Hey Tiller,
Thanks for your support over there I hope you're doing well this week. I know what you mean about being of two minds - am I just coasting in a good TSM-way or am I about to lose control again and need to step up my game.
I think what's made the difference for me recently (in a negative way) is that I've gotten into old patterns of thinking about booze and its place in my life. I've been resenting the fact that I can't drink loads and have fun in the same way I used to before, and that the consequences are worse. This means that I do it less often (good) but end up feeling deprived and then "indulging" sometimes in a hard way (bad). I think I really need to start thinking of TSM and harm reduction as a GOOD thing, not just "what I have to do because I'm screwed up". Does that make sense? Anyways, hope that helps if possible.

Ditto ditto ditto... It's like the yin yang thing, left side says yes right side says no. Eventually the right side starts to make more and more since giving the TSM a chance to win. I truly believe we will all be winners!

Smiles, Zip

Hi folks:

I haven't reported for awhile except to say in other people's threads that I seem to be in a plateau. I'm in an on-again off-again pattern of light or AF days followed by a 5-6 unit evening. Generally feel blue and discouraged the day after and pledge a new resolve. But the following day the craving or anxiety gets the better of me and I stop by the liquor store. Most of the time I restrict myself to a half pint of vodka or bourbon. There's no question that when I stick to a beer diet I keep things under control far more easily.

I'm torn between just letting the thing ride -- extinction bursts! -- and applying more willpower. I think the second plan is better. I've been letting my guard down too much. There's no question that on the heavy evenings I'm trying to escape some life struggles (to that end I'm seeing a counselor again, which helps).

So it's one foot in front of the other with a sense guarded optimism. Heavy Fuel's recent success is a real inspiration, as is Chrissie's. Staying the course!

Oh Tiller, I agree HF is VERY inspiring, but I don't think I'm much of a role model at this point. Once again, I seem to be in a place similar to yours: when I DO drink, it's too many units. I was feeling discouraged this morning (after 5 last night), but I reassessed and have come up w/ this:

My decision a while back to never drink 2 days in a row has been very, very helpful. I've now been AF every other day for 16 days, and that has really built my confidence! But then I still blow out about once a week, despite my knowing that the first two drinks are really pleasant, and I should stop there. I KNOW this, but press on and I think it's habit. So this morning I decided I will set a goal of units for the drinking days, rather than careening into them mindlessly. Maybe I can assess my "discomfort level" when I quit @ 2 or 3 and find it's not that bad, and I can give up the "excess" habit.

This is a way to bring some more will power into my TSM program, and not too much to ask of myself. I still rebel when I try to do 2 AFs in a row, so I'm going to not push that for now, but instead work on moderating the drinking nights.

That's my plan and I'll (try) to stick to it

Ditto Tiller!

Chrissie I do admire your modesty, you are a real inspiration!

I don't know what to think lately. Every time I try to have an AF day I end up too stressed out then wind up overdoing it. There really hasn't been anything that stressful going on I do it to myself. Kinda self sabotage. One HUGE thing is, I know I am much more self accepting than I have ever been. Waking up in the morning feeling greatful for the promise of a new day!



Smiles, Zippy

Hey Tiller,

I'm still hanging in there with you, even though my plateau has been more like a seemingly unending series of hills.


I can relate to this as well, but what I've found really helps is if I string together a few AF days immediately after the post-binge binge (aka The Monday Meltdown). This makes it easier to clear your head, and it's my hope that having these good feelings from sober days act as incentive to not overdo it the night after a binge. It's such a tough pattern to get past though, as I still struggle with it. We're so used to using booze to blur away feeling like sh*t because of booze. Strange creatures.

Let's keep moving forward.

-H

Yeah, this morning I felt so great since yesterday was AF...I sleep so much better and I just wake up, all systems GO! So...if that is such a great feeling, WHY doesn't Lizard Brain get addicted to that feeling instead of the booze-related endorphins?

WHY, Lizard Brain, WHY???

hi tiller.

i totally hear you on the plateau. i have been super busy and seem to only have time to occasionally lurk and see how everyone is doing these last few months. i also think i haven't been posting because there's just not a whole lot to post. just hanging in there. wondering if it's as good as it's gonna get. frustrating somewhat, but i'm still a whole lot better off than i was last year at this time. i think a little more willpower could be a good thing and i'm trying it myself. my goal - under 16 units per week (i've been bouncing between 16-22 for awhile now).

onward and upward or in our case, downward.

i'm off to give the cured newbies some virtual high fives.

Hey Tiller - just wanted to check in and see how things have been going for you lately.

Any new dispatches from the plateau?

-H

Thanks for asking, Hess.

I've been traveling and visiting family, so it's been a tussle with some reliable triggers. I've had the usual days of control and the days of overdoing it. Still avg about 22-26 units per week with one AF day. Sometimes two.

At times I get discouraged at the plodding place I'm in. Have the usual "is this really working for me worries?" I'm a long way from being disinterested in alcohol. But I'm also a long way from the path-to-hell I was on before trying this method.

Last week I had a glimmer of the feeling like I might be about to turn another corner. It was an interesting sense of calm and optimism. But then I didn't!

Generally, I remain determined to see this through to control. I need to keep on track with moderation techniques, exercise and generally working on the life struggles that contribute to the curse.

How's U?