Thank goodness my Shetland pony didn't bite! I just want to NIP this drinking habit of mine before it gets out of control or harms others, not to mention what it's done to me already. Thanks to Nal, I'm going to get there!

shetland pony - HA! what a visual!

welcome chrissie. things look like they are going great! i look forward to reading more of your posts on the way to control!

After 6 weeks on the TSM "conveyor belt", I think I'm where I should be, as I recognize a lot of the same feelings and experiences sited on the various threads...peoples' experiences vary, but I feel like I'm well w/in the bell curve. I don't know @ what point I get to quit calling my peaceful feeling a "honeymoon", but at any rate, so much of my life has already been given back to me!

Though my weekly au #s haven't changed that much, for the past two weeks, my maximum # for a given evening is now 4 (pre-TSM, 6 & 7 was common). I resisted doing AF days this week, but I think that is okay - every drinking episode w/ Nal is part of the overall cure anyway, so what the hey.

I was very curious to see how Thanksgiving would play out: I pretty much enjoy the holidays and DH & I spent a few days with my sister and her family. At the risk of revealing that I'm not very cool, I will admit we have many holiday traditions that are definitely on the corny side, like playing games and making cookies and putting together puzzles. Like many things I like just for their own sake, pre TSM there has also been looking forward to them as drinking opportunities. So...how were the warm & fuzzy holiday activities w/o being loaded...the view from atop the Shetland Pony? Well...nice, still fun. However (referring back to the TSM conveyor belt), I noticed some sadness and sense of loss that alcohol will not be the same for me ever again. And there was a reason I drank that way, it was fun, dammit! It was those warm fuzzy feelings, ramped WAY up. But of course, that turned into a problem and so here I am on TSM, reclaiming my life. I just wanted to cop to that feeling, which surprised me some, as I'm a long ways from cured, and nostalgia seems a little premature! (I keep thinking about Grace's classic quip about the Crack House being less fun now, go figure...)

Chrissie

Pre TSM: 35 - 40 au
Week - au - AF - cv (craving, average)
Week: 1 - 28 au - 0 AF - cv 4
Week: 2 - 26 au - 0 AF - cv 4
Week: 3 - 24 au - 0 AF - cv 4
Week: 4 - 24 au - 1 AF - cv 6
Week: 5 - 24 au - 1 AF - cv 5
Week: 6 - 24 au - 0 AF - cv 3

Hi Chrissie

A belated welcome and congratulations on your progress so far! You are doing great. I love the Shetland pony analogy too!
I look forward to hearing more about your journey with TSM.

Cheers
Sticky

Glad to hear the holidays were relatively successful and pleasant, even if you felt a bit sad about not getting the full fuzzy feeling I know what you mean...it's hard to go back to "regular" emotions sometimes when we've had such dramatic, hyped up emotions due to our alcohol abuse.

Welcome to TSM Chrissie,

Happy to have you with us. And I look forward to hearing about your progress. You don't seem to bad, even now. Your units should go down in good time. Just be patient and enjoy the ride.

Nal on,

Recap of my 8th week, which ended yesterday: yikes!

The honeymoon is definitely over, as my numbers would show. Total aus remain about the same, but after a number of weeks w/ a (pleasing) maximum of 4 per night, I had (3) 5's, and (1) 6 last week, and I woulda had another "6" last night, except (thank goodness!) I found DH smack in front of the Box-O-Wine I was attempting to sneak up on. Why am I flirting w/ bad hangovers & shame again? My return to my "old" style of drinking really discouraged me over the week, but now I'm wondering, well, what part of "roller coaster" did I not understand??? Hmmm. Maybe today is really the first part of my journey, meaning the "hard part", with some shame & despair still to come. (I can just see all you more experienced TSMers out there, heads bobbing...)

So (Experienced TSMers), let me ask you all about alcohol deprivation effect, and how it relates to AF days: I'm wondering if my higher #s were related to my 2 AF's, as I had "big" evenings the day after each of those. I sure learned about ADE before TSM - my last (miserably failed) attempt at alcohol control started last January when I got a prescription for antabuse (good old India). I reasoned that I'd formed a bad habit w/ alcohol (true!), and that if I could force myself to step away from it for a period of days, I could break the pattern/habit (NOT true!) I was stunned at how I would come back w/ a vengeance after a few days sober. Of course as soon as I read the book I understood it competely, having lived ADE in detail. So...I'm wondering have others experienced an ADE "bounce" after an AF? I'm wondering how to proceed. I'm thinking at this point I need to bring more will power into the game, if indeed I'm now on the roller coaster: maybe set a goal for how many AFs and also how many aus per evening. Any ideas would be appreciated.

Chrissie

Pre TSM: 35 - 40 au
Week - au - AF - cv (craving, average)
Week: 1 - 28 au - 0 AF - cv 4
Week: 2 - 26 au - 0 AF - cv 4
Week: 3 - 24 au - 0 AF - cv 4
Week: 4 - 24 au - 1 AF - cv 6
Week: 5 - 24 au - 1 AF - cv 5
Week: 6 - 24 au - 0 AF - cv 3
Week: 7 - 22 au - 0 AF - cv 4
Week: 8 - 24 au - 2 AF - cv 4

Chrissie:

There really is diversity of thought on this topic. But based on the posts of many long-timers (minneapolisnick being one), week 8 may be too early for the willpower part. This line of thinking is that you should keep drinking the way you drink to move the extinction process along. Wrestling with willpower just sets you up for disappointment, this line of thinking goes.

Many have also said they believe the post-honeymoon increase is the brain trying harder to get back the booze buzz it needs to trigger the endorphin reward. It's Pavlov's dog straining at the leash and barking louder. But still no dog bone reward.

One bit of advice that comes from the book and the board is to drink lower-octane alcohol than you normally do. Especially if, like me, you prefer spirits.

At week 15, I can tell you that I still have the cravings and would like to be drinking less (and AM drinking less than before TSM), but that the reduced interest that many have reported at about 20 weeks along has not happened for me. Yet. Hope it will.

So, try to think yourself into as little shame and despair as possible, knowing this can take up to a year, especially if you've been drinking for awhile.

Next time I'm restless and discouraged you can prop me up with the same advice: it's a marathon, not a sprint. Slow and steady...

Ah thank you Tiller...I will throw you a tow line, when I see you low in the water.

Yeah, it's starting to sink in, that this is going to be a long process. Heres the deal: I think I read some really dramatic threads - like Andy - who has COMPLETELY turned his life around in a few short months - and expect the same for myself. My pre-TSM adventures are quite boring compared to his tales, but even if my excesses have been less...I've been engraining my habit for a long...time. Which is a major factor. And I'm a daily drinker which some threads say is harder to de-program and then others think is a benefit, because I get to have my extinction sessions on a more regular basis. Well...I don't need to figure it all out right now, do I? Plenty of time (apparently!) to just see what happens. Turtle-like, yes.

I think we are both in a good place: we made a decision, we're well on our way...we've had a lot of good, encouraging signs...lets just enjoy the process, every chance we get, huh.

Chrissie

Yes it can be a bit disheartening when you realize that you probably aren't a Super responder. The fact is for most of us the road is longer and bumpier but in the end if we get "there" -hallelujah!!!! You are still so early on though maybe it will be shorter than you think. It's good though to have reasonable expectations that this is a journey. All the metaphors of marathons and building Rome do apply. At 24 weeks I was really hoping to have this monkey off my back. He's not but he's a lot lighter and less annoying!

Nal on!