Hi ellpee,

Seems like you have the right approach. After abstaining for 7 months, I started drinking without Nal - that very quickly got me 're-addicted' to why I drank in the first place.

So please make sure you stick to the Golden Rule - taking Nal 1hour before drinking, everytime you drink.

Andy.

Hi Andy,

I was glad to see you posted - I know we've all been wondering what decision you made and how it went. I guess you collected some data that you need to crunch now...thanks for keeping in touch.

Hi Chrissie,

I'm just re-reading all of my old posts and I have to decide if I keep drinking with Nal, or give up entirely. Being sober for 7-months made a massive difference, and Nal didn't stop me from losing control on my Binge on Saturday.

Einstein famously said, "The definition of Insanity is doing the same things over and over again and expecting a different result."

Once I start I cannot stop. I will surely blackout on my next big binge... if I have one. That's what I have to figure out.

Thanks for your support, Andy.

Andy,

I am sorry this turned out the way it did. I hope you can work it out with your wife.

Hi HF,

Things will be OK with my wife, I guess she's just scared about what will happen if there is another blow out - so her default reaction is now, "Let's get a divorce."

The problem is, I don't think I can guarantee there will be any more blow outs...

Off to see our marriage counsellor tonight. Tomorrow night I'm going to the local group therapy meeting (not AA).

Pretty tired of it all to be honest - and still feeling exhausted from my blow out on Saturday.

I appreciate everyone's concern. This is the only place where I don't feel judged for my behaviour - so thank you.

For now, I'm not drinking until I have figured out what to do.

Hi Andy - thanks for following up.

I'm really sorry to hear about this, and I can relate to how exhausting all these problems can be.

Is there any chance your wife would be open to giving you another chance to try TSM for a few months? If I recall correctly, you didn't have any huge slip-ups during your first round on the medication - the only exception being the time you got banged up at the pub and forgot to call her...which I would consider as pretty mild compared the epic benders you've put yourself through when you drank off of the medication.

I feel like going back to another shaky state of sobriety is just going to put you at risk for a big one. Why not pick back up and try to continue the initial progress that you made? Is there any way you can spin that to get your wife onboard?

-H

Hey Andy --

Thanks for coming back and checking in. Been wondering and worrying about you a bit.

Haven't gone back over your thread but I wonder if you've tried a higher dose, like 100mg or more? Seems like you plow through the Nal.

I hear Hesster's point about shaky sobriety. But I also saw so much positive in your dry period and so much self-destruction when you binge. This would be a great time to sit down and do a comprehensive, written cost-benefit analysis of drinking again.

Stay in touch. We're here to help the best we can.

Good question - she's not opposed to me drinking in control - just terrified that I'll get out of control again.

Ironically, my wife went out on Sunday night and drank loads of wine with her friends. 3 hours later on her return, she vomited everywhere in the bathroom for 30 minutes. I suggested this behaviour was being extremely hypocritical. Her response? "I only threw up because I didn't eat all day as I was so worried about you."

Anyway, marital issues aside (probably the underlying reason for my binge drinking) I'm certainly not drinking when away with work - the only think I need to figure out is if I will keep drinking (in moderation) with Nal at weekends and special events. I'm really torn and haven't yet figured out what to do.

If I give up alcohol now "for the sake of my marriage" I'll absolutely end up resenting this within a few months...

Tiller - good point about 100mg. I thought about this myself as an option. But the reality is that I wanted to get really drunk and had no plan to stop at 4 or 6 beers, I just kept drinking and drinking.

And of course a whole truckload of NAL isn't going to fix "I wanted to get really drunk." For me at least, the questions would be WHY I want to get really drunk -- REALLY, now, no BSing myself -- and HOW is getting really drunk going to fix that beyond masking it for a few hours, and what else might I do instead to deal with it, and is that something I can do all by myself or do I need to admit I'm in trouble and reach out to someone? Just hope I can actually DO all that when I hit the TSM launch button next week. Talk is cheap, they say.