Hi HF - thanks for checking in.

I actually found some pretty cool custom pill cases on Etsy a few months ago, and I've been intending to pick one up (they attach to a key ring). I'll get on that.

As for the Super Bowl - oh man. I have definitely noticed that others on this forum had a tough day/night as well, so even though it sucks to see everyone struggling a little bit, it's comforting to know that I wasn't the only one that overdid it. I can't imagine what that night would've been like pre-TSM.

This week has started off very mellow, so it's been a welcome change of pace.

Hi all,

Week 23 is wrapped up, and it was pretty uneventful - which is a very welcome change after the previous week's sh*tstorm. I got my total back in the 20's, and it would've been much lower if I didn't overdo it a bit last night (goddamn Grammys).

Saturday had the makings of a day-long bender, as we had another (losing - ugh) basketball game late in the afternoon. But instead, I kept it completely under control and didn't even bother going out later that night. I've definitely noticed that I'm having trouble keeping up with friends that I would normally lap. Lately I feel like I'm always struggling to finish drinks while everyone else is plowing right on through to the next round.

One trigger that I'm having some trouble with is the "late-night movie watching for no discernible reason" trigger. On Friday, I met up with an old friend from my hometown and had a few brewskis at a local bar. Once I got home, "Lost in Translation" was on (one of my favorite movies) so of course I had to watch it...and have a few whiskey drinks. Cut to 4 am, and I've taken down three Beamers and pretty much torpedoed Saturday morning. I don't know why I didn't just go to bed once I got home, like a normal person. This was a huge problem for me pre-TSM, but these nights generally happened during the week. For whatever reason, I love the solitude of boozing by myself in the wee hours.

I kinda did the same thing last night. I had a few whiskeys during the Grammys, and once they were over, I should've just called it a night since it was already pretty late and I had a nice buzz on. INSTEAD, I decided to watch "Country Strong" for the third time in two weeks (I think the fact that Kelly is an alcoholic makes this very watchable for me...also, the music is great). I really need to cut back on Sunday nights, as I'm always showing up late for work on Monday and setting a sh*t tone for the week.

I dosed responsibly, so at the very least I'm putting in some extinction work on this trigger.

Mon - 4.33
Tues - AF
Wed - AF
Thurs - AF
Fri - 6.99
Sat - 7.32
Sun - 9

Total - 27.64

Thanks for reading. I'll leave you this week with my favorite performance from one of our fellow fallen soldiers in the battle of addiction. Such a shame.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Df5aaUbRx_s

RIP.

Time to catch up with everyone else.

-H

Heya Hess!

I can totally relate to cutting back on the weekends, it does start you week out in a mess. I really had a high week last week even with 1 AF day and starting this one out with 7 drinks yesterday. I came down with some kind of virous last week and it's kicking my a**. I'm home from work for a couple of days gonna put in some effort for AF days this week.

Thanks for youtube of Whittnay what a shocker and so sad.

Zip

I share the "late night tv watching trigger". It just feels so good to finally be alone and watch something I want to watch with a drink (or two or three) in hand. The experience is so pleasant until you wake up the next morning. Thanks for sharing.

Just wanted to quickly mention that I picked up a pill case key chain to make sure I have Nal on me at all times. It's made from a lug nut by a dude in Austin, and I ordered it off of Etsy.

Check it out.

That is so cool! I will be getting one for my husband, he'll love the uniqueness. Thanks for sharing.

Hiya Hess

I love "Lost in Translation" too. You're the 2nd person on here who's mentioned "Country Strong." Must get that on DVD or Sky TV. There was a movie years ago starring Meg Ryan as an alcoholic. I bawled my eyes out all the way thru it!

It's very sad about Whitney. So beautiful and talented. I also feel sad about a beautiful young woman who died recently from my women's AA group. She struggled with drugs too and her partner was also an addict. She knew she should break up with him but obviously couldn't and hung herself. I can still picture her sitting in the meeting with her daughter on her lap. I am lucky I am still here and so are my kids and long-suffering husband.

It's great to hear that you are lagging behind your drinking buddies. TSM is working slowly but surely for you.

Cheers
Sticky

Hi all,

Week 24 is in the books, and it was a heavy one. In fact, I am vicously hungover right now as I type this. One of my roommates from college was in town for the weekend, so we really got after it. I'm pretty sure we drank for 12 straight hours yesterday*, and I am paying for it dearly. I'm a twitchy mess and I can hardly see straight.

*We were up in South Boston and opened a local bar at 11:30 am, drank through the bartender's entire shift and didn't leave until the sun went down. I have no idea how we got on a train and back to RI in one piece, but I have a vague memory of getting cut off at the bar in South Station. Jesus.

Despite being a drunken disaster, my TSM resolve is still strong. I'm citing Ketch's pending addition to the Cured List as my inspiration to keep moving forward and to remember that this treatment "takes as long as it takes."

I also uncovered a new trigger this week. I'm traveling to Copenhagen and southern Sweden for a wedding in July, and booking the trip was super exciting...so exciting that I felt compelled to have a few brewskis while devouring travel guides on the area. I haven't been to Europe in 12 years, so I am really looking forward to this.

Saturday night was a bit interesting. For some reason I was super nervous about talking to girls at the bar we were at, so I decided to start tanking whiskey to get over my reservations. This is notable because I was drinking compulsively and finishing drinks at a rapid pace. I didn't overdo it or approach the BOC, but I haven't drank like that in awhile...so I'm hoping it was just an extinction burst.

Mon - 3
Tues - 3
Wed - AF
Thurs - AF
Fri - 10.32
Sat - 11.66
Sun - 12.5

Total - 40.48

40+ is too high, and I was drinking with pre-TSM abandon over the long weekend. I've been in this "blah" stage for over a month now, so it has been somewhat dispiriting and my progress has been a bit stagnant. I feel like I'm alternating between high weeks and low weeks. Regardless, I'll continue to keep dosing responsibly* and hopefully something will click.

*I got a chance to use my key chain yesterday to pop an emergency Nal since I felt like I was getting a bit out of control. I can't say the additional dose helped much, but at the very least I didn't get sick like I did a few months ago when I double-dosed.

Oh man, I am struggling today.

The TSM'ers were very active over the weekend, so I've got a lot to catch up on. Thanks for reading.

-H

Heya Hesster!

Tough day, sorry to hear. I like your pill nut It's pretty cool, manly of course! It does seem like the more we drink the worse it gets, and for me all I want to do is forget the pain and feel better. So I'll end up drinking more the next day saying what the hell! Now I realize this is not a good answer, because, with this in mind, when does it end then? You'll be ok, try to do something you like to do or something that makes you happy, biggie is just take it easy on yourself.

Ups and downs are normal, so is being stuck in a rut, what's hard about them is when we start to doubt everything. Regardless of those doubts keep on the beaten path with the faith and hope you had when you started. The time thing doesn't matter, one of my favorite sayings is "no expectations ~ no disappointments" You are right where you should be. Sooner or later it will turn around, something will happen to give you a little nudge to let you know, right on! Keep up the good fight...

Zip

Hi, Hesster! Sorry to hear your week was high. You seem to be bouncing from high 20's upwards. High 20's means you aren't far from the ULMD.... which is good.

When you mentioned you drank through the bartender's shift without dosing additionally, it seems you drank for 12 hours or so. Did you eat?

Hang in there, the blah's pass. It just seems we get stuck in them coming out. It's like doing addiction in reverse. It's bound to have a high suck factor....

Take care!