Hello, I'm Gotthegene and I'm an alcoholic.

I guess I was doomed from "day 1"; my father was an alcoholic as was my grandfather on my mother's side. I think my father's drinking started to get out of control when he was in his forties. He died when he was 64. Without the drinking, I believe he was fundamentally healthy enough to live well into his 80s. My grandfather died at 51.

Growing up in an alcoholic's home, I know all of the signs and behaviors of an alcoholic and know all too well the toll it takes on the spouse and children (me). I never ever imagined I would become an alcoholic simply because I've always been such a "light weight", occasionally drinking a glass or two of wine and that's been it for me. But over the last 10 years, the alcohol consumption has crept up. Starting with a glass or two of wine with dinner every night. I had 2 pregnancies and abstained through both but I noticed a persistent craving through my second pregnancy and once the child was born, I was happily back to my glass or two of wine every night.

Then the turning point: a trip to Guatemala with my husband (and no kids). We started off having wine with dinner (of course). Then we bought a bottle of Guatemalan rum (which changed everything) and would have a drink before dinner, wine with dinner, and a night cap of rum before bed. By the end of the week, we were drinking from lunch onward and I was having a blast with no hangovers. When we returned home, I continued with the wine and also started a relationship with rum. I knew I was drinking far too much and I had a really tough struggle to cut back. With very much effort, after two years I was back to drinking in moderation again and only wine, but every night. And that 1-2 glasses of wine had become 2-3 glasses of wine.

Then about 6 months ago, my husband and I had a party --- just a few friends over. We served wine and I drank to the point where I blacked out. I woke up in bed and didn't remember how I got there. A few weeks later, we had more guests over and I drank enough wine to black out again. I even went swimming but have no recollection whatsoever of being in the water (truly scary). Over the course of the last few months, my daily alcohol intake has increased significantly. I've become a vodka drinker and for the first time in 30 years, wine is no longer my drink of choice, it's vodka. I've blacked out several times --- on average once every 2 or 3 weeks over the course of the last 6 months.

About 2 months a go, I caught an article in Macleans magazine about the use of Baclofen and Naltrexone to help with alcoholism; wow, what a stroke of luck to see that! I went to my doctor to get prescriptions for both. He wrote me one for Baclofen but refused to authorize the Naltrexone --- very frustrating! Since getting the Baclofen, I haven't done much with it and my drinking has continued to be a problem.

Fast forward to last Sunday and waking up with yet another hangover. I will soon turn 50 and at this rate I won't out-live my father or get anywhere close. (He was a monthly binger and would dry out for a couple weeks, whereas I drink every day.) So I took the risk and ordered Naltrexone from alldaychemist, have started a diary recording the units I drink daily, and have started taking the Baclofen as prescribed. I'm starting with 15mg (5 three times a day) and will up it to 30 in a couple of days. The Naltrexone has shipped and I hope to receive it sometime next week. I've done the classic alcoholic behavior of hiding the vodka so my family doesn't see me drinking but have taken the step to ration a daily amount in a 200ml bottle to limit the amount I drink each day. My goal is to reduce this ration over time and hopefully with the Baclofen and Naltrexone, I'll actually get to some AF days.

While AA isn't my thing and I can't imagine becoming AF forever, I do enjoy AA podcasts which help to bring humor to this mess I've gotten myself into and inspiration to keep fighting for control. I've got the alcoholic/addiction gene and that is my plight. Thank goodness I live in a time with some medicine's to try --- am really worried I'd be a gonner if AA was my only option.

Thanks to all of you who have posted before me. Your stories have provided comfort and help. I'll update on my journey and hopefully can one day post as a "success story".

Yes, it's a whole new era emerging for dealing with alcohol problems. A very warm welcome to you, Gotthegene, and I'm so glad you found TSM. You tried to enlist the help of your doctor, but when that failed you persisted and got the Nal on your own - good for you. We will slowly bring the medical community along, but in the meantime, many people here are making great progress, which is measurable in a lot of different ways.

A great, honest post from you...let us know how you progress!

Chrissie

Welcome to the group! We'll be very interested to hear how you are doing with the bac/nal regimen.

You are making a big, positive decision to reclaim your life while you still have time. And your honest assessment of where you are and what you need to do is a sure sign of strength. Ask for as much support as you need and give a hand when you see someone else struggling. TSM can be a long journey but you're on your way!

Thank you Tiller and Chrissie for your replies and words of encouragement.

This forum has been a wonderful place to find; it's such a help to communicate with people facing similar challenges. Dealing with a problem like this prior to the internet would have been such a lonely, dark time. I just can't talk about my struggles with anyone around me because once it is known I am an alcoholic, people will regard me differently...and of course I don't want that. I remember what it was like with my Dad. He stopped getting invited to parties because he'd drink too much (he wasn't a fun drunk but a "doom & gloom" drunk). We couldn't have alcohol (accessible) in the house because he would drink it all. My Mother liked a scotch before dinner so it became a challenge of where to hide the bottle. My Dad was really good at finding them---even discovered the bottle in the dryer(!)

I'm just hoping I can get a grip before I slip up one time too many and the news gets out. I dread having my drinking be the topic of conversation when I'm not in the room...So I sit here with my journal and baclofen and anxiously await the Naltrexone to arrive. Fortunately I can get through the day not thinking about alcohol but when 5pm comes around---the witching hour---I struggle until I go to bed. (Just wanted to use one of those smiley faces.) It's almost 5pm now so I'd better keep busy. Thanks again.

Welcome! You're in the right place I believe. I'm really confused as to why your doc would prescribe baclofen but not nal??From what I understand (and what my doc todl me), baclofen is much more dangerous and complicated to use, due to titration issues and a high incidence of side effects. Naltrexone works for a huge amount of people and the worst side effect is usually a bit of nausea. do you feel that the baclofen is working for you right now? I guess I would maybe suggest trying nal, alone, first because it might be a better solution (and less damaging to your body) if it works for you.
Otherwise, it sounds like you're implementing all the necessary changes to get your drinking under control. I also am NOT a fan of AA, but I do think that one of their points is true - recognizing that you have a problem Is the first step.

Hi Electralou,
My doctor did not give me Nal because he said "he couldn't"---inferring he needed a special license. I strongly believe this is not the case but I already knew my doctor is not the greatest. I know I need to find a new doctor but have not yet had the time to do the research. The Baclofen doesn't seem to make any difference whatsoever---probably because I'm taking such a low dosage. Again, my doctor prescribed a low dosage with do direction to ramp it up which gives me one more reason to believe he doesn't have a clue. I'm frankly surprised because alcoholism is so prevalent; I assumed most doctors would have several patients struggling with the addition and would be on top of treatment. Once again in life, I'm reminded of the motto "assume nothing"!

No real updates or progress to report other than I see my Nal order is now in the US and now can only be a few days away. Also I have discovered the value of keeping a journal and writing down the Bac I'm taking and the units of drinks. Wow, when you add it up, I'm drinking a lot The daily journal is a must.

As for "units", I'm assuming 1.5 oz (45ml) is 1 unit of hard liquor and 6 oz is 1 unit of wine? Is that about the standard people on this forum use?

Thanks.

Hi GtG,



Indeed, the journal is crucial!

As for tracking units, the system depends on your country of origin. In the US, I believe 1 unit is as follows...

- 1.5 oz of 80 proof liquor
- 5 oz of wine
- 12 oz beer

I used this post as a source...

http://www.thesinclairmethod.net/community/viewtopic.php?f=7&t=1898

The key is to just make sure you are consistent no matter which type of measurement system you are using.

Best of luck!

-H

Hesster, Thank you for the information and the link. Very helpful. Realized I've ingested 2,660 cals of alcohol in 4 days---which means I'm drinking a day's worth of calories every three days. Holy s#*^!

Welcome Gotthegene!!!

It is a shocker when we start adding it all up hang in there with it there is hope. I remember when I was a teenager saying to myself I'll never become like my parents, well it happened. The hardest thing for me has been learning how to love myself no matter what.

I use to go to AA and decided it wasn't for me, the negativity around drinking, shame and guilt is not my style. Even calling myself an alcoholic was damaging in itself, it's almost like you set yourself up for failure. Relapses are very dangerous because you think you can't drink so if you do there's no limit, just down as much as you can until you wind up in the hospital or have to spill your guts. I don't know if that makes since, I do believe in moderation, TSM has helped me tramendously with this.

Keep up the posts, we are all here for each other.

Zippy

Yep, your story sounds soooo familiar, other than I have become my mother and I am 2 years older. I bet people look at your life from the outside and wish they were you. Little do they know the private demons we are dealing with. I just wanted to let you know that you are not alone in this struggle. AA is not my thing either, but then again, if I can't get this demon under control with the help of a little pill and a therapist (and this forum) I might just have to go that route. I wish you much success. Keke