Hey Hess

Keep hanging in there! Am still struggling myself after well over a year, but still believe in the power of TSM. Especially for those of us younger than me (50). Keep up the good work.

Cheers
Sticky

Hess,

Just had another thought, think it's a pretty good one to pass on. Just let go, and be, it will come. For me all my dreams have come true, in time, the journey is a lot more fun enjoying the ride than struggling to make it so. Make since?

Smile...
Zip

One foot in front of the other, Hess.

Nothing like the blue funk of a hangover to make the horizon invisible. But you're making your slow and steady way.

Hi all,

Week 25 is wrapped up, and it was a very encouraging (yet atypical) week. I felt like complete garbage last Tuesday morning, after a full day of aggressive saucing on the Monday holiday. I showed up three hours late for work, and could hardly form a coherent thought. That night, I was supposed to put some work into a research paper for class, but decided to drink Jim Beam and read a book instead because I knew I would get nowhere with schoolwork. This led to a lot of procrastinating (another issue I have, though completely unrelated - I need the pressure). It also led to me deciding to keep it AF for the entire rest of the week. I made plans to see my parents over the weekend, since I hadn't seen them in awhile and knew there would be no pressure to drink. The result was 5 straight AF days and the lowest total of my TSM career: 15.5.

Mon - 11
Tues - 4.5
Wed, Thurs, Fri, Sat, Sun - AF

The lack of booze led to me getting a bunch of stuff done this weekend. I met up with one of my dad's friends to work on my throwing mechanics (he owns/runs a baseball school and is boys with new Red Sox manager, Bobby Valentine). This was one of my goals for 2012, so it was nice to put in some work. The results were very encouraging once I learned how to grip a baseball properly and changed my release point (how I never learned this, I have no idea). I also got in a nice 5-mile run outdoors, which is part of my Tough Mudder training. Sunday, I washed my car and went into the office to catch up on the work that I missed last week due to the crippling hangover.

Tiller and I went back and forth a bit about this on his thread last week, and I'll echo it here. It really helps to keep your numbers down if you can schedule some non-booze related activities during your peak boozing times (which for me is obviously the weekend). I was at a point where my progress was a bit stagnant and hovering in the high-20's to low-40's. I needed to introduce something for encouragement, and this weekend certainly helped to get me re-focused. Again, I know that this week was atypical, and I'm certainly not expecting to have five effortless AF days each week moving forward. But it is nice to know that I have another trick/tool to use if I want to keep my weekly totals down.

I hope everyone else enjoyed the weekend. Thanks for reading.

-H

Wow, Hesster, that's a really great post. You are adding some creativity into TSM, based on self-knowledge. No one knows YOU better than YOU do and as a result your progress continues.

4 consecutive AF days, impressive! My AF's are getting easier, but I've not attempted a "2-fer"...maybe this week??? Could happen...

Chrissie

Great work Hesster! I agree that sometimes just mixing things up and planning non-boozing (or at least non-booze centric) activities during your peak times of craving/habit is really helpful. The ONLY problem with doing that on weekends that I've experienced is that sometimes then, I get a little bit of ADE and end up overdoing it on a Monday or Tuesday...which logistically speaking, is much worse than overdoing it on a Friday. Stupid brains!!

Hi all,

I've finished Week 26, which puts me at the 6 month mark. Since this is a bit of a milestone, I thought I'd share some thoughts about my overall progress at this point. There have been some very positive life changes, but I still have a lot of work ahead of me.

The Good
- Objectively, I'm under 40% of my pre-TSM level of drinking. Some weeks, I'm substantially lower than this.
- I am rarely drinking compulsively, and sometimes I'll have to force myself to drink.
- I no longer have road sodas after class, which was an extremely tough trigger to get past. It used to take all of my willpower not to stop at the liquor store on the way to my car, but now I hardly bat an eyelash when I walk by.
- I can keep alcohol in the house without plowing through it. So much beer has accumulated in my fridge because I can't be bothered to drink it (it's a dude fridge, so there isn't much in there except for condiments and beer). There's a bottle of wine that has been sitting on the counter unopened for at least a month. There is a bottle of tequila that has been 95% full since the beginning of December. Unprecedented.
- The dude that steals my recycling no longer camps out in front of our house on Sunday nights to score the epic bounty that was once my recycling bin. Sometimes I would go through so many bottles/cans during the week that I would need to fill two bins. That guy loved me. NOT ANYMORE, PAL.
- AF days are more common and often very easy to get through.
- I am not showing up to work hungover every single day (more on this later).
- I rarely have eye-openers first thing in the morning.
- I am sleeping 8+ hours a night.
- Fitness-wise, I am in the best shape of my life (even better than senior year of high school when I was running competitively). [EDIT - this statement was probably exaggerating a bit, but this is certainly the best shape I've been in SINCE senior year of high school]
- I still think about alcohol a lot, but it no longer consumes me. I still love the sauce, but I'm not obsessed.

The Bad
- My weekly totals are inconsistent, and I'm still drinking too much.
- While blackouts have become rare, I can still count 4-5 days/nights where sh*t got blurry. This is nowhere near as bad as it once was, when I used to hit the BOC nightly.
- I have slid back into drinking bourbon, which has a better chance of overpowering the medication.
- I have cheated on the proper TSM protocol several times - either by not taking the Nal or not waiting the hour.
- I still have a tendency to overdo it on Sundays, which leads to me being a zombie at work on Mondays.
- My focus/productivity at work is still not where I would like it to be, and I need to seriously think about a career/scenery change once I'm done with my thesis. I have talked about this for years, but can't seem to pull the trigger.
- My nicotine use has skyrocketed, as I am dipping almost daily and regularly buying tins.

The Mixed
- My tolerance has dropped dramatically, which proves that I am drinking less but also puts me at a disadvantage during drinking games and long days of boozing with the fellas.
- My hangovers have become increasingly debilitating, which acts as negative reinforcement but completely ruins me the day after a binge.
- I am struggling to keep weight on now that I'm not consuming an extra 1000 calories in liquid surliness everyday.
- I get sick much more often when drinking, which again - acts as negative reinforcement, but is not a pleasant experience. I once had a near-iron stomach when it came to boozing.

So that's where I'm at exactly a half year into this odyssey.

-----



Yep, this is exactly what happened to me last week, EL. Tuesday we had our annual "fancy pants" dinner before the final home game for my alma mater's basketball team. I was very fired up to have some nice cocktails, and aged Goslings rum, so I indulged myself before, during and after the game (this was after 6 straight AF days).

One of my roommates from college is living with us for the next several weeks, and he tends to be up for anything...so there were a few more occasions to drink during the week(end) and the results are reflected in my weekly total. Goddamn dude on the couch!

Mon - AF
Tues - 9
Wed - 4.5
Thurs - AF
Fri - 9.5
Sat - 8.66
Sun - 7.5

Total - 39.16

I haven't been on the board much over the past several days, so I've got a lot to catch up on.

Thanks for reading, and a big thank you to those who have stuck with me and offered support over the past six months. We've got a great community here and you guys/gals are the best!

-H

Hey Hess, what a great outline of your progress so far and where you want to go.
I have to say I recognize a LOT of what you listed, both good and bad. I also feel like my tolerance is lower (and unpredictable), my hangovers are terrible, and I'm much more likely to get sick from drinking than ever before. I gotta say - I think drinking games are just something that has to go, if you are trying to limit your consumption and avoid the BOC. There's no "moderate" way to play a drinking game :/
Otherwise, I think you're right on track. I've gone back to almost exclusively drinking bourbon for months now on TSM and although it makes it possible for me to drink through the nal, I rarely do anymore anyways. So I wouldn't worry about that TOO much. If you deny yourself the drink you prefer that might end up backfiring anyways.
I'm so glad the road sodas are gone. That was worrisome!!!!

Hess:

Great and thoughtful recap (as usual). You've come so far in six months. Thanks so much of keeping this detailed record for yourself, the rest of us and the future. It's valuable.

Dude on the couch for several weeks? Yikes!

Let's keep on pacing each other on this marathon.

Yes, Hess...I agree! I sometimes get emotional these days, just thinking about the changes in my life w/ TSM, and the Forum is a big part of it. It's really like a family...only without the bad parts! Just the warm, supportive, understanding components, w/o all the baggage. Just as in recent years, I've come to really enjoy family dinners (as long as they're not MY family! )

Was it you in a recent post that referred to yourself as of "questionable maturity"? Your self-examination belies that.

It is so very, very interesting to me to read about the experiences of you, and some of the other younger members of the forum, like EL: you definitely bring a different perspective to the journey, and yet there are some overlapping feelings & experiences that seem to be universal. Anyway, I'm really happy for your progress, and appreciate your reports - you are accomplishing a MAJOR life change – early on – good job!

Chrissie