Hiya Keke. Yeah, you and Electra and some others on this forum definitely have it rougher than the rest of us due to the severity of your nausea and sensitive tummy's. Poor Electra still throws up many months into her treatment!

I want to inject some hope though... all that sneaking about and other dysfunctional behavior like replacing a downed margarita with grapefruit juice (Criminy, that reminds me of when I was 14 and replacing my dad's rum bottle with ye old agua) and hovering over the last wine at your recent get together..... man, all that conniving and manipulation will surely pass!!! That stuff is stemming from the alcoholic in you and NOT FROM YOUR TRUE SELF. It is my belief that it is that undeniable craving in our brains that causes all that preoccupation regarding booze which then perpetuates actions like you describe in your recent entries.

Hang in there... that way of behaving will pass. And one day you will revisit your thread and gasp in disbelief (horror?) that you actually did any of it!

I literally wince at what a mess I actually was..... whew. Thank God that girl is no longer running the show!

Keep on keeping on Lady,

Ketchikan1

Hey K -- Showing some really positive results there. You'll likely find yourself trying a variety of combinations over the course of TSM -- AF days and etc. But your immediate results and your spirits (excuse the pun) are looking good!

Just chiming in with suppport. I also find that nal really highlights the sedative properties of AL for me, so it can be a bit annoying to go out and get so tired in a social situation. But hey, it's better than overdoing it. It sounds like you are still engaging in the bad behaviours but are thinking about them - which is the first step! I'm confident that soon you'll stop sneaking AL

EE, Til, Ketch, Stic, and everyone who is sending support, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you! Alcoholism is such a lonely disease. It brings tears to my eyes to read such positive and encouraging words. I've been reading through lots & lots of posts trying to find similarities and have come to the conclusion that I am going to have to work the TSM program in order to determine if it will work for me. I cannot determine this by other people's responses but I sure am grateful that it works for most to at least sooth the savage beast.

Week 3 - Spent Monday & Tuesday AF. I couldn't sleep Tuesday night, but had tea and woke up feeling pretty good yesterday. In fact, I think I might be in a bit of a manic state. Drank last night after taking just under 25mgs of Nal (I looked for the smallest 1/2 tablet in my supply) and drank around 5 drinks. Still sneaking a bit, so hubby thinks I only drank 3. Mildly hung over today. Wine doesn't even sound good to me, so I am sticking with the Skinny Margarita's. I get the skinny because you can buy a 750 ml bottle as opposed to a jug. I am trying to plan this weekend and I think I'll try wine on Saturday. Perhaps I won't drink as much if I don't really like the taste!!! I can't decide if I want to drink tomorrow. Who am I kidding? If hubby wants to take me out, then I am going to pick a place that serves hard alcohol. Is that drool going down the side of my mouth? Man would it be nice to not have to worry about drinking too much. It is what it is and this is why we are on this site. Gotta go make myself productive. Hugs to all, Keke

Pre TSM 35 weekly units, 1-2 AF
Week 1, 12 units 4 AF (12.5 mgs)
Week 2, 17 units 3 AF (12.5 - 25 mgs)
Week 3, 5 so far 2 AF

Hey Keke, sorry to have missed your thread till now.

Everything you're saying sounds fine, including the bit about the drool! Nal takes time, and while some people are lucky enough to have a honeymoon period others don't but still come out OK. It's alright that you're craving it, hiding a bit of consumption and looking for the smallest 1/2 tablet - actually, it's quite common. As long as you follow the golden rule, Nal + 1 hour + alcohol "to taste" then there's a very good chance [some 75%] that it'll work for you. I still have cravings for the euphoria of being sh*tfaced, but they're not usually fulfilled any more because it [the booze] just doesn't work any more to get 'nicely' off my skull; over time, those cravings are diminishing as well as the fulfilment.

Ok, I talked myself out of taking the Nal......I think I just figured if I was going to drink, then I might as well enjoy it. Also, I felt that it was making me more tired than usual. ......that was a couple of months ago. Another drawback is that I was diagnosed with Fibro & given vicodin which I can't take with NAL. It should be ok, since the only time I take it is when I have a severe hangover or need a boost at the gym. Also, the pain seems to go away in the summer.
Now, after getting down in the dumps again AND not having my usual energy level, I realize that the alcohol consumption is probably contributing to my low energy levels and depression (insert light bulb). It is a lonely state of affairs when you don't let anyone get close because you have a drinking problem. I have no (close) friends and have a tendency to suffer in silence. I'm afraid to talk to anyone about the drinking because I am sure they will either suggest AA or judge me unworthy. My hubby, just doesn't get it. He seems to be a good enabler though. He says he will support me in anything I want, but when I ask him to remove the alcohol, he just hides it where I can find it. I know this has to be my problem, but I think he is worried that I'll run off with someone from a support meeting and that he enjoys me being so dependent on him. I have researched rehab facilities, attended a lifering meeting, volunteered for a alcohol medication study that involved abstinence, and considered going to AA, but decided to come back to this method. The study coordinator did say she would help me to find a doc I can work with since I don't qualify for the study. I am going to REALLY, REALLY try and stick with this. I know it will be a long journey, but I am encouraged by the success stories. I skipped Pilates this morning to post, because I know that no amount of exercise will counteract what I am doing to my body with the alcohol and that this needs to be my top priority.......I am in desperate need of a support system and welcome all comments. Thanks to all! Keke

hi Keke, and welcome. I know you joined...several years ago, and then started again in January? Have tried AA & have your family's support...at least, I HOPE I got all that right! Anyway, I'm glad you decided to give it another go, and hope to read about your progress on the TSM adventure!

Hey Keke, please let us know how it's going for you.

Ok, so my computer logged me in under kekede today. Here is my latest update; Still drinking without the Nal so that I can get the pain pills out of my system before going back in full force. Also, I need to dig into my psyche to find my happy place and get this depression under control. BTW, I think the depression is the cause of the physical pain, not Fibro. The last couple of weeks have been a wreck psychologically speaking. Menopause with it's accompanying hormonal fluctuations is not helping. I made an appointment with a psychiatrist and am waiting for my visit to talk to him about the Naltrexone and/or other medication to ween off of the juice and to assist with the depression. I feel I need to be accountable to someone other than myself. Why am I so afraid of taking the Nal? and why do I isolate myself so much? Heaven forbid anyone know the truth about my struggles with alcohol and depression. And why am I so afraid of not being able to drink anymore? I'm not sure what I will do if the doc won't work with me on the Naltrexone, but I wanted to make the appointment under the premise of depression, so that my insurance would cover a portion of the visits. I seem to be in a downward spiral and I can't seem to dig myself out. I am pretty close to admitting myself into a rehab, but can't seem to make that final step. Crying a lot, but still hanging in and hoping TSM will be my salvation.

On the plus side, I have dumped some wine and skinny margarita out after finishing 3/4 of a bottle, just so my hangovers wouldn't be so bad. Now, I am drinking light beer and Mike's with the goal of not drinking as much. It does help, but I couldn't sleep last night so I ended up taking a sleeping pill with four drinks at 2 am. I don't feel too bad considering....My son woke me up to say he got in an accident (he is away at college) I guess I am counting my blessings that everyone is OK and I am cognizant enough to deal with his car problems. Yes, he only calls when he needs something, but it is nice to be needed. This forum is my therapy today. Next Tuesday is my schedualled shrink visit...Thank you for listening and I am hoping for peace of mind for all....Love, Keek

PS....I'll be reading a lot of posts today, so chime in anytime!

Hey Keke: How did the appointment go? Let us know what your plans are going forward.