Hi there, HF - just wanted to check in and say hi.

I find it kinda interesting that you and I started TSM at about the same time, and have been experiencing parallel stages of treatment. I am definitely with you on this slow/kinda tedious dip on the rollercoaster ride. Good on you for not trying to push the process, and I think your list of goals is gonna be a great way to further distract yourself from saucing.

I have a personal list as well, and it's remarkably similar to yours (although instead of reading the classics in their original tongue, I'm a sucker for biographies of musicians from the 60's/70's...not quite as ambitious). Having been through the grad school process (and trying to finish up this Spring), I know what a pain in the ass that can be...especially when you're simulaneously working full-time and trying to get back into the "class" mindset.

You seem like a bright dude, and have clearly done a lot of research on the various institutions. Having a few options certainly helps, and I have no doubt you'll make the right choice.

Best of luck to you, buddy.

-H

HF - I love the list of goals! Just don't let them be another reason to beat yourself up.

Making the most of the current situation and finding the best of what you can where you are is smart stuff. As you and others have said so many times, this is a long-haul trip. But things are changing for you and I predict the numbers will start to slide before long.

Make sure to toss some of that Latin at us (with translation) along the way.

Bonus fortuna!

(I looked that up)

Hi, all. I have been plugging away the rest of the week. I ended up with a good case of bronchitis, (a negative outcome from years of smoking) which is sort of fortuitous. While I may feel absolutely awful, I have to take cough syrup. Why is that fortuitous? Well, my friends, it has codeine. I don't want to take naltrexone and codeine at the same time, as I am sure the interaction would prevent why I am taking the codeine. So, as of yesterday, I am AF/nal free. And probably will be tomorrow. So, I got an AF day by default. Just not sure I should count it. I am consuming a narcotic, however low the dosage is. There isn't enough in it to even give me a buzz.

Now for the good news: the lack of alcohol didn't bother me. In fact, there is an open bottle of wine on the table. I don't have any cravings, and it isn't being sick. I normally drink right through being sick. No cravings. I wouldn't have known if I hadn't gotten sick. And the codeine isn't why: I am only taking it at night because I couldn't sleep from coughing. It's the nal.

The funk is lifting, too. I think it's a matter of perspective. It isn't enough to get what one wants, it is wanting what one has. To be content and allow events to flow as they should and choose wisely from the choices the universe presents. Those are making more sense now. And I am finding I am fortunate.

I read Strugglings thread in Introductions. He is two years free, but had to use bacaflen to free himself. I am finding increasing evidence I won't need to. Doesn't mean I won't have further binges on my way to a year, but it's the little things like drinking tea at a bar without Captain Morgan or Sailor Jerry in it!!!

I hope everyone keeps making progress. The road is long.

Sorry to hear you are sick, HF, but what a silver lining! Sometimes we just need a swift kick in the behind to realize that we can have an AF, I guess!

Hi, everyone! Been a bit of a sour puss lately, but I have noted something. At the 5-6 month mark, many of us seem to go into some kind of a tailspin. I think I know why I did.

It's simple. I became lackadaisical about the timing. Simply put, I was subconsciously shaving time off the one hour waiting period. I still took the nal, but since I changed phones, I didn't have the alarm set at a safe time. I found I was drinking at about 40 minutes. Not that it should matter much, but it seems to for me.

For example, yesterday, I consciously did everything I committed to: nal one hour before drinking, dinner before drink. Total consumption 2. Tonight, I have reset the alarm, but ended up on the phone before eating and I am at 4. But will not drink anymore.

My answer for what is happening to me is I was eroding my controls. I bet tomorrow night, I will be back to two.

Yo HF:

You know what you need to do. Wait that hour.

But here's a suggestion: take the nal then go do something that takes more than an hour. Fill up the drinking time with other stuff. Maybe you do this already, but six months on is a good place to start slowly introducing just a bit more will-power. Give the wrench another quarter turn. Doesn't have to drive you crazy, just move you incrementally toward control.

Just a thought. Whatever you do, wait the hour. You've made a ton of progress, which is easy to discount when in a sour mood. You're making it!

Hi, all! Units for last week, 32.71. My all time low! So far this week, 25 units – my weeks end on Tuesdays. I may or may not beat that number. That’s the crazy part about TSM: I feel like I am riding a roller coaster. Up and down.

I am working on my goals for the year. I couldn’t have done this without lifting the fog. I am looking back at my diary and musing, I was so hung over most of the time. I was probably operating at about half of what I could do because I was so tired and hung over.

A few years ago, I was discussing “being sick and tired of being sick and tired.” I understood what they were saying. I just couldn’t face up to the aftermath of what would happen if I stopped. I could stop. That I could do, but another thing one of them said was, “my addiction is in the parking lot doing pushups.” A colorful way of saying his addiction was building, which isn’t quite true. His addiction wasn’t growing more powerful, but should he decide to drink, he would drink without any control at all.

I am finding this is the case with my AF days: I drink more the day after. To counter this trend, I am incorporating ElectraLou’s suggestion of moderation methods: never get hungry, never drink on an empty stomach, and pacing the drinks over time.

This week, I am adding trips to the gym to improve my physical fitness. Time to fly a little better than I was before. I think this will moderate some of my consumption, as it did when I was drinking without naltrexone. I would drink and find that I couldn’t meet my goals of three miles on the treadmill, so I would try to taper back or at least make sure there was enough sleep between drink and work out. I think this will end up happening again. Besides, it’s something that doesn’t involve drinking.

In short, in addition to TSM, I think there must be a lifestyle change. We all speak of the will power, which is all well and good, but willpower means we are still putting alcohol in the center of our lives. If we obsess, then it’s a kind of stagnation. I think as the obsession, or cravings if you prefer, fades, the natural order is to move along with something else.

I have been trying to follow everyone’s threads. It’s comforting to see everyone progressing along. Ketchikan1’s dream job. EL, Tiller, Hesster’s progress. Andy and Katie’s abstinence. Wishing everyone good luck!

Hey there HF - as always, another very thoughtful post.


I've found that this has been a huge help for me as well. It's pretty tough to work on your fitness if you feel like sh*t every day, and by hitting the gym after work, you'll take a pretty serious chunk of time out of your "witching hour." That's really helped me control my weekday drinking.

Congrats on hitting your lowest total yet - you're cruising right along, and you seem very mentally prepared for the rest of the ride.

Best of luck, buddy.

-H

Hi HF! Jst catching up with your progress.

Sounds to me that you are very much on track. Don't give up now as poor Daiken wants to do at the sixth month mark. I believe that this is a crucial time when your brain will attempt to make a last ditch effort to keep the patterns of alcoholic tendency in tact which very well may lead to excessive drinking, binge drinking and overdoing everything you are working to keep balanced.

This recovery is like no other, that's for sure. There is no set time that you can count on when you know that you'll reach the finish line. And you are right when you describe TSM as a rollercoaster ride. I can't tell you how many times in sheer despair I wrote, "Up, down, up, down." There was a period, and it lasted for several weeks, at about my 7th month that my unpredictability was the only thing about my drinking that I could predict! My last great binge took place in that 7th month. It was downright brutal and ugly.

It has never been that extreme since. Thank God!!! Thank Science, really!

Forward now! Straight ahead: Move.

I'll meet you on the cured list in no time at all!

Sincerely,

Ketchikan1

Hey HF,
I totally agree with your statement: "In short, in addition to TSM, I think there must be a lifestyle change. "
I think that when I started TSM I hoped I could just move that one little part of the puzzle - the fact that I drank too much - and kept everything intact. That has not been the case. Guess what, staying out at a loud bar until 4am really isn't as much fun if you're not drinking lol. But what is great about TSM is that it lets you come to this conclusion on your own. Your hand isn't forced into thinking drinking and everything associated with drinking is BAD - you just realize that perhaps your likes, dislikes, and priorities have shifted a bit. I still enjoy drinking. I just easily make more time for other things that AREN'T drinking as well - the gym is a great idea HF. I find I rarely drink on the days where I work out, and 1 drink if then.
Don't give you - you are TOtALLY making progress!!