My actual plan is to start TSM a week from now, after we have moved to our summer digs, but I'm so excited about it that I can't wait to start a thread here. I've been completely dry since December, but don't want to be dry forever, only in control, so I intend to give the method a really good shot (pardon the pun!) over the next several months. I have my wife's support in this, which should be a big help.

My drinking, mostly wine, was WAY excessive, 2-3 liters of wine a day, which figures out to well over 100 units a week. Solitary drinking, sneaky, almost always while driving, lots of lying, lots of domestic strife, some physical consequences that are fortunately reversing themselves.

Surprisingly, staying dry the past five months was not all that hard, though seven years of struggling with AA and other abstinence programs before this yielded essentially no success. Guess this time I finally decided for real that I had to get my act together. The reason I'm going to try TSM, though, is that complete abstinence is leaving me only sorta happy with life. I want to be able to enjoy that glass of wine with dinner, or that cocktail on the patio in the evening, without losing control and climbing back on the booze merry-go-round.

So I intend to drink intentionally, with NAL, perhaps 2-3 times a week, only in acceptable settings and only when I'm not troubled by any negative emotions, for the next six months or so. My goal is to never exceed 4 units per session, and try to stay at 10 units or less a week. Along with NAL before each and every drinking occasion, I intend to keep working on better ways to deal with my head issues; it's crystal-clear to me that failure to do so in the past was at least as important as the endorphin thing.

I attended my last AA meeting today, at least for the next several months, and have shared nothing there about my TSM plans. Doesn't quite meet their "rigorous honesty" standard, but I could see no benefit in trying to sell TSM to that particular audience. It took me awhile to quit rejecting the whole 12-step concept because of the parts I strenuously objected to, but in the past few months I finally realized there's a lot of good stuff there. Common sense, in many cases, but then maybe not all that common or there would be more sober people. But if by the end of the year I can tell my AA and SOS friends "Thanks for your help and support, you helped me back on my feet, but I've now found a way that fits me better," it will be a very good feeling indeed.

Watch my progress here, and certainly feel free to share your thoughts on my adventure.

Ellpee
Pre-TSM: 100+ units per week
Weeks -22 to 0: 100% AF, 60-70% happy
Week 1 of TSM: TBD

Hi Ellpee,

Best of luck to you with your endeavor to get back to drinking socially. You have some very reasonable metrics, and I have a feeling that this is going to work out really well for you (no jinx).

I'm also curious to read about how you feel after your very first drinking session following five months of sobriety - specifically whether or not the alcohol makes you feel euphoric, relieved, gross, or some combination.

Keep us updated!

-H

15 years of AA makes me want to scream "DON'T DO IT!!"

15 years of being unable to remain abstinent causes me to say "Go for it".

I am starting this journey after a short period of abstinence. I can get sober but cannot stay sober. And the "sprees" become more and more harmful.

If I were sober and thought I could stay that way I would never consider TSM. If I were sober and thought I could stay that way...WOW.

For some (20%? 50%? 78%?) this thing works. It might be our best chance.

I say go for it. Just be as careful as you can. Don't engage in unsafe behavior as you go. Look into harm reduction. Do whatever it takes. As we said in AA: It takes what it takes.

Good luck my friend. Am right beside you.

My thinking at this moment is that abstinence and sobriety are two different things -- certainly related but not identical. There are sober people who are not abstinent, and abstinent people who are by no means sober. AA would agree with the latter, though not with the former. My launch date will be the 18th, if I choose to have a drink or two that day; that will be our first full day in our summer place, which is supposed to be the "laboratory" for my TSM attempt. We'll see how it goes. During my few months of AF I've repeatedly told myself and other people how good it feels to get up each morning without having to lie, apologize, or hate myself for what I did the day before. Part of my TSM goal is to hang onto that no matter what. If by next fall I'm not drinking and living in a way that preserves that feeling, the last five months have at least taught me that complete abstinence and 70% happy is way, way better than my life when I was pouring it down every day.

Hey Ellpee and welcome,

A couple of things that I learned early on after a bout of abstinence and then drinking with Nal. Take the Nal, eat something, then drink. Have a goal on how much you are going to allow yourself to drink in one setting and then don't exceed it (sounds like you already do). Nal doesn't come with a siren and hand cuffs, it only gives you the control to stop drinking but if you want to you can get as drunk as you please. The extinction process takes time, if you are a binger like me you may have trouble stopping the first few times, be prepared and be careful.

Good Luck!

Eric

Well, the TSM ball is rolling, and Week 1 has been interesting.

Remember, first of all, that I'm coming off a 150-day AF run in search of a return to moderate, completely controlled, social drinking. At my boozing prime I was well above 100 units a week, mostly the cheapest wine I could find, although in a pinch pretty much any hooch would do.

Also, note that my first week of TSM was also my first week at our much-higher-altitude summer home, and as was the case last year, the climate/atmospheric change has made me feel somewhat "off" -- morning headaches, easily tired, not much of an appetite.

All that is to provide background for this:

Day 1 - AF (but I had sneaked a couple no-NAL nips the day before, the Old Ellpee still alive and kicking in there somewhere).
Day 2 - AF
Day 3 - 1 unit; had a vodka tonic with spouse, started it before dinner, finished it after dinner, but it really didn't interest me all that much, and I definitely didn't want a second one. Certainly seems too quick for NAL effect, possibly just about my "offness"?
Day 4 - AF
Day 5 - 1 unit; had a beer at a Mexican restaurant, and again it didn't hit the spot nearly as much as one might expect, and no reorder. When we got home, didn't even like the lingering beer taste, drank a soda to cleanse my palate.
Day 6 - 1 unit; had a beer at home with dinner, liked my brew better than the Dos Equis but still no great thrill and no desire for another.
Day 7 - AF. Had a set-to with my spouse over, I confess, some less-than-gracious remarks/behavior on my part, and as a result felt really irritated. As I've opined already, sobriety ain't just about the alcohol, so I decided it would not be a good day for a Nal + AL adventure. The good news, of course, is that I CHOSE not to drink in those circumstances. Won't say it didn't occur to me, strongly in fact.

Reading back over that, I guess it's pretty boring compared to some posted stories, but I wanted to share it for the benefit of anyone else out there who's thinking about what I'm doing, i.e., drinking my way UP from total abstinence to a reasonable level I and everyone around me can be comfortable with. I have no idea where it will go from here. I'm thinking I need to give myself another week or two to let me start feeling relatively normal physically, so I can be more certain that what I'm feeling while drinking is just that, not some unrelated physiological thing. Also need to try out TSM with wine, my old favorite (good wine, though, no more of that $5 a gallon stuff), and maybe with some nice liqueurs, which I used to really enjoy over ice from time to time. Beer was fine in my younger days, but at my age one or two is like a full meal for me, never mind the intoxication part.

Enough rambling for now. Good luck to all of you out there; I read the latest posts a couple times a week, and will chime in on other threads whenever I have a thought that might be worthy of your attention.

Wow, what an impressive start! I mean, your reaction to the Nal, and also rational decision making. You hit the deck w/ moderation, as you had panned. Particularly impressive is realizing it would be best to not drink on the day w/ the spat w/ your wife...well done! You sound very Grown Up (which I still aspire to)

What a great start! Try to hang on to that pattern. Supposedly it's not how much you drink that causes this to work, but simply the failure of released endorphins to find a landing area. Seems like as long as you drink something after taking the nal, the less the better.

I have had several periods from a week to 11 months of sobriety in the last few years, but absolutely no belief that I was through with alcohol for good. I hoped that I was, but never believed it. If this works for me...Quite simply, it will give me a future.

Hang in there, and stay strong. Keep us posted.

The beat goes on. Week 2.1, wifey wanted to try a Mojito, one of those relatively recent drink fads that we never got around to due to my boozing. Had one, not really a taste I care for to be honest (NAL, or just my fussy taste buds?). Had considered a glass of Lambrusco as a followup -- only red wine fit for human consumption as far as I'm concerned -- but here I sit with a very light head buzz from the one drink and no real desire for more. Out of practice, I guess, but I ain't askin' no questions, it's what I SAY I want: for one or two to be enough. Might note for the record that so far I've had no nausea or other obvious side effects when I've taken NAL. I took it every morning for about six months before I got serious about getting sober, and had no problems then either, or was too juiced all the time to notice or care! Perhaps I'm one of the lucky ones who won't have to deal with that downside.

More news as things progress.

I started Nal after maintaining pretty good moderation for a few months. I am having a quick honeymoon similar to what you are experiencing. I had already (almost) kicked my heavy drinking urges to the door, as did you, so its not surprising that they didn't suddenly resurface - especially with the nal - despite what AA says about the only path being... well, you know the rest.

I am personally very empowered by my ability to ratchet back my drinking and drug use all on my own. I see nal as the final little evidence-based piece of the puzzle. Hopefully!