Hi, Sticky and Pepper! I appreciate the suggestions. When I realized my predicament regarding social interaction, it was because I found myself not feeling well emotionally. I am not good at handling those issues, as I simply don’t care most of the time. The physical distance between me and family and friends is significant. When I was drinking even more heavily than now, about twice as much, I really didn’t care. Friends and family that wanted to do things or impinge on my time interrupting my drinking and I didn’t like it. So, I hung out with my drinking buds. Now, I don’t want to do that anymore.

My experience with AA and splinter groups isn’t good. As a part of one of my negative outcomes, I had to deal with some militant folks with that mindset. I didn’t do well in that environment. However, without the coercion and fear, it may do me good to go and listen from time to time. Unfortunately, their experience will be different than mine. From my experience, they would never accept the possibility of another way. I am not sure I would be welcome to just sit and not participate.

The issue I am having is other than work, I am in an entirely new city. I don’t really know anyone and have been avoiding anything that would cause me to want to continue to drink. That really means no drinking buddies. When I began TSM, I was afraid to have a problem close to the end of this mess. So, I have been very careful.

Also, I don’t want any new acquaintances to know me as an alcoholic. That’s not how I want to be known. New city, TSM = change my life. Not many raging alcoholics get a second chance at life. Those of us who found our way here are fortunate.

I used to backpack. When I am hung over, the idea of hauling a pack is not appealing. I used to go places. When I am deep in the throws of alcoholism, I don’t want to go anywhere. Just home to drink.

Recently, I generally go to sleep sober, dream at night, and wake up without a hangover. It’s the best times I have had in years. Rarely do I have regrets related to what I have done recently. What I did this time this last year? I have tons of regrets. The years of acting the fool, paying legal bills, medical bills, losing a woman I cared for: those are regrets. None of those are the end of the world. I still have my health and a chance at a fresh start.

I am working to minimize regret and maximize my enjoyment. Currently, I am near friends and family again. My drinking isn’t any higher than when I am home. In short, my numbers are down. But, I have been estimating for the last week and half. The good news is I am estimating way high. Today, I had met several friends for beers, I had four pints of Stella over as many hours. So, I wasn’t even buzzed. I went to dinner with family, when asked what I wanted to drink, I asked for hot tea. First time I have ever not drank at that restaurant. Hot tea? I wonder where that came from!

Anyway, I am going to keep on keeping on. I get depressed some times. Other times, I am excited at the incremental progress. It’s going to be a haul. But I am getting closer to the end.

Good work, HF.

You've been over some rough road in your years. You deserve a smoother patch. Glad things are going better for you. Hot tea!

HF, hot tea is an accomplishment ! I am glad to hear that this new year seems to be bringing great progress and change for you. Thanks for your continued presence and support on this board.

The holidays are over and my consumption is still down. I haven’t updated my signature as there is some character limit I am bumping up against and I am too lazy to reformat the signature right now. My consumption for last week was 32 and some change, not really that much. Yesterday, I over did it a bit, I had four Long Island Ice Tea’s over four hours with dinner and watching some football. I wasn’t even buzzed. I guess that’s what I get for drinking the daily special premixed stuff!

When I was on my way back from visiting for the holidays (back with family and old friends,) I stopped by another of my old watering holes and had lunch with someone I used to hang with. My drink? Iced tea. I had someone else more or less invite themselves over and I ended up running the rest of my errands and ended up back there. My drink? Tea. Again. Twice in an environment where I am conditioned to drink, twice, no problem, no drinking.

The only time I haven’t been able to do that involved going on a date. I found myself drinking faster out of nervousness. Then I calmed down and she went up two beers on me. Which is funny. But I am happy I went out on a date, it’s progress. It would have been better if I could have figured something that didn’t involve drinking. Guess old habits die hard.

I am not sure what alcohol units Dr. Eskapa was using in the book. If he was using US units, I am not really that far from the Upper Limits of Moderate Drinking of 24 per week. It’s the maximum of five per sitting I would have to watch. But I do see the light at the end of the tunnel!

Happy New Year! May everyone find the release they are looking for and a better life.

Sounds great HF! From Long Island Iced Tea to Iced Tea I am right there with you in the units thing - the weekly limit isn't so much the problem as the "one sitting' limit. For women that's supposed to be three drinks. Aherm...never having more than three drinks in one night? I don't know many people wh abide by that, even among non-problematic drinkers!

EL, three in a night is pretty tight! I look at this five limit and know I will bust it on a routine basis during football season. I just hope to keep it to only game days. Or something. To clarify last night, I didn't drink after I got home. I sat in my chair watching tv and drank water.

Tonight, after dinner, I have figured out TSM is messing with my food. For the past few days, nothing has tasted right. Food is making me slightly ill. Tonight, I was hungry, but couldn't figure what to eat. So, I ordered a pizza. Earlier, I had taken nal to watch my alma mater lose. When I ate tonight, I became nauseous. So, something has changed.

I need to lose weight anyway....

Hi HF,

I hope you're not a Badger - that was a tough loss on the bizarre fumble that didn't roll out of bounds. I watched the Rose Bowl at a Wisconsin bar in Boston (imagine that!), and the Badger fans were devastated after that play.

Anyway, it seems like you've been making some great progress - both socially and with TSM. Being on your own in a new city has got to be tough (though perhaps...liberating?), but it's nice to see you making the effort to meet new people and charm the local ladies. I started dating again this summer after over 10 years of consecutive serious relationships, and it was definitely a little weird at first (which led to a lot of nervous drinking).

Keep it up, buddy.

-H

Hey HF -- Sorry for the Badger loss. We were rooting for cheeseheads.

You're making solid, steady progress both with TSM and in your new locale. It's a lot of work but it's worth it. We're all backing you!

Thanks, guys! I am a Dawg..... it should have been our year, but the coach isn't preparing the team properly.

This is really scary for me. I spend a lot of time alone. Which isn't all bad, I have been doing some things, but I get depressed sometimes. I snap back pretty quickly. When I am down, I look at my graphs and I day dream. I keep remembering when I didn't drink, the things I did, places I went, the usual. I think about what I should do with my life.

It's sad, in social situations, I am not sure what to do without a few drinks. Scary. True. And unbelievably sad.

Doesn't matter though. I am going to figure out how to do this. The same skills that have gotten me to today will help me face tomorrow. Wish I had come up with that last one, but Marcus Aurelius Antoninus Augustus said it. Thought for today!

HF, the women out there are looking for a kind, thoughtful, intelligent, introspective guy like yourself who is aware of his thoughts and feelings and knows how to express them. You will find her / them! Now have fun and enjoy this time!