Hi everyone
Thanks for your replies and encouragement. Warren - yes my post-holiday resolution is definitely to have more AF days than drinking days. As I've been busy the past 2 weeks that hasn't been hard. That stopping at 1 or 2 isn't easy for me though. Last night I only had 3, but I was so tired from sleeping badly the night before that I fell asleep as soon as I climbed into bed. But more often than not, especially with the fewer drinking days, I will have too much and feel crap the next day. Ketch - your experience sounds similar. At this stage for some of us it is either drink more often but fewer drinks at a time, like EL, or have more AF days but not necessarily be able to stop at a few.
These past couple of weeks I've not thought too much about alcohol. There is definitely less of an obsession than there used to be. I feel really pleased about this - it's more "normal." There haven't been any benders where I've vanished, either in my car or on foot, for months now and I truly hope that is a thing of the past. I've had hangovers of course but haven't had to have any "sickies" for months either. In that sense I'm back to being a reliable mum, wife and business partner. Hubby is happy he can have alcohol in the house without me getting all panicky and is glad he can drink comfortably around and with me. I'm no longer anxious about people visiting or coming for dinner when alcohol is involved. That is HUGE because before that for years it impacted on our social life. I often felt nervous in situations I used to previously enjoy the most because I had to abstain. It was bloody hard!
I still get a buzz out of drinking and rarely wish I was getting more of a buzz.
But I'm still far from declaring "regained control" because I still overdo it. Something EL said struck a chord with me. Something along the lines of - "if this is as good as it gets, I'll be happy with that." That's how I feel at the moment too. I've been wondering if I'll keep going to my womens AA meeting. Am getting frustrated that I can't tell everyone about TSM. I told a couple of women who are constant relapsers, but now they are going into treatment AGAIN so I said it wasn't the time to be talking to them about TSM. These women are bright and capable, but their lives are f****d because they relapse. They can't get paid work and one of them hasn't seen her 9 year old son for 18 months. So sad! CADS, our Community Alcohol and Drug Services is where I got my last script with special authority which makes nal free if I stockpile it and get my repeats on time. A woman from there rang me recently to see how I was going. I told her I'd be keen to promote TSM. She said they do tell people about it, but I got the impression they generally prescribe nal to reduce cravings and advise abstinence. Apparently that works for some people, but it certainly didn't for me. Maybe I could write an article for a newspaper or something?
Does that answer your question, Ketch?
Must dash
Sticky
Week 1: 1,8,AF,3,AF,AF,3.5 total 15.5,3AF Week 2: AF,8,8,AF,AF,4,8 total 28, 3AF
Week 3: 4,8,AF,8,AF,5,AF total 25, 3AF Week 4: 16,AF,8,7,AF,10,AF total 41, 3AF
Week 5: 7,12,8,AF,8,AF,8 total 43, 3AF Week 6: AF,5,12,AF,AF,8,AF total 25, 4AF
Week 7: AF,14,AF,6,AF,5,AF total 25, 4AF Week 8: 8, AF, 12, 12, AF, 1.5, 1.5 total 35, 2AF
Week 9: 12, AF, 10, 2,AF, 10, AF total 32, 3AF Week 10: 9, AF, 10, AF,1.5, 6.5, AF total 27, 3AF
Week 11: 12, AF, 14, 3.5, 1, AF, 7.5 total 38, 2AF Week 12: AF, 8 AF, 9, 2, AF, AF total 19, 4AF
Week 13: 8.5, AF, 9, AF, 12, AF, 14 total 43.5, 3AF Week 14: 7.5, AF, 8, AF, AF, 9, 9 total 33.5, 3AF
Wek 15: AF, 9, AF, 9, AF, 9, 10 total 37, 3AF Week 16: total 34, 2AF
Week 17: total 32, 3AF Week 18: total 34, 4AF
Week 19: total 33, 3AF Week 20: 32, 3AF
Week 21: total 38, 3AF Week 22: 29.5, 4AF
Week 23: 34.5, 3AF Week 24: 36, 4AF
Week 25: 30.5, 3AF Week 26: 29, 3AF
Week 27: 22, 4AF Week 28: 33, 2AF
Week 29: 24, 4AF Week 30: 23, 4AF
Week 31: 19, 5AF Week 32: 29, 4AF
Week 33: 29.5, 3AF Week 34: 20, 3AF
Week 35: 35, 2AF Week 36: 20.5, 3AF
Week 37: 30, 3AF Week 38: 16, 5AF
Week 39: 32, 2AF Week 40: 23, 3AF
Week 41: 27, 3AF Week 42: 24, 4AF
Week 43: 37, 2AF Week 44: 29, 3AF
Week 45: 24, 3AF Week 46: 25, 3AF
Week 47: 29, 3AF Week 48: 25, 3AF
Week 49: 26, 2AF Week 50: 26, 1AF
Week 51: 20, 3AF Week 52: 25.5, 3AF
Week 53: 23.5, 4AF Weeks 54 - 56: 25, 3AF
Week 57: 30, 2AF, Week 58: 35, 1AF
Week 59: 16, 5AF, Week 60: 20, 4AF