Congratulations Ketch! I'm in my 11th month as well and I can really identify with your comments:

"Here is the conclusion that I have reached: When Nal has done its job neurologically (and well it should have given that I am currently in my 11th month), it still took an additional resolve and determination on my part. It is requiring a daily comittment from me to choose to carry on within the boundries (confines?) of sobriety. It is getting ever easier as the thought of getting drunk would simply sabatoge all that I am doing here."

Personally I'm just starting to get my drinking down to where I want it to be. Even though I noticed an improvement from the very beginning, it is only now that I'm realizing clearly that Nal is simply allowing me to make MY OWN decisions regarding drinking. As you mention, it still requires resolve and determination, it is just that Nal puts the ball back in our court in terms of taking charge!

Hi Ketch,

I love your formula that includes determination and willpower...(only) after patience. It is so wonderful to see you take this huge new leap forward in your TSM process. The fact that it took being in a job where you were determined not to slip into old patterns to let you experience your new "muscles"...well that's opportunity meeting 11 months of preparation in my view.

It kind of reminds me of algebra...PEMDAS is it??...in which it is so important to do the tasks in the right order. Maybe for many of us, we cannot really access willpower--over our addiction or anything--until after a certain amount of time spent developing other qualities, namely patience, resilience, and loving ourselves no matter what, through thick and thin (and shots of jaeger ). All those months of getting up, falling down, getting up again--you have shown everyone (and I hope yourself) that you've become stronger and wiseer with every setback. These qualities will now be with you forever, in every aspect of life!

You've worked incredibly hard to get to this point and I hope you're savoring the beautiful rewards of living well and enjoying YOURSELF to the fullest. You'll be up there on the "cured" list this year--no doubt about it.

Stay warm,

Deja

Awwww thanks Deja! Nicely written! And thanks NJ guy and all of you for keeping up with my thread. It means alot.

Well, I finally have a full day off tomorrow, so tonight I am going to get my drink on! I have been very disciplined and had to get up at 4:30 am this morning in order to get two camera crews/talent out the door to head to Prudoe Bay. I did have 4 beers last night, well-- nearly 4 beers, I fell asleep drinking the last beer so didn't quite finish. So 5 beers total in 8 days. That is what I call total success, my friends.

This happened though. Christ. One of the production vehicles was overheating so Sunday night the production manager asked that I follow behind our lead (professional) driver so he could assess what was going with the temperature in the F150. Fine. No problem. I got in the drivers seat of a 2011 Ford Explorer (also a production vehicle). Now, the driver that I followed lives in Fairbanks and knows the town like the back of his hand-- so what does he do at 8:00 pm and in -45 degrees? He drives like a bat out of hell on country/dirt/snowy/icy back roads! For a solid half an hour I did just fine keeping up with him. Then the SUV I was driving fishtailed not once but twice and that scared the hell out of me. I slowed way down. As I took a curve I was just going too fast and I totally slid right on top of a 6 foot high snow enbankment which stopped me from completely rolling the vehicle. The SUV was on it's side though.

I climbed out of the passenger door slightly shaken and extremely pissed off. I mean... really? A Florida girl driving on ice? Really? The tow out cost me $190.00. That part we kept to ourselves. Only the pro driver, the tow truck operator, me and now you knows how badly I slammed into the snow pile. The damage to the explorer is a gaping hole in the front left bumper and not the headlight but the light below it was knocked out. Oh well. Shite happens.

You know, I am all about personal responsibility and owning up for all I do, intentionally and otherwise. But I swear to God, had we not been on back stupid roads and had we been on the expressway instead, the night would have ended much differently. Of this I am sure. So I am somewhat bitter about the choices made by the lead driver. Pretty reckless if you ask me. Woulda, Coulda, Shoulda.......

Now the exec. producer and the prod. mgr. call that explorer "crash-coot-bandit" after some video game..... whatever.

Other than my ego being horribly bruised I am loving this gig! Enough to make better choices regarding the drinky-drink.

Tonight I party!!!!

Cheers,

Ketchikan1

P.S. I must say, I am LOVING being able to start vehicles without having to blow into that trecherous box!!!!!!!!!!! Freedom is just about the best thing on earth!

Ketch, I am just catching up on your thread now and oh my god, am I happy for you! It sounds like you've really turned a corner. I agree with what you said and others have echoed - that nal doesn't give us the willpower to stop drinking, but it gives us the choice to ACCESS that willpower, once you strip away the addictive mindset. It really sounds like you are doing great. I hope that the job keeps being great (that car situation is terrifying - I HATE driving in snow, I'm convinced there's no safe way to do it, and I'm from the Northeast...). Good luck and godspeed!!!
EL

Hey Ketch

I started posting you a reply early yesterday morning, but hubby woke up & had other activities in mind, if you get my drift!! So 24 hours later you've posted again. Firstly, I too am so very happy for you that the job has given you the impetus to cut WAY down on the booze. WELL DONE!! I personally don't envy you working 10-13 hour days in -37 deg, but it sounds like you're really enjoying it and the long hours have helped you put willpower into place and drink like a "normie."

That car accident sounds really scary, but at least you weren't drunk. Try not to feel too bad about it - they shouldn't have expected you to do that at high speed. I have never driven in snow myself. Only a couple of times I've been driven in a vehicle at very slow speed going to a skifield.

The idea that willpower is the last piece in the "regained control" puzzle I think is very true. Since hubby & I are officially back at work tomorrow I will be attempting to use a bit more of it myself.

Thanks for kind words and support on my weekly progress.

Take care
Sticky

Hi Ketch, sounds like you've definitely rounded a corner to me. Good on you. The subtle effects of long term Naltrexone are coming to their inevitable conclusion. Keep up the good work and inspiration to others on this board.

Howdy Warren!!! What a great surprise to see your message! Thanks for checking in, with many newcomers joining this forum, it's nice to hear the imput from an old-timer. I hope that term doesn't offend! Nor do I wish to offend any newcomer-- I am very happy that our treatment and board grows in numbers!

Yes, a definite corner has been turned. The habituality of my drinking began creeping back in and within the last three days I have had a total of 25 beers. More than I wanted that's for sure. After a lengthy spell of completely AF days, this brain of mine wished and chose to revert to old patterns. BUT, last night I noted a big difference in my drinking. There was no drive to get hammered and smashed, nor at any time did I feel out of control. I simply watched a movie where Gwyneth Paltrow played an alcoholic in, "Country Strong." She wasn't disheveled enough in my opinion.

I remember how I used to be. Literally I was a slave to my craving. I have many videos that recently I revisited where I can see myself months and months ago. I was a complete and self-destructive alcoholic. Raving mad. A daily drinker who also binged. A woman who experienced no AF days EVER for many, many moons...... A woman who downed shots of Jaeger before heading off to open a diner at 5:30 am. Egads! The thought of having done this literally makes me cringe and wince! How could I have?????

One thing is certain--I am no longer she. And she is no longer me. Not by a long shot. And Jaegermeister is nowhere even near to being on my radar. It is non-existant now.

I haven't fallen or lost balance in a mighty long time.... I can't believe I was that smashed so often! And yet, there are a couple of videos that I watch where I am in total black-out. It's an eerie feeling rewatching my video diary. I only recognize myself slightly--- the girl I was a year ago was sloppy, bloated, sick and stuck in that holding pattern from hell.

I am glad I have video evidence because I can clearly (and thankfully!) see how very, very, VERY far I have come on this good-good highway called The Sinclair Method.

I drank quite a bit recently. It culminated in a whopping 11 units yesterday over a 6 hour period. But because of having had that extreme drinking session I have no desire whatsoever to partake today. No way. I had my fill. And that is the biggest miracle of them all-- having the ability to say in all honesty, "I have had my fill." That is something alcoholics are simply unable to say, yet it is a simple word: Enough.

Here I am, five weeks away from reaching my 1 year mark and I am winning the fight. I have had enough. For today. And Nal has quieted my brain's craving from a deafening roar to a shadow of a whisper! Fainter, fainter still will it become in the days and weeks ahead.

Next up, I'm hoping, is the ability to have only one or two units per every drinking session.

It's a good goal anyway. The production is awesome. I hope to never wait on tables again. Time will tell, eh?

Love you guys.....

Sincerely,

Ketchikan1

What amazing progress Ketch! "I drank quite a bit recently. It culminated in a whopping 11 units yesterday over a 6 hour period. But because of having had that extreme drinking session I have no desire whatsoever to partake today. "
YES!!! I also have this. Even when I do overdo it now, with nal the next day, drinking is TOTALLY unappealing. No desire to continue the binge.
I'm so glad the new job is fulfilling and you are getting a bit of help to change your habits. Keep us posted!!!

Hello to my beloved TSM family!

I am hungover as shite.

But I've recorded pretty managable numbers as I go into my 12th month which starts tomorrow. In January here's how it broke down: Week 1- 46 units, Week 2- 1 unit (!), Week 3- 22 units, Week 4- 25 units. I racked up 12 AF days too this month. So the challenge is to somehow lower my intake when I do decide to drink.

Thankfully when I choose to drink it is now with discernment and deliberation. I am like Hesster drinking-wise. We were both daily drinkers who also binge. Now I am not a daily drinker but when I do drink I still have the tendency to overdo it. I blacked out last night on my 8th ESB Red Hook. I talked on the phone with a buddy for 26 minutes, but I recollect only a flash of the conversation.

8 units is high. However, not compared to the 10-15 I daily tossed back a year ago. And the last time I truly binged was that 8 day debacle around my birthday back in September. Where Jager struck again and another job of mine was of course sabatoged. I haven't had Jager in forever. And there's not one shred of desire for it. None whatsoever.

If I could just get those unit numbers down.....

Other than that, production assisting is boring. I am a producer at heart. I produced a video of a sous chef, 22, has a cake/pastry business, Filipino, roller derby chick, single mother, gorgeous.... and sent it to L.A. submitting her for "Hell's Kitchen." I did this right before I came here to Fairbanks. I just talked to my guy at Conlin (casting agency) and they LOVED it (my 6 minute video) and the girl I submitted is first on their list!!!! We'll know for sure in the next couple of weeks.

I am a producer. Not a gopher. And I work with men. All men. Now you guys know me, I adore men. These men are either married or they smoke (gross!) or they have ego's the size of Texas. I am actually meeting a guy from Match.com Saturday. He shares Hesster's b-day: January 28th. Though, for the record, I took myself off of that dumb site. I just don't like it. Too much exposure which is rather hypocritical on my part because I am extremely transparent here on this forum.

Working out steadily now. Mostly cardio. And if I've said it once I'll say a million times more-- I miss my dog. Ripley Roo Little Bear Boo Boo Idget Fuzzy Wuzzy North. Life just ain't the same without that little critter.

Other than that, all is well. I have 8 more weeks here. 8 is seemingly the theme of this entry. And I wonder what is next for me. Bartending at the Red Dog Saloon? Another production? Being able to stop after two beers? Fame, fortune, romance? Who knows..........

Bye for now,

Ketchikan1

Ketch, I'm not quite sure what a production person does, but you should most definitely be writing in some capacity...scripts for sit-coms, or Jon Stewart, fer' shure. It is a pleasure to read your posts for the style, in addition to the content, which has become quite inspiring!

I don't know what it is about the forum recently - has it changed? - or is it me? The breakthroughs of some of the Pillars of this Community have been so inspiring, but I also think I'm gleaning more from what has always been written in terms of taking advantage of motivation...willpower...moderation techniques...habit-changing...Anyway, you are a good example of using ALL those techniques, and we're lucky you can express it in such an interesting & entertaining way, thanks much! Anyway, I'm happy for your recent success, and look forward to MORE updates from the far, far north, though I am torn by your angst for Ripley...

Chrissie