A thousand thank you's Chrissie! My hopes are "we WILL be Privileged Characters: TSM Cureds! "

Onto putting this blue mood on the shelf. It's a beautiful flying day here, the Cessna Birds are chirping...

Reading through the posts this morning I realized I'm being really hard on myself again. I hate this, my mother tought me never to say that word "hate" I'm using it here. It seems as if I have a built in forgetter. How many times do I have to keep going down the same road of self loaving before I learn that this isn't going to get me anywhere? I guess at times this is what keeps me in line, humble maybe?

Feeling a bit of hope, reminded of keeping a positive self image burned into my brain, I guess this take time as well as the method. I am enjoying myself, life, and now off to having a good day!

Zippy Smiles

Hey Zippy -- You'll get there, I'm sure. In spite of what you might think, you radiate positivity. Harness that for yourself and know that you're doing a great and difficult job. As Chrissy says, this TSM journey is unpredictable and, for all of us, uncharted. But you've got two big things going for you:

-- Demonstrated progress

-- Determination and grit.

You're on the way!

I agree, and think that's why it's fun to chat with you. That, and I identify w/ aspects of your personality.

I, too, have been beating myself up all my life, and even though I've gained much wisdom at this point, that's a tough one to overcome. How come we treat our friends better than ourselves??? Crazy. So...it's good there are these forums to be objective and point that out.

The ups & downs of TSM are SO hard...seems like every time I make a happy post here, then I...mess up. I had 2 AFs this week that were effortless, and then last night I was up to my old tricks. But my current "blow outs" involve less aus than a few months ago, so I (we) have to take much comfort in that, right? "Progress, not perfection" - I can't remember if I got that @ AA or Weight Watchers, but so very true!

Chrissie (yep, still smilin')

Hi Zip, Yes, I'll be your friend if you'll have me. I've been reading through the posts and noticed a common thread....we drinkers are very good at self loathing. I think that is why this TSM journey is so difficult. We make improvements, have a setback, and wham we go beating ourselves up again. That is why I gave up before. Well, I am going to try extra hard not to let myself go there again. I am going to make a commitment to keep posting even when I don't feel worthy. Alcohol has been my best & worst friend for years and I need to find some peeps that are a little more honest! You can find me under keke or kekede, depending on what name my computer wants to automatically log me in under at the moment. Take care & keep posting. Thanks, Keek

"Progress, not perfection" [/quote]

I love this! My built in forgetter kicked in again. Imagine that!!! I remeber this now from AA, Weight Watchers might use it too. Progress, not perfection was one of my favoriate slogans. It has been progress, although haven't hit an AF day, that's ok! It's not gallons of wine and searching for the bottle in the morning anymore. No hateful behavior, picking fights, and drinking every waking moment. This is huge progress!

Hey KeKe! I'll be your friend and catch up on your threads.

Tiller, I'm honored!

Zippy Smiles

I can't figure this quote thing out. Damn something else to work on!

Smiles

"The ups & downs of TSM are SO hard...seems like every time I make a happy post here, then I...mess up. "
Yep. We've all been there. I think it's because we've trained ourselves to view alcohol as a reward. So when we do well at something (including, ironically enough, NOT DRINKING SO MUCH!!!) we reward ourselves by...DRINKING!! It's absurd but a pretty constant pattern.
All I can say is, I'm increasingly snapping out of that. Other things seem more pleasant of a reward than getting drunk. And also, even when drinking IS a reward for me, AND I enjoy it....I enjoy 2 drinks and then just...want to stop. THAT, my friends is the miracle of TSM.
Anyways, Zippy, sorry to hijack, but hang in there! You're doing just fine in the TSM rollercoaster

Hiya Zippy

I too have enjoyed reading your posts because you are so optimistic and positive much of the time. I try to be like that too. Unfortunately alcoholism breeds negativity and depression. Or is it the other way round?? It's the vicious circle of feeling a bit down so drinking to feel better then ending up feeling worse and beating ourselves up. Then getting drunk again to forget it all. BUT we are all on a mission to change all that by doing TSM, right?!

I also like AA's "progress not perfection". Many alcoholics are perfectionistic in some way. We set ourselves unrealisticaly high goals then feel like failures when we don't achieve them. I'm talking about myself, anyway...

I'm feeling like a true Antipodean today - what does "kaister" mean and what are Debbie Blocks or whatever? In Chrissie's post, I think. Some kind of chocolate biscuit? I have never even tried to do the quote thing so now can't see what word came after "Debbie".

Must go and look at where Michigan is on the map. My US geography is not the best. I've been to California, Hawaii, Chicago, Las Vegas & Grand Canyon while working for Air NZ and had a day in New York when I was 14, but apart from that I'm somewhat ignorant.

Looking forward to more of your smiles
Sticky

OMG, I never thought of that! That WOULD make sense...going back to the reliable reward. I was thinking it used to be kind of ADE, but these days I don't have that feeling so much. I will really mull that over, EL. How did you get to be so wise @ such a young age??? All them books musta paid off.

Pardon me, Zippy, while I also hijack your thread: just think of it as you're throwing a really popular party, and lots of people are stopping by!

Sticky, I can't BELIEVE you were so easily distracted by your husband, rather than posting to Ketch. And then it went on for 24 hours, did I get that right??? Impressive.
Let me do some translation for the Kiwi: "keister" is one's backside, bottom, buttocks, arse. Is "arse" used in NZ? Not so much here. Okay, then Little Debbies are snack cakes - like Twinkies - only even more rot-gut. Cheap, waxy...DELICIOUS. I think they no longer are filled w/ trans fats but still definitely not health food. They come in boxes of 12, in a multitude of exotic flavors, like Swiss Cake Rolls, Zebra Cakes, Banana Twins. And where else can you get a whole days calories for only $1.49? They are a long time favorite food of mine, to the horror of my gourmet friends. But definitely would have been the perfect dessert for Zippy's hot dog & wine dinner, I'm thinkin'.

Anyway, Sticky, good to hear from you & know your're back to reading the forum. There is SO much positive energy on here lately, it is amazing! So many variations of success...who will be next?

Chrissie