Hello!

I was introduced to TSM about a year and a half ago. I actually attended the clinic in Sarasota at the Treatment Center and got the gist of the program. I paid a substantial amount to them to begin the treatment and told them I would pay the rest off in about 6 months. With that said, I found that after I had the initial meeting with their administrator and received my prescription for Naltrexone, I didn't have anymore support or contact from her. Don't get me wrong, I would call her and she would still give me the prescriptions however, there was no therapy or anything else going on; I am sure some of this had to do with me living in Tampa and her office being based in Sarasota. Regardless, it seemed ridiculous to pay her the remainder of the fee for a $10 prescription each month (I paid her $2,000 up front and still owed $1,800). I found myself having high anxiety every time I would have to call her to get another month's supply of Naltrexone and that ultimately prohibited me from ever truly following the TSM method.

I just recently moved to a new state with my family and was reading a book, "We all fall down." I was captivated by the book and could not put it down; it deals with a young man struggling with addiction but it's a VERY honest account! After reading that book, I decided it was time for me to jump off this bus and get well. I have about a month's supply of Nalrexone on hand and I ordered more from River Pharmacy as well. I had a heart to heart with my husband and told him that I was going to go for it this time. We are both very optimistic as this is the first time I've addressed my problem without a shameful or embarrassing moment attached to it (I'm sure you all know what I'm talking about)!

While I hope the Naltrexone will help this roller coaster slow down; I'm not so foolish to think a little while pill is going to solve this issue. I am searching for a counselor that I can just talk through this journey with and learn where and more importantly, WHY, I started drinking like this. While I KNOW I am going to find resistance with this method from any health care professional, I REFUSE to let them be the driver in MY recovery. This is MY journey and I will do it the way that seems best for me; that's why I have taken the Naltrexone issue into my own hands and ordered it online. I don't want the anxiety of getting a $10 dollar bottle of pills to prohibit me from doing this again! My counselor is either going to see this my way or I will find another counselor that will!

I am also going to my first AA meeting tonight; I don't really think the 12 step thing is for me but through self evaluation have realized that ALL of my friends over the past 10 years have been functioning alcoholics. I need to meet new people that are struggling with the same issues I am having and don't center their lives around meeting for drinks!

I am thrilled to be on here and have learned a lot from other posts; I have followed this forum for the past few years and this is the first time I have posted anything. I will continue to monitor my progress and follow all of yours; we are in this together!

Welcome FR!

That's a disturbing story about the clinic. I can see why you'd bail out of that.

It's great that your spouse understands and supports what you're doing. And great attitude about finding a counselor who will support you.

Now that you're plunging into TSM, visit often to let us know how you're doing and support others on the board. It's a big part of the process for many successful TSMers.

Again, welcome!

Thank You Tiller for the encouraging response; have noticed that you are the cheerleader on this site and I love your enthusiasm!!

I met with a counselor today and rather than discount what I was doing; he recommended I add meditation. The actual practice that he referred to is called "Mindful Meditation;" he told me that research has shown it to be beneficial for addicts in that it helps to separate the mind from all of those negative thoughts we have racing in our minds. I did some research on my own and it looks pretty interesting; it literally requires people to sit still, focus on their breathing, for 10-20 minutes a day. As thoughts enter your mind (and they always will); when you recognize that your mind is drifting; revert the focus back to your breathing. Apparently, this method is meant for you to learn to "feel and acknowledge" your feelings but allows you to do so as an observer; therefore giving you more control.

I know this seems pretty deep and honestly, I'm not sure if I can even do it (as I am very energetic and struggle to sit still). However, I feel as though I owe it to myself to give it a try and see what happens. Truly feel as though my energy is completely focused on positive things right now and I have to run with it (even though it seems a bit intimidating)!

Anyhow, just thought I would share. I have another AA meeting on Thursday and while as of now, this isn't the route I wish to take, I'm pretty thankful for the support and company in the room and just want to learn more about what exactly it's all about.

I hope everyone here is finding hope and meaning on this journey!

I would also recommend DBT (dialectical behaviour therapy) groups - they do a lot of mindfulness and things like that. It's just general good coping mechanisms for people like us who have turned to alcohol every time something was bad (or good!) or difficult (or fun!) or just plain part of life. Some people find that TSM does the drink by itself; some feel the need for therapy on the side. That's up to do. Good luck and welcome!

Hey FR -- Glad to see you feel welcome here because you are. I'm really just cheerleader of the week. Some of the others who are solid on this board are busy with new jobs or travel, etc. But they'll be here for you as well.

I've been trying to do some meditation as well. Having the discipline to take the time and do it is the hard part! But it does seem to help some in getting calm and balanced.

Thanks Guys! I tried to do the meditation thing this morning for 5 minutes; uh I made it for 2 minutes and almost went crazy! Think I will look into ElectraLou's suggestion; it was much harder than it seemed for me as I'm always running. Find it very challenging to sit still (which is probably why my counselor suggested it in the first place)! LOL