Yeah, me too. I think it's because I slept like crap for SO many years. I've even cut back on my various sleep aids - down to one Valerian, which is some herbal thing, whoda' thunk.

Now, THAT'S way cool, and nicely put. A very big milestone, indeed!

Well, now that alcohol is no longer the Big Concern in your life, and is no longer wagging the dog, you can put your energy into more productive matters, such as beer bellies and careers. Your path sounds VERY good, and I'm happy for your progress.

Hi HF - that first sentence sounds a lot like something a "normal" drinker would say. You're in an awesome place, and I wish you the best of luck with all of your other endeavors. I imagine the HF from 7 months ago wouldn't believe these would be attainable goals. That is incredible progress, and you've earned it.

You're almost there.

-H

Congratulations HF

It sounds like soon you will be on the "cured" list. Good for you!

Cheers
Sticky

Thanks, everyone! I am feeling much better and optimistic. I appreciate your good wishes. Coming from those who have been where I have it means a lot. Most people have no idea of what any of this is like.

I was thinking about the word cured today. I can take alcohol or leave it. I have rules I follow. And limits to what I will and won't do. Before, I had little control. If I drank, I was getting drunk. If I didn't drink, I tasted alcohol. That's gone.

Right now, I feel I am in between the raging alcoholic and the normal guy. It's going to be interesting to see how long it is before it's done.

It is so cool where you are, and wonderful that you want to go lower. Very inspiring.

Thanks for your help, and stay strong.

Hi HF - sorry to get off-topic here, but I was thinking about this statement a bit after getting about 11 hours of sleep last night. I too have noticed that my level of energy after work has been somewhat low, and my overall time spent sleeping had increased dramatically once I started piling up AF days. I was trying to think of why this might be the case...

1 - We're compensating for years of sleeping like sh*t due to alcohol-induced slumber (as you say).
2 - I used to get super excited about drinking after work, as it was my big reward for struggling through the day. My level of energy was always high because I was fired up to feed the addiction and stay up til 3 am on weeknights watching sh*tty movies on HBO.

When we don't have something to look forward to after work (or "the witching hour," as it were) I have to assume that we just default to wanting to get some extra sleep...perhaps after winding down with some tv or a book. I've also noticed that I'm especially sleepy on the days after a binge, because when I binge I'll generally stay up super late and be a carcass the next day.

Have you considered charting your sleep schedule to see if you can find any patterns? I'd be interested to see, as my modified sleep experience has been similar to yours.

-H

Hi, Hess! Last night I crashed some time around 11 PM. I was rudely awoken by a relative who likes to call and rape my ear with useless bs. Older people are funny like that. I even slept through a minor earthquake! (not kidding on that)

It's like this constantly. If I go to sleep at 9PM, 6 still seems way early. I could sleep 12 hours. This has gone on for about a couple of months. It has really increased since I started doing more AF days. As my consumption had fallen previously, my sleep improved. The major differences started in December. I didn't note this as much on my records, but I mentioned it in this thread.

Since the beginning of the April, it's been really picking up. I feel better for it. The other thing is how bright white my eyes have become. There is no red or dullness to them anymore. It's like the lights are back on. I am going to start charting my sleep on a separate sheet. If you don't mind, I'd ask you to do the same. I wonder how many other people have similar experiences?

I am done. I really don't care one way or another about drinking. Drinking is just something I do from time to time. The more days I rack up as AF, the less I really care about drinking. So, overall, I don't really see where my numbers will change substantially going forward. I expect this week will end around 10-12. That's control because it is holding for weeks.

I will still count units, as I think all TSM'ers should. The spreadsheet has provided continuing insight into what is happening with me. I will also carry naltrexone with me forever.

Beer just taste bad. It’s kind of sad, really. I used to enjoy beer, but over time that passed. I guess the Emperor was right when he said, “Let not your mind run on what you lack as much as on what you have already.” I have what people sit in the “Rooms” for a life time and never find: peace. So, as you can see, there are other areas for me to work on and explore. But I will be doing that drug free.

The thing I love about this outcome is tonight I will be drug free. Tomorrow the same, all the way until I choose to drink again. Notice the word choice? That’s the key of TSM over the other methods, everything becomes a choice. Take the pill, don’t take the pill. Drink, don’t drink. All choices.

So. I guess I will be PM'ing Q in the next week and putting a thread in the Cured folder. I will probably update this thread, but not as often. I can feel the real need to move on. It’s important to do just that: move on. We cannot dwell on the past we must move forward.

I’d like to post the full verse of my favorite poem. I am still not through running this race, but this part of my life is done.

Invcitus

Out of the night that covers me,
Black as the pit from pole to pole,
I thank whatever gods may be
For my unconquerable soul.

In the fell clutch of circumstance
I have not winced nor cried aloud.
Under the bludgeonings of chance
My head is bloody, but unbowed.

Beyond this place of wrath and tears
Looms but the Horror of the shade,
And yet the menace of the years
Finds and shall find me unafraid.

It matters not how strait the gate,
How charged with punishments the scroll,
I am the master of my fate:
I am the captain of my soul.

W. E. Henley

Congratulations, HF. I've finally decided to add my name, too. So much of what you wrote above matches where I am. Thanks for posting your journey and congratulations, again, for making it to the other side. We will always nal on!

Cool beans, HF! Its always a shock to read those "I'm cured!" words, but a GOOD shock, and inspiring. I can just hear commencement music playing in my head, for you and Nipit...