Thank you, Chrissie. I think the forced 2.5 weeks AF were helpful. Although, it's worth noting that I didn't go AF because I wanted to or could, but due to horrible shame and scared to drink after the AWFUL night, then the
surgery where I couldn't have nal in my system. But I do think I was making progress before, albeit with a few nasty spike nights thrown in. On the "making progress" nights, I had a few glimpses of "ah, this tastes like alcohol, not the lovely wine I thought I was drinking" which, when I take note of that, help me to moderate, slow down, and stop early.
But then I've had those nights where I "drink thru the nal" too - I never knew what that meant until I actually did it - you know you shouldn't, but you want to, so you just keep going hard, and suffer horribly the next day. I have not had one of those since my AWFUL night and I (cross fingers) think those are behind me, especially after NYE where I kinda wanted to, but didn't. That's why I think nal is really working for me now. I would love to try to be AF, but I also know that Friday night will come again and I'll be okay with 1-2 glasses of wine, as long as I take my nal 1 hour before. I guess that's habit that I'll have to work to break.
I'm still not sure what will happen on this TSM path and when it will happen, but if I take the nal before I drink, I do think I'll eventually be "cured."
Another note, since I'm a binger, not a daily drinker, AF days generally are not an issue, UNLESS we're talking about my trigger or habit days (weekends, events). I guess Christmas was made easy because we changed it up - rather than me fixing a fab dinner at home or with relatives, drinking all the day, we were out of town on our own, and I really wanted to try AF.
I am sorry if I'm rambling. I'm typing without thinking - just jotting it down as it comes. I probably need to step back, think it through, then try again.
