I just read your response to Poink concerning the up regulation effects. Have you considered adding an entry to common experiences concerning this?

Also, I think my sleep is back to normal, at least this week is. I sleep about 7-9 hours a night. I wake up normally. Thinking back the sleep issue seems to be about three months.

Take care!

You're getting there Hess, both on the TSM and the life change fronts. It may feel like slow motion at times but it IS motion!

Hi all,

I've neglected my Weekly Progress thread over the past few weeks, so I thought I'd check in. I'm still kinda stumbling through the 20-40 range with my weekly totals, and this past week was especially high because I was partying on the Cape with a bunch of buddies. It was an aggressive weekend of (poorly played) beach football, questionable Ukrainian women, bar chants, sunburns, fried seafood, and Lebron James sh*tting all over the Celtics. The entire weekend was a bit blurry, but at no point did I get out of control, and I can think of several instances on Saturday night where I was really struggling to put down drinks.

There was one moment during the weekend that bothered me a bit though. A friend from NYC and I were catching up, and he suggested that I "should come down to the city and visit...but you can't get blacked out when you're down there. You tend to be a drunken mess, you know." I told him that I was getting my sh*t together...but I wasn't sure who I was trying to convince. I then proceeded to get pretty drunk, which made me feel like Rob in "High Fidelity" when he gets called out by Ian for creeping around his apartment...

"I've stopped all that now."
"But you were there this morning."

On a personal note, I'm still making moves for a new job in Chicago. I really need a change of scenery, and I think a new environment would be the final push I need to get my boozing sorted out.

For the first time since I've joined this forum, I've gotten very behind on others' threads (I would estimate that I read 99% of everything that is written here) so I've got a lot to catch up on.

I hope everyone has a great week. Thanks for reading!

-H

Riding out the plateau with you, Hess. we'll get there. Keep peddling.

Just checking in Hess and I know exactly what you mean about convincing others ... or yourself? about the changes you are making. But you ARE taking control of your drinking and step by step getting there. I think there's just so much guilt associated with ever having BEEN a drunken mess that we sometimes feel like we will never be able to live it down...thankfully, people do forget eventually

Hi all - I checked in with Tiller's thread and it reminded me that I've been neglecting mine.

The combination of vacation and thesis work has pretty much turned me into a carcass, so I haven't been able to be as supportive/active as I'd like to on the forum. There are a lot of new threads that I want to catch up on, but it looks like I'm in for a few more weeks of craziness*. Once everything settles down, hopefully I'll be able to dig in and get back to posting regularly, since participating on this site was a big part of my initial progress.

*I turned in an incomplete thesis project after staying up for 72 straight hours trying to finish it. My grade reflected this, so my advisor and I applied for an extension. Goddamn procrastination. Also, I'm running a 13 mile obstacle course this weekend, and I'll be overseas next week. Gah!

The past few weeks have been a bit up and down. My volume of AF days has really fallen off, which was due to a few factors, including stress. This should ease up a bit, since dude-on-the-couch moved into his own place at the beginning of the month, and he'll be tied up with his medical residency for the rest of the summer. I've also been a dumbass and drank without Nal on a handful of occasions, so I need to stop getting overanxious about when I can drink.

I suppose the big week to focus on (which may look alarming in my signature) was last week. A bunch of friends and I rented a house on Nantucket for the week of July 4th, so I was drinking pretty much all day, everyday for a week. It was an awesome vacation - I met a lot of hilarious people and I escaped with no blackouts, a mild sunburn, and an extra 5 lbs of grilled meats in my belly (just in time for the obstacle course!). One thing I found that helped me keep my sh*t together was to stick to light beer when we were at the house, and break up drinking sessions with walks and meals. This prevented me from flying off the handle before we went out at night, which is what I used to do during these trips*.

*Last year, I was literally blacked out for 4 straight days. I had almost no recollection of being on the island. Ridiculous!

I typed up a recap for an email chain this morning, and there is one incident that I would like to break down here. I do this for two reasons - 1.) it shows that I can still be a complete dumbass 2.) it shows that if I had put myself in this position in the past, I would likely be dead or incarcerated. Also, I haven't really done any storytelling on the forum lately, so here goes...

-When the bars spill out, [friends] and I have all sorts of trouble trying to get a cab. In my drunken state, I decide to take matters into my own hands by trying to open the door of a Verizon truck that is parked in a lot by the street. It opens. I hop in and pull the move where you look for the keys in the sun visor. No dice. I pull this same move on a truck parked next to it...and find a key. [friend] is just hopping in the passenger seat when I try the ignition. VRROOOM. We exchange a look with each other that is equal parts excited and terrified...actually it was the exact look that Rob Dyrdek and Big Black exchange when the mini horse they just bought starts whinnying and sh*tting in the back of their car. "WHAT HAVE WE DONE?"
- I am fumbling to put this thing into drive, and keep turning on the windshield wipers. Eventually I get out of park, and lurch this truck about 8 ft. forward. Thankfully, in a divine moment of realization, I decide that this is an absolutely terrible idea, back the truck into its spot, and we hop out. Upon further reflection the next day, waiting another 10 minutes and paying $34 for a cab was probably a good trade-off for grand theft auto.

So you see - I am still a moron. But make no mistake, had I been drinking like I normally did a year ago, you better believe that I would have drunkenly piloted that beast all over the island. Idiot.

In the overall scheme of things, I have been out of the stage of being a huge, blacked-out liability for awhile now. I still drink too much, and I still drink too often...but this is a phase I am much more comfortable with compared to the way I was last summer. I still have a long way to go to transition to the type of drinker that I want to be, but I will get there eventually.

Concerning non-booze-related news: after weeks of interviewing, I am a finalist for the Chicago job. So that is extremely exciting!

I hope everyone else is hanging in there. Thanks for reading!

-H

Well, Hess, that's quite a week you had. I have very DIM memories of my days on the Cape too. Many years ago - I was always the drunk one somehow that the others had to carry around...how I managed to stay alive and relatively safe is chalked up to my Guardian Angel!!!

But you are noticing differences in how you act, how you feel, and what you can remember - all that is great news!!! Good luck with the Chicago job!!

wooHOO! I know you would like a change of scenery & a fresh start and Chicago sounds like a great location: beautiful, sophisticated, and plenty going on, yet sensibly "midwestern".

I've missed your posts - you are good at expressing yourself and have a definite younger perspective that I enjoy. It sounds to me that you are doing okay w/ TSM & life in general. I agree w/ you that you will get to where you want to be w/ your drinking...Nal on!

In the overall scheme of things, I have been out of the stage of being a huge, blacked-out liability for awhile now. I still drink too much, and I still drink too often...but this is a phase I am much more comfortable with compared to the way I was last summer.

Yep, there you go. I'm about there

Hi Hesster and thanks for your post in my Weekly Progress. You're right about the Whole30 challenge and drinking. And yes, I am really responding very well to the shut down of endorphins with naltrexone - sooooo happppppyyyyyyy about that

As for being AF for the entire 30 days - yeah, it may not be realistic but I'd like to be AF as many times as it naturally seems right. We'll see!!!!

Glad to see your posts and hope the job in Chicago works out.