My week ends tonight at midnight, but the count isn’t going to change. I drank 10.45 units as follows: 0, 0, 2.85, 2.85, 4.75, 0, 0. I squeaked into ULMD, if one counts the “no more than five units in a session.” As far as I am concerned, I am going to set my goals follows: no more than 24 units per week and no unsafe behaviors. If I want to sit home and drink a six pack watching the game, I am not going to care as long as my week is less than 24.

This is a bit of modification of my goal, however, I am finding it may not matter anyway. I am gaining more and more control the more I try. I am four days sober this past week. Every day the alarm went off, I chose not to partake. Every day I had a choice: I have nal and I have beer. Sitting here now, I could take the pill and drink in an hour. I don’t have any desire to do so.

I am not sure at what point one regains control. For three weeks, I have limited my consumption by initially deciding to exercise control. I could have rocked on drinking low thirties. But, I decided at some point, I have to take responsibility and move forward.

When should I PM Q and ask to be put on the regained control list? I don't know, but I think I am very close. Next week will be one month of controlled drinking, but two weeks are still above ULMD. I only have one week that meets the criteria I selected. I realize I rejected that earlier, however, that’s for week to week and to take some of the nagging worry from me.

Overall, I am feeling better. My mind is becoming sharper and I am beginning to push and dream. I am plotting my freedom strategy. Now that I am on the upswing and functioning better, it’s time to push the grad applications and preparations to buy a practice. Life is better.

I am tired a lot. I don’t understand why, but I am sleeping 10 hours. It’s just strange. That’s what I have noticed most through TSM is the change in my sleep. Some say they cannot sleep without alcohol, I seem to sleep better on my sober nights.

This hasn’t been easy. I have been depressed and very discouraged along the way, but it’s worth it. I sit here tonight, with absolutely no drugs in my system. No alcohol. No concoction of bacoflen, campral, and anti depressants blurring my senses and replacing alcohol. Nor am I tasting beer and fearing when I drink again.

I will always have problems. Or disappointments. But this time I damn sure am not going to start drinking to hide. I did that. The outcome sucked. Now, I am facing the world sober and unafraid.

Beyond this place of wrath and tears
Looms but the Horror of the shade,
And yet the menace of the years
Finds and shall find me unafraid.

It matters not how strait the gate,
How charged with punishments the scroll,
I am the master of my fate:
I am the captain of my soul.

Wow, HF.

What a great and inspiring update. You worked so hard to get where you are and the payoff is fantastic. Way to go, man!!

Oh man, that is fantastic. You are young, healthy and have reclaimed your life...hard-fought, and much deserved. However...PLEASE don't call yourself cured just yet, though, as I'm afraid you'll quit posting as frequently, which I would miss very much! You always have something relevant to contribute. No, really, I think you'll know when it's time to write that "cured" post, and VERY soon.

I am really happy today! I made it for the second, highly stressful week without drinking during the week! I had no problems doing that, despite getting stressed and hungry a couple of times. When I was hungry, I was all about a burger... and tea.

I opened a beer an hour ago. I thought I would drink it straight away, I didn't.

It's a good day!

You are a CHAMP, HF!

What a great report. You deserve to feel great, pal!

I need to really think about that one...a burger w/o BEER??? No, really that is FANTASTIC, & you've sure turned a corner!

Sweet! Those numbers are looking great HF!!! You deserve to be proud.

This week, I consumed 14 units. Half on Saturday. There is something about Saturdays. I need to start making them AF. Some notable milestones this week, this is one month consuming under 24 units per week. In fact, my average consumption for the month 15.4 units per week, with a total of 61.59. 62 drinks would have fueled a preTSM HF for 5 days…. Not 28.

Stress is high at work, I made a mistake. Pretty big, not world ending, but I am not going to take any crap off the owners either. I have about had it with their crap. There is one guy who has done all kinds of stuff that is against the employee handbook. Everything from discussing his salary (much too high) to airing our dirty laundry with our customer. To even worse. His BS keeps me hopping to keep things out of the ditch. Yet, no one does anything about him. It’s never his fault. He leaves nothing but chaos and pandemonium in his wake. It’s infuriating. I am not going to drink over it. /RANT

I am taking a night continuing education course. I think that will occupy my time a bit more. I thought it might get me ready for graduate study. I haven’t taken a formal class in years, and there is a bit of an art to it.

I keep trying to get my work out started, but I just don’t have the energy. I still sleep a lot. I don’t know why. I almost wonder if it’s to make up for all the time I lost drinking.

Anyway, I am so glad I kept my spreadsheet. It’s actually comforting to look at now. I know exactly how much and when. Although, there was a period on the wine I was estimating based on measurements. One of the good things about bottle beer is I only need keep the bottle top. Tells me everything I need to know….

Hope everyone else has a good week!

Looking good, HF!

Thanks, Tiller! I feel like I have turned the corner. The more I am AF, the less consequences I am suffering from when I drink. The ADE isn't really happening anymore. I think most of my drinking at this point is because it's what I do at certain times/places.

Now, I gotta get this beer belly gone! A grad degree under my belt and buy a nice little practice somewhere. It's the simple things in life.