Hello to All! Hope your Christmas was merry and light!

I cannot stop the bleeding drinking-wise. My goodness. I have experienced the heaviest drinking month since I began this treatment! I enjoyed only one AF day in the month of December and that happened way back on December 5th. I have ingested a whopping TWO HUNDRED THIRTY TWO UNITS from Dec. 1st - Last Night (Dec. 26th.)

Holy Alcoholism!!!

But all is not grim. Last night I had only five Alaskan Winter's and you know what? Just like good, ol' pinot grigio began to taste on the yucky side... so did the brew last night. Very subtle it is, but I did recognize the shift-- be it ever so slight.

What else? I had a morning from hell because my landlord rents out the parking space and I thought the gal would have another day off, as she is a state employee and they get all the time off they possibly can. Anyway, did I miscalculate that shite! There's knocking on the front door at 7 am-ish and I scramble. Run out in the snow in PJ's and flip flops knowing that to start my car will take at least 10 minutes due to the stupid interlocking device. To make matters worse-- my car battery was dead!!! Man, it was comical to say the least. An hour later I was able to move my car.

And the other night, Friday, I got majorly buzzed and partied like a rock star with this cool guy. If the party includes three or more types of different substances, that =Partying Like A Rock Star. It was a once in a blue moon kind of thing. Because, I have got to be prepared for what's ahead: television production. Also, I am going to get a local executive chef on "Hell's Kitchen." The girl is 22. She has a head for business and a body for sin and she wants to be on season 9. I have already contacted L.A. on her behalf and we are shooting the last of her audition tape tonight.

Then I hop on a ferry day after tomorrow to drop Ripley off. Life is moving fast for me now. I wish I could say the same about TSM working fast. But I will not, I repeat, I WILL NOT give up!

I just got called into the restaurant early. Gotta bounce....

More later,

Ketchikan1

My god Ketch you have more energy than an 18 year old it sounds like
Glad to hear life is bringing new things your way - hopefully 2012 will be the year TSM cures us all

happy 2012 ketch! can we just go ahead and call it the year of the cure!

Oh Yes we can, PP! 2012+Nal=Regaining Control!!!!!!!

I feel like hell. More on that later. I want to get two things off my chest:

1) Life without my dog sucks. He is now in Ketchikan and I am here back in Juneau waiting for my marching orders from LA to head north to Fairbanks, and

2) The IRS sucks and they are a collection agency full of knee-breaking thugs who collect money for the corrupt central banking system, in America it's called the Federal Reserve (no more federal than KMart or Federal Express.) How do the banksters continue to get away with it??? I got a bill saying I owe more money to IRS. Better pay it, or else jail or worse. It's so f%#ked up! Bullies... working in unconstitutional ways......

Whatever.

I have obviously left my good mood onboard my cabin on the ferry. It probably rolled beneath the bunk beds. I should have double-triple checked. My good mood? I certainly don't have it. Nowhere to be found.

And good, ol' Jaeger struck again. I bartended last night and took half a Nal thinking I would merely help get over my sore throat and cough with a shot or two. Laughable nonsense... but such is the thinking formed in an addicted brain I suppose. My cool-bean boss, Sam was there doing office work and I was okay until the end and I slammed probably my 5th hefty shot (Christ) and slid--- I actually slid into oblivion and I remember doing so, thinking that the substance overtook my brain and body both and I had entered a place of no return..... I don't think that I have ever been that aware of the actual moment when I went from tipsy to sloshed. It was quite surreal.

Yes, I received a text from my manager saying we needed to talk about what had occured. Being the actor that I am I sincerely apologized and blamed my fall from grace on a mixture of cold medication and three shots of black crack. I return tonight... and I have all the intention in the world to simply ingest green tea. I am hurting anyway. Bad hangover with the added treachery of having to make amends, apologize and get the f#@k back UP.

Why? Why do I think I can tango with the heavy-footed Jaegermeister? Am I really this much of a glutton for punishment. Gawd....

Insert big sigh exactly here.

And so it goes. I feel scummy. Wonder why..... yeah right. I'm off to shower. Gotta clean the dust off of me somehow.

And I miss my dog,

Ketchikan1

OH Ketch. I feel for you. We want to say no, know we should say NO, but we do it anyway. You are still taking nal one hour before every time, aren't you? Keep trying, girl, and we'll get there in 2012!!! That's now!

Hi Ketch,

Black Crack indeed. I'm sorry progress is not always as visible... but when you look back at the start of your journey, you were bruised and cut on your elbows and knees; your confidence was low and you didn't believe you could make it.

I've followed your up and down roller coaster, but with effort you have been heading up the steep and painful learning curve. Yes, Jaeger is a bit*h and she always bites. But it could be worse. You could have passed out and ended up with a tattoo like this: http://www.thezimbabwean.co.uk/news/world-news/55171/revenge-tattoo.html

You've had some great success in November and December, so as long as your job is safe then put it behind you as a learning experience.

So what do we do with you eh?

What are your goals and objectives for 2012? Let’s get analytical and goal focused. What’s your target for next week and the week after?

I’ve seen such a great improvement – don’t let the Holiday experiences ruin your motivation or self-belief.

Take care,

Andy

Oh no - not the black crack again!

As Raoul Duke would say: "Ah, devil ether. It makes you behave like the village drunkard in some early Irish novel. Total loss of all basic motor function. Blurred vision, no balance, numb tongue. The mind recoils in horror, unable to communicate with the spinal column. Which is interesting because you can actually watch yourself behaving in this terrible way, but you can't control it."

I'm sorry to hear you've been having some heavy weeks lately. It seemed like you were in a really great place before the holidays started, so I hope you can get back to how you were feeling at that time. I'd also like to think you're subconsciously trying to get all this partying out of your system before the PA job starts up and you won't have any time to get saucy.

Like Andy says - focus on all the progress you've made so far. 2012! We can do it!

-H

Evil evil jaeger. I hope you can put it behind you (and shots of anything, in general). It's a lot harder to drink through the nal when you don't do shots (or avoid hard liquor, though i have a problem with that!). I really hope you can get back on your feet - just think about all the new opportunities in front of you and try and stay positive
And yes, the IRS is horrific. I feear that's just one of those facts of life...

Just saw this and thought of you...

http://twisternederland.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/01/385917_301753809868291_181454875231519_850678_1434517920_n.jpg

That's very funny, Andy! And for the record I am quite honored that you'd think of little, old me way across the globe. Funny I am in an Englishman's head.......

Okay party people. I am out. I fly out day after tomorrow and it will be a THREE month shoot. It's a done deal and a chance of a lifetime!

What else? Again I partied like a rock star. Out of my head high; out of my senses drunk. And it's okay. Those opportunities are extremely few and vastly far between. But oh so fun! Yes I am drinking. Daily. But I am not concerned because I will excercise will power from here on out. My new job will demand it: clarity and stamina; health and well-being.

I will too. Hangovers do not belong in the world in which I am about to reside.

I can clearly detect that my drinking lately is habitual and not so neccessary. But I push an evening to its oblivious end...... just because..... well....

...because I can. So I do.

Enter life change here.

Hey, I am taking you guys with me. Bundle up bia-tches... we are venturing into a land of a 27 below farenheit!

Ready?

Here we go,

Ketchikan1