Hi Hess

Your 6-month recap is awe inspiring to read. It seems to me that the positives far outweigh the negatives. Having all that alcohol around the house and not drinking it - I don't think I could do that!

Your dude fridge so reminded me of the wee fridge I had when I was a flight attendant in my 20's and lived alone in the unit I bought - it contained several bottles of nail polish, a small loaf of Vogels (NZ bread), cheese, a mixer or 2 and a small bottle of trim milk. Note no wine - that lived in the wine stand or got drunk. Never any leftovers that I remember. Just lots of duty free purchases (both wine & spirits) that did not need refrigeration. Some of them were supposedly for the man in my life at the time, but I expect I drank more than my fair share! But I must add that those years were lots of fun. I used to feel grateful that I didn't realise I had a problem with alcohol until I started living with my to-be husband, in my early 30's. I admire anyone who gives up/cuts down in their 20's when everyone else is still partying madly. Of course not everyone else is partying madly, but we alcoholics like to hang out with people who drink a lot.

Anyway, enough reminiscing. Keep up the good work - you are doing great and deserve every succes with TSM. I look forward to reading more of your progress.

Cheers
Sticky

Thanks for the kind words, all.

I won't be able to do a proper recap this week, as for some reason I didn't track my units on my spreadsheet. It was a particularly heavy week, so I'm going to estimate a total of 45 units (with 2 AF days). Some of my best friends were in town this weekend for a buddy's birthday and our annual Fantasy Baseball draft, so everyone was looking to get a bit surly. This was typically one of the biggest weekends of the year for me, so I knew I was going to be in for trouble.

Friday night, I made a brief visit to the BOC, which was somewhat discouraging. In the past I would ride that wave to epic levels of drunkenness, but this time I was somehow able to shut it down, and actually ended the night of a good note by devouring pizza at 4 am instead of crushing a case of Yeunglings as a night cap. Saturday we had a delicious dinner at one of the best tapas places in Boston, and hit a piano bar with the force of 10 drunken dudes on a mission*. I was tanking Beam and Cokes (as I have been having powerful cravings for whiskey lately), but thankfully the drinks were so small that it was difficult to get supremely drunk off of them.

*At least 5 of us didn't have a place to crash that night, so let's just say that my request of Eddie Money's "Take Me Home Tonight" was particularly appropriate.

Sunday began with a lovely walk of shame. I met up with a few other buddies for lunch (they had just finished their own, mutual walks of shame - Jesus) and we managed to get from Boston to Providence just as the baseball draft was starting (people were not pleased with our fashionably late arrival). The draft was a complete sh*tshow, and we celebrated our mediocre fake baseball teams with an ill-advised trip to a legendary local strip club. I ended up getting borderline BOC there (which is extremely dangerous, as a strip club is not the place for a wily alcoholic to be let loose), but didn't do too much damage to my wallet and actually managed to shut it down again once we got home. I woke up this morning feeling like complete and utter garbage. My house is a disaster, I look like hell, and I didn't set my clock correctly for daylight savings time, so I didn't even bother showing up late for work (I very, very rarely work from home, and it is almost exclusively if I'm hungover or jet-lagged or both).

I'm trying not to get too discouraged, as things are much better than they were 6 months ago...but I certainly felt like I was drinking compulsively this weekend. I'm just riding the rollercoaster right now, and in the end, I'm gonna be okay. This upcoming weekend is St. Pattys, which is typically one of the biggest three weekends of the year for me (it's not everyday that I get to celebrate this pasty complexion), so I'm likely looking at another week of high totals. Lately, I've been realizing that I very rarely go into these types of social situations with any sort of plan (i.e. a drink limit, sticking to strictly green beer), and I've read countless threads on this forum that strongly advise using a game plan in addition to TSM. I think that's the next step I need to take to get over the hump and through this "blah" stage of treatment.

I hope everyone has a great week. Thanks for reading!

-H

Hi Hess

Sorry to hear you felt crap after the weekend. You're doing better than me though! I'm still trying to figure out what a baseball draft is - maybe a tournament with teams of friends who don't normally place baseball? I do know all about St Paddy's being part Welsh, Scottish & English. It's big in NZ. Hope it's fun without the BOC and that you're feeling better.

Cheers
Sticky

great 6 month recap! so much detail and self-awareness. if i had posted one it probably would have read "i drink less...and that is good". i can already see your 1 year recap - also full of great info, but with a the words "I am cured" at the end.

you've come a long way baby!

Hi Pep - good to see you back on the board! I hope you stick it out with us, and I'm really hoping that my 1-year recap contains that magic word.

Sticky - Fantasy sports are very popular here in the US. Here's how Wikipedia describes Fantasy Baseball...

Fantasy Baseball is a game where participants manage an imaginary roster of real Major League baseball players. The participants compete against one another using those players' real life statistics to score points. It is one of the most commonly played fantasy sports games, and is arguably one of the most difficult and time-intensive due to the 162-game season of the MLB and the inconsistency of players.

We have an in-person draft every year, and it's a lot of fun to have a bunch of friends in the same room drafting their teams, drinking beer and busting balls. I usually have terrible teams because I don't do any research, but this year I actually put some work in and have upgraded my team from "terrible" to "middling." It's gonna be a long season.

I know you've been struggling a bit lately too, but I urge you to keep going. You've been so committed to this program, and you've been a great source of support for me, personally - like a Kiwi big sister.

-H

That's the attitude, you have come far! Don't you dare get discouraged, we have to look at the good. After all this is what gets us over the hump on that rollercoaster ride. You are gonna be ok!!!

Smiles, Zippy

ha, ha - I can relate: I describe my own coloring as "Snake Belly White"...

I must admit I enjoyed reading your post for the pure entertainment factor, and making me feel GLAD my bar-hopping days are long behind me, tho' I was never very wild. And my alcohol excesses these days tend to be more in the nature of too many beers while I'm knitting

But seriously, you must be going through an extinction burst that we all know is just part of the ride. Remember, it's making you BETTER in the long run. TSM is demanding its dues, and you're payin' up. Still, TSM has schlepped you lots of GREAT progress, very encouraging.

I think you're doing a really good job w/ tracking...posting... & contributing MUCH to the forum, thanks Hess!

Chrissie

Hi Chrissie!

I definitely feel like I'm going through an (unfortunately prolonged) extinction burst right now. Yesterday, I binged until the wee hours*, drinking an awful combination of flavored seltzer water and tequila, and I literally got zero enjoyment out of it. I didn't feel any pleasure or relaxation or relief. I just felt sleepy, depressed and intoxicated.

*Goddamn drink to get over a hangover trigger. Although I did find this YouTube video of an adorable girl doing a ukulele cover of "Super Bass." That smile is just heart-melting.

It's like my brain is trying to ask me, "Look, you don't even enjoy this anymore...at all...so why are you binge-ing?!" Instead, all I have to show for my "undesired behavior" is exhaustion and a hangover. The Nal is rewiring my reward system correctly, I'm just being an irrational alcoholic and fruitlessly continuing to drink. I'm ready for the "eventual decline and extinction of the behavior targeted for elimination!"

-H

You're almost there, Hess, yep, absolutely. We've read this type of comment before, which is soon followed by extinction! (I'm thinking EL, Ketch, etc.) Good job, good progress, keep it up, you're getting there!

- Nip

Hey, your stubborn brain has gotten you far in life in a lot of GOOD ways (like getting through school!), so you can't blame a brain for tryin' However, you are running the show and Rational Brain is going to prevail while the extinction moves along.

Yeah, I'm at a point where one beer is quite nice (kinda like the old days) and I go on to a second or third and it just...feels...BAD. I think my own extinction process is turning a corner. This is a recent development so we'll see. The pleasure reward is getting much less reliable...still that first beer is fun. What should I be learning here? Well I become One Beer Chrissie??? I always wondered what was WRONG w/ those people, that they could stop @ one!!!

Chrissie