EL, w/ the grim description of your current job - the validity of which I don't doubt for a second!!! - I'm nontheless impressed that you can find those positives, such as in your quotes! Someday you will look back on this time and...well, HELL! I have no IDEA how you'll feel about it, BUT...you will look back...because it will be behind you: you will have found some way to survive it; the repulsiveness of it will have perhaps propelled you to whatever you needed to do next...you'll meet some person there that will be important in some way...you are smart, and will find the pearls in the gravel pile.

You are much more than this job, and also, remember your success w/ TSM: how do you think you'd be dealing w/ this, say, a year ago??? They can't take that away from you...

Chrissie

UGH is right EL and I'm so sorry that you're (rightfully) feeling that way right now. But we know what a strong, intelligent, resourceful woman you are and know you'll find your way up from here. Perhaps this is a test, an extinguishment trigger of some kind. As Chrissie says, think how you're handling this now vs. pre-TSM. Nal on, sister, better times are ahead!

Hi EL

My heart goes out to you. You don't deserve such a crap job. When I worked in the travel industry in sales & marketing I never approved of the "norm" of working til 7pm & managed to generally get away at 5 or 5.30. I believe that is a long enough working day and we all need a balance between work and our personal lives. We need time to exercise or relax and catch up with friends and family. My hubby has always worked long hours, but as he's gotten older he doesn't have the same energy.

I really hope something better comes along. As others have mentioned, you are intelligent and talented and an amazing support to all of us on this board. What happened re the 3-year translation sucks too.

I'm sending some positive thoughts your way!

Cheers
Sticky

Hey El,

I've thought long and hard about how to respond to your post. As a man, every neuron in my body wants to give you unsolicited advice. We love to think we always have a logical solution to solve a woman's problems. I'll resist, but man it's hard

I'm smiling as I write this. I think you know that I genuinely care about you. The first job after academia is always a tough one. I was so stressed in mine that I crashed my car into a gas station (and was 100% sober). Anyway, I'm sure you are getting stuck in for your third week today. Do post an update.

Just before I say farewell, can I make some tiny suggestions? See, I couldn't resist:

Can I suggest loading up on Vitamin D?
Vitamin D deficiency is closely linked to Seasonal Affected Disorder, which can have a big impact on mood during winter. You can't really take too much. It's one of the safest substances known to man - you'd need to take more than ≥ 40000 IU per day for any toxic effects. Most tablets are 10 IU each!
Google Scholar has some great academic papers. Alcohol Dependency is also closely linked to Vitamin D Deficiency too!

Are there any gym options near work?
Benefits? You'd leave earlier, have a quicker commute (if travelling by car) and you'd manage to fit work around your gym schedule. Don't compromise on your personal fitness. Ever.

Final suggestion.
Wal-Mart does some great microwave ready meals. http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-PSFU3W5a8Gw/TmuE1HiKU5I/AAAAAAAAAgQ/36f3CJCdSmo/s320/tvdinner.jpg

You're smart enough to understand the irony in my third point. Seriously, though, take care of yourself, Andy.

i'm sorry EL. that just sucks! sorry to be so eloquent. i know you are really down. you are strong though and you will get through this rough patch. you are staying in control and that is worth a lot. so what if you over did it one night? i know you are busy, but make sure to address the depression. if you need the lamp, get the lamp (early christmas gift?), see friends, vent, take care of yourself. things will get better, they always do. sometimes it just takes awhile.

xoxo,
pp

I think we should have a secret santa for our freinds on this board.

I've already said Ketchikan needs Snow Chains; EL need a sun Lamp; $20 and sharing gifts will make this commmunity stronger...

Any takers? I'll start a new thread so people can opt-in.

Andy.

Thanks for all the support guys! I was feeling really low but am feeling better about it now. I finally got out of work at 6pm today and I think I just need to put my foot down and be my own self. I know I'll always work hard and get things done on time if it's even remotely possible, so I guess I just balked at the total lack of autonomy and huge amount of WATCHING people are doing of me at this new job. However, I"ve found some ways to be positive about it (one being that I am going to stick it out for three months and then reevaluate!!). During the meantime, I have continued to apply for jobs and try to go my freelance business. It means insanely long hours right now, but hopefully it will mean the freedom of freelancing in the near future. I also have some good news - it looks like I might finally be eligible for the freelancers' union health insurance program, which would REALLY help with my medical costs (mostly prescriptions, but it's adding up to about 500 a month, when nothing goes wrong). In the new year hopefully I will be insured and taht will be a huge weight off my shoulders.
To answer you Andy - I think I am going to try and do more running near home when I get back, with my boyfriend (as it is dark and not super safe where I live). My gym is actually neither super near my house or my work and although I love it and the instructors there, I think it's going to take me a while to establish a routine and get my bearings at this new job so I can squeeze going there in again. I commute via subway so it's actually quite a bit more time to go out of my way to the gym rather than straight home There IS a gym near work but it's waaaay more expensive than what I can afford right now, unfortunately as well. So for now I'm gonna try and exercise when I can, by running outside. We'll see.
As for the Vitamin D, I've had a deficiency for a while now but the troubling thing is that a) this was when I got plenty of sunlight and b) even after a 12 month prescription regime (massive super potent vitamins you can't get OTC) I was waaay below healthy levels. It seems that my body is crap at producing the vitamin D and pumping it in doesn't do much good. I really think the sunlamp is the answer. I'm gonna see about hitting my parents up for one for xmas
anyways ramble ramble. Things are better. Long hours, but it's stretching more towards tedium than frenzy right now, which is ok by me since I have lots of things going on aside from work. My boyfriend has been a saint during this difficult period (sweeping, cooking, making me breakfast at the crack of dawn...I am quite lucky
Will catch up with the other posts soon I promise!

As my kid would say, "good ups" El.

Hi EL

Glad to hear the bf is still there and being supportive. Can't remember when you said he was going away for an extended period. It sounds like you're re-evaluating your priorities, so you go girl. I so want you, me & Ketch to get on top of this ugly disease. I am nearly at a year and the jury is still out, but you 2 haven't had years and years in AA like me. And you are both so much younger. I have been very much focusing on your thought of " let's not stuff up how i feel tomorrow by drinking tonight" to give me a 4 day AF stretch. But I used to do 4 month AF sretches in AA. Albeit white-knuckling it a lot of the time and feeling like a failure b/c i hung out with the winners (years in sobriety) and i was a loser (continual relapser).
TSM hasn't been the miracle cure, but then i never expected it to be. It has been good & bad & i will discuss further when not pissed. It is sad to still be an alcoholic. But it is great that there is a possible "cure" and there will be more in years to come. It is sad to have hubby ask if the boys (our kids) should be going to Al-Anon, even tho' he has only ever been once and hated it! I said that there was an Al-a-Teen, but that the boys were probably too young yet. Of course that was my denial - our eldest is 13 and my AA sponsor, who now says she is not my sponsor b/c I am not working the steps, used to be an Al-a-Teen sponsor. I have been a total bitch at times because of my illnesses (alcoholism & depression) in a similar way to how my father who suffered from depression when i was growing up neglected me. I never wanted to hurt my kids the way he hurt me but i daresay i have & more. It sucks!
J'espere que tu va etre contente. Toi et ton ami - vous le meritez. Bonne chance et joyeux Noel!! Merci beaucoup pour tout.

Felicitations
Sticky de la Nouvelle-Zelande

Thanks so much for the heartfelt post, Sticky. It means a lot to me. I am rooting for you as well, and really hope that you get this beast under control.
So I'm a litte behind on weekly recap time hehe but last week was only 12 units. Which is great, except when you consider that that was two drinking sessions: of 2 and 10. LOL. I overdid on Friday night as mentioned before, after a super stressful week at work.
So far this week has been the exact opposite. I've drank every day, but never more than 1 or 1.5 drinks. We'll see how the weekend pans out, but I've got mostly low-key and/or healthy activities planned, so no big parties to trigger me. And although work is still terrible - it alternates between mind-numbing tedium / carpal tunnel-inducing repetition and frantic despair at not being able to do things because no one has trained me properly - no week can really be as bad as last week, I think!