed that no one else at the table wanted a third drink, so I didn't, but the way I felt was sadly like pre-TSM...really wanted to keep drinking. Since we had concert tickets next I was safe for a while but after the concert went home and had 2 more beers, late at night. Not good drinking behavior, not the ideal I'd envisioned for week 46.

So you see, very mixed results. Still - ABSOLUTELY - way ahead of my life a year ago! MUCH more control. But this somewhat recent return to old feelings about drinking and wanting to not quit - is troubling. A scaled-back version of pre-TSM. I don't look forward to my planned drinking days w/ that old pre-TSM fervor - I used to be practically drooling, 'long about Happy Hour - but when I DO drink, I'm trying to take the bit in my teeth again.

I hope this is just a phase - sound familiar to any old hands out there? In the meantime, I'm very pleased w/ all the AF's and think the sequential days will probably get easier. Also, I plan to increase the Nal to 75 mg., as per reading Travis' recent email from Dr. Eskapa.